my church family do i leave or stay?

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my church family do i leave or stay?

Post by jilian on Mon Aug 23, 2010 12:12 pm

hello,
i have belonged to the same church for almost 14 years and have experienced many hurtful things while there. i am so split down the middle because i always take into consideration that these people are human (just like me) which means they are flawed and susceptible to hurting others. However, it seems now that as the years progress things are getting worse. I remember having a friend who at the time was a fellow member invite a few of us over just for food and good felowship; (her husband worked alot so she just wanted company). there was one saturday that we went and one of the women in the pastors circle overheard our arrangements but confronted me because she wasnt invited. from there lies were presented to the pastor that there was a group of people attempting to secretly start a ministry and we were confronted and falsely accused by the pastor causing the girl who's house that we went to, to leave. this wasnt the first time for her but it was however, the final straw. what hurts is there are people that she believes and cares about and there are people who she never gives the benefit of the doubt which in my opinion isnt fair. if she chooses to believe family or the people that are in her inner circle she attacks you from the pulpit with hurtful messages. there have been many incidences where i have shared personal things with her just to find out that they were repeated or again, if she didnt agree with what i was sharing she would say extremely hurtful things during her sermon. there was another time when someone that i thought was my friend went to her with a very hurtful lie and instead of bringing the 2 of us together she chose to believe the other person. she has a grandson that has had confrontation with most of the young people there and when he targeted my son they began to argue (because my son had had enough). she brought them both into her office without anyone else present listened to her grandson's side only and never allowed my son to give his side. my son is not perfect but hes never had any problems with his elders, peers, or any other authority yet he was being accused of being this monster. she called me later about what was discussed and after sharing it with my son he cried because he couldnt understand why they would lie. then, there was a group of girls that my daughter grew up with in church that began delving into the wrong things and of course my daughter gave in to peer pressure. she admitted that she smoked pot with this group and out of concern i went to the pastor. immediately after, women from the "inner circle" went to some of the other girls asking if they too were "getting high" which means what i shared was disclosed and my daughter was ostracized. she decided on her own not to do the things these girls were doing and ended up alone. however, this caused her to draw closer to the lord thus she grew in her spiritual life by leaps and bounds!

there are many many more things that have occured but this is the one that did the most damage. there was a young woman who attended our church who headed up the youth department. the class was big and the kids loved coming but she ended up hurt by the same group from the "inner circle" and left the church. from there another person was assigned the task of heading up the youth department, but the unfortunate part is that she doesnt care about the youth. her philosophy is, "if they come they come if they dont they dont, their loss." mine is completely different and when i was asked to help out by teaching a class i immediately began sharing with the young people that i'd be a teacher. the class quickly grew and i was constantly amazed at how god was using me and at how their lives were rapidly changing. it was awesome! but the enemy got in and a few of the young people that didnt treat my daughter very well along with the youth leader and another parent decided it was time for me to go. they went to my pastor and falsely accused me of things and told her that if i continued teaching they were refusing to come back to the class. what was interesting was that i wasnt even teaching this group but she didnt care to investigate. instead, i was called into her office along with her son who is the assistant pastor and was told of the accusations. which in retropsect there were not concrete complaints, just the fact that they didnt want me teaching. i was asked to step down and was removed as the youth night and sunday school teacher. i was crushed!!! and when other teachers were brought in the class fell apart. in fact, to this day the young people do not attend the classes anymore. i was preached about over and over again and i was treated like a leper. many people knew that what happened was wrong but they were too afraid to defend me because they didnt want to face the "wrath!" this was 2 years ago. i am still a member of this church and have since forgiven all parties involved. i am an ordained evangelist but am not ever chosen to preach or function in any ministerial capacity. theres so much politics involved that if you arent in the "in -crowd" youre out! the group of young girls that my daughter stopped hanging out with (that i mentioned earlier) realized they could get away with murder and began to attack my daughter. she was accused of being anorexic, and self righteous. she brought 2 young girls to the church and all 3 were mistreated because they were not part of the "original" youth group. it was hurtful to see them go through this pain but they survived and overcame. i am have since started a bible study in my home for young people especially for those who feel "invisible" at church. however, if my pastor ever found out there is a wrath that i must face and its not going to be pretty. in all of this, its hard to leave because 1. i cant honestly say god has instructed me to leave and 2. i love my bishop! hes elderly and when he found out that i was thinking of leaving he literally begged me not to go. i dont know what to do...

jilian
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Re: my church family do i leave or stay?

Post by heavenlymama on Fri Sep 03, 2010 7:25 am

Hi Jillian

I'm sorry to hear what you've been through and know your words posted cannot express the full extent. I hear your story and have heard it many times already. I could reply in detail to alot of things you said but will state 2 things. First where the Spirit of the Lord is there is Liberty, and thats includes liberty to be all that God has called you to be without fear of reprisal. the Second is that there is alot of people (title) leading in your post and no God leading. In a nut shell what you have described rings of spiritual abuse and sooner or later what God has called you to do and be will come into conflict with the limits being put over you. I'm an ordained minister as well and 18months ago left an extremly spiritually abusive ministry where I was for 14years, so I hear you loud and clear. I cannot begin to say what was said over me but I know what God says over me each day and God has enlarged my borders, brought gifts to the surface and now my ministry is blooming. Freedom is awesome & priceless:)
Please feel free to email me, either way I'm praying you will be strengthened to trust Him only and allow Him only to direct your paths.

Stay blessed

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Re: my church family do i leave or stay?

Post by jilian on Fri Sep 03, 2010 7:37 am

thank you so much for your response! it really does help to hear from someone who has endured this because only then can you understand the pain. i was wondering if you could clarify something that you said in this post about alot of people leading in my post and no god leading. are you saying that alot of people that are leaders over me are lead by the flesh? if so its true. its a scary place to be and its even harder to watch because you almost feel afraid of what you see or you even think man i think i'm losing my mind this cant be true. either way, i just want to grow and grow in the lord and with all of my heart i want to have a fruitful flourishing ministry. until god releases me i just have to continue to fly under the radar and try to stay out of the way. the confusing part is, has god already said leave and i missed it?

jilian
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Re: my church family do i leave or stay?

Post by heavenlymama on Fri Sep 03, 2010 8:13 am

The pulpit is not the place for personal grievance leadership is for edifying, that is to build you up and speak life over you not to tear you down. God never says "now this sunday I want you to preach against so and so" in doing this the preacher makes Gods message about their agenda and spiritually this sows wrong seeds to the congregation. The words we speak should be spirit and life not spirit and death.Yes I would say the leadership over you is self-led and not spirit led. God is first love and He is impartial, He does not prefer one above another. There is no elitism in Him. everything you have written in your post I have experienced. the sad truth is that the reality of what I was in hit me when i had experienced true liberty a few months after i had left. You do not need God to audibly tell you to leave, if what is being done does not match up to whats in God word or the nature of God when where is He in this?. All you are is wrapped up in all God is, not what people say or do and if they are in line with God, you should be growing and glowing in Him. Question do you experience that same liberty in church as you do in your home based group?

I questioned God on leaving so many times, but where I was there was a strong manipulation that made me disregard anything that didn't come from leadership no matter how I felt and even what the word said. I would even interpret it how they taught it and think anything else was carnal or self (which is what they taught). the truth is I gave man God's place (in leading me) and I didn't realise it, but the core of who I am wanted Just God and God made a way of escape for me.

One more thing my sister you can never stay under the radar, God wants you to rise above it into who he is.

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Re: my church family do i leave or stay?

Post by jilian on Fri Sep 03, 2010 8:27 am

i want to leave the right way and i knew that if i left before i forgave them that i wouldnt have closure. the hard part is my bishop. i love him so much and i know it would hurt him if i left but hes not my god. i have to fly under the radar at church because i cant function in my calling anyway. the person that they have over all ministers never chooses me to preach or anything else. i was the worship leader on sunday but he never told me. i was sitting in the congregation and they were calling my name and i almost got into trouble which i think was the motive because he did that to someone else he didnt like. the last time i preached was last year. so he does spiteful things. if my bishop chooses to call on me to pray in his office with the ministerial staff before church begins this particular leader does something to disrupt the prayer. its horrible. there was even one time when this preacher came to our church and his message was directly from god to me! i went out in the spirit and was on the floor. this "leader" of our church came over and laid on me and forced my head on the ground and it was hurting me. so i was struggling to get him off of me and people were watching so he said the devil was fighting me. i told my pastor and the assistant pastor and they said it was something i had to take up with him. he's an elder and i feel as if they should have rebuked him and after what he did i didnt feel comfortable around him. if im seen talking to young people they are questioned afterwards and all ive ever taught them was to follow god. it makes me feel as if im some dirty person. man i dont talk about these things much anymore but they still really hurt

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Re: my church family do i leave or stay?

Post by heavenlymama on Fri Sep 03, 2010 8:39 am

You talk about this because you need to. I have just been praying for Gods liberty to set you free from this. I know you can stay under the radar, forgive me for not being clear, I mean you arise in Him and He will give you wisdom to do what you need, to come out of this. You know you can still hold you head high in a still place.

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Re: my church family do i leave or stay?

Post by jilian on Fri Sep 03, 2010 8:42 am

oh i got you and i agree! i also agree with what you are saying about the pulpit not being the place to bash people. i told the lord that i refuse to believe that he is anything but love and if a sermon is preached and its not from a loving place its not from him! thank you so much for your kind words lending an ear and most of all your prayers. this has helped me so much!

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