Years of comparison

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Years of comparison

Post by yoj6179 on Sun May 23, 2010 7:53 pm

I have been praying for years now and I just need help. Most people, even friends and family end up telling me I need to "just get over it." It really is a long story, and I don't want to bore so I will try and make it short. I am almost 31, married to a good Christian man for 5 years. I have a sister 3 years younger. I have always been jealous of her and her life. Trust me, I know you are thinking that "jealousy is wrong," and I should live my own life. Trust me, I have tried and tried, prayed and prayed and it is just getting worse. My sister and brother and law have great jobs, have a descent life, and are now having a baby. My husband and I have wanted nothing more than to have a baby. Bottom line is, she is having a baby and putting it straight into daycare, and could stay home with it, and I WANT A BABY and could never stay home with a baby financially. It is so hard for me to be happy, and I want to so badly. Our entire life she has been the one always doing everything right, and in the spotlight. Now once again, she is the main focus and I feel left out again. This is not normal, and I just want to feel as equally important as she gets treated. I have had counseling, no help. I guess if someone prays for me and God leads you to speak to me in a way that may further help me, I would be ever so grateful.

J

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Re: Years of comparison

Post by Delanna on Wed Jun 09, 2010 8:59 am

Hello Yoj,

I am sorry you are struggling like this, that must have been really
painful for you to always feel like you were your sister's shadow.
Can I tell you a little story, hun? This came from a series of Christian
videos I watched years ago...

There were two sisters {true story} One was known and loved
for her physical attributes her whole life. People always wanted
to be around her because she had a beautiful appearance, men
and women alike. Her sister on the other hand always struggled
with her weight and felt like people were always judging her for
that and not seeing what was inside {when they were teens} Later
on when they were in their 20's, one day they they had an argument
over something very small that soon escalated into them yelling
and saying mean things to each other... the sister that had problems
with her weight said to the other sister, "you don't know what it
was like for me as a teen to always have to watch guys and other
people falling all over you because you are beautiful!" The other
sister, the one who was beautiful said, "Well, you don't know what
it is like to always feel like people only want you because they
want something from you and people never really care about me!"
Afterward, the sister that was beautiful admitted to the other sister
that she had always been jealous of her, because she had a
personality that attracted people and the people that she attracted
actually cared about her, instead of wanting to get something off
of her. They both realized that it is really what is in the heart that
counts. If we live our lives striving to gain attention because of our
looks, the people who give us the attention will only be temporary
acquaintances and will never fulfill our desire to be cared about.
If we let the beauty on the inside show through to the outside then
the relationships that we have with people will be solid relationships
not superficial ones. God does not "ever" look at the outside of
someone when he decides our calling. He only looks at the heart.
Remember the story of David, when he was chosen over his brothers
in 1 Samuel 17 --- The Lord said to Samuel-- "Look not on his
countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused
him: FOR THE LORD SEETH NOT AS MAN SEETH; FOR MAN LOOKETH
ON THE OUTWARD APPEARANCE, BUT THE LORD LOOKETH ON THE HEART.
[David's brothers were not chosen even though they were more attractive
on the outside, instead God looked into David's heart and seen
THAT HE WAS A MAN AFTER HIS OWN HEART.]

It doesn't matter what people think of your sister or how many people
seem to like her instead of you, if you let God beautify you on the
inside, it will show on the outside and the people that you attract
will be wanting to be a real friend to you instead of just wanting something
off of you. It may not been seen for some time, but eventually people
will start noticing something that attracts them to you and that beauty
on the inside is the fragrance that draws people to Christ, not our
physical beauty. Like is says in Proverbs - Beauty is a passing thing..
we get older and lose some of the things that we had as teens,
but if there is beauty in your heart, that is eternal.

Also, I wanted to say, if you want to have a baby,
then why don't you discuss that with your husband.
Lots of people have babies and don't have high paying
jobs. There are ways to work around having to put
a child in daycare. Pray about and let God help you
and lead you. Nobody's life is going to be exactly like
someone else's, but that doesn't mean that we
cannot experience a blessing like having a baby,
just because we are not as financially well-to-do
as someone else.

Hope this helps you a little hun, and I will pray for you also.


Blessings

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Re: Years of comparison

Post by yoj6179 on Wed Jun 09, 2010 12:20 pm

Delanna, THANK YOU! What a blessing! Also, thank you for reminding me of that scripture about David. I appreciate you taking the time to share with me. I really enjoyed your kind words! My husband reminds me everyday that everywhere we go, people are attracted to me because of my kindness, and my love for GOD. Sometimes it's hard to see in ourselves good qualities because we are so focused on looking at other people and their lives.

Thanks again!

I would love to chat with you anytime!

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Re: Years of comparison

Post by Delanna on Thu Jun 10, 2010 12:46 pm

You're welcome Yoj

I'm glad that I could help you sister. Yes, that is true and everyone has good qualities and talents and God has special plans
for each one of us, that were preordained according to those qualities and talents. You have a best friend {Your Husband}
and he sees all your good qualities, so if he says that he sees how people are attracted to you everywhere you go, because
of your kindness, then I would value his opinion above all others. And God's opinion is the most important of all. He loves
you and he called you, so it's your heart that matters to him. Looks will never win a soul and looks do fade, but
the beauty inside will draw people the rest of your life.

Proverbs says: Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

You can pm if you want to talk. I'm not on here everyday, but I will get back to you.

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Re: Years of comparison

Post by Nyagali on Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:59 pm

Hi Yoj, you are so much like my own sister, who I love dearly. In past years we've told her over and over how wonderful she is, but she still struggles with jealousy. It's like an octupus that can't let go no matter what! If you are anything like my sister, she hates this! She wants it gone, but it hangs on, even with deliverance "sessions", counselling and marrying a wonderful man!

I really do believe if we have been touched by the love of God, our hearts are changed. His love is so deep and changes us so that nothing else matters. Keep going to Jesus, He is the only one who can take this away. These words seem so flat on paper, but his love is not. It can't be experienced in words or through activities or events, He is personal and touches your heart so that you know HE is all that matters.

Things come into our lives, I know, that are hard. We are not exempt because we are "believers". The whole world experiences hardships. But Jesus is the only way to get through them. When we try to find answers for our problems, it doesn't help. And you know, you are so blessed to have been through hardships. "In this world you WILL have trouble." What a great promise! :-) Jesus went through trouble. But his Father was always with him, just as we have Jesus through the Spirit to go through with us. We have to be dragged to Jesus. Like Paul who came to Jesus by falling off (knocked off!!) a donkey. Jesus does that with us. He knocks us down so-to-speak so he can show us what is real in life. Our hearts want all sorts of things we can see in this world. But His love for us is constantly showing us that all we need is Jesus. Those who go through the greatest struggles in life I often look at as the most loved. I know God isn't a respector of persons, but honestly, do people who have everything turn to Him? So few. But those who fall apart, get angry, have nothing, have pain, DO go to him. As Peter said, "Jesus where else do we have to go?"
My heart is with you!
joy

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Re: Years of comparison

Post by piano on Sat Jun 19, 2010 7:56 pm

Hi Years of Comparison,

I was wondering if you have tried praying for your sister as a change from praying for yourself to get over the jealousy?

Ask Him to help you pray for her, not to bring something bad into her life, but for Gods Perfect Will in her life, and for spiritual blessings.

I do this when I feel really angry with people and need to forgive them, sometimes just for getting under my skin (because I let them) The outcome is always good.

Piano

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Re: Years of comparison

Post by Christina on Sat Jun 19, 2010 8:29 pm

Yoj -

God bless you for your honesty with yourself and confessing it!

I agree with piano - jealousy & anger are similiar because they burn, smolder and when released, just get bigger.

Going thru my divorce, when I felt overwhelming anger I had never experienced before, I didn't know what to do with it & a fellow Christian told me when they feel that they get on thier knees immediately and give it up to God. They said as soon as it happened again, boom! On thier knees - giving it up to God again.

Needless to say - I spent most of the next two weeks on my knees - even in the bathroom at work. Just 30 seconds or so - but every time it crept up, Boom. Down I went.

But you know what? It absolutely worked.

God Bless you - I will be praying for you and I hope the Lord relieves you of this milestone from your neck, and helps you to find joy in your relationship on an equal balance.

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