finding money and unwillingly giving half

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finding money and unwillingly giving half

Post by hind'sfeet on Sun Jan 31, 2010 5:05 pm

This is part of a long dream that I don't remember.

I was in a strange place I've never been before. In a room that was a store. My ex-boss's wife (irl and who is from India) was dusting off a very dusty bookshelf and she had removed a lot of books. Under the books were coins that people had lost. I started collecting them and I had a huge pocket full. there were no pennies, they were all quarters, dimes, and nickels. Then she moved some other books and I got a little more. She saw that I got all the money and she told me demandingly that she gets half. I begrudginly gave her half because I knew it was her store and it was only fair.

I have my thoughts on this but I'd like to hear what someone else says. I hope my thoughts are wrong though.

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Re: finding money and unwillingly giving half

Post by immortalservant on Sun Jan 31, 2010 5:24 pm

Well, you are probably right in some things you are thinking and do not be discouraged or disappointed in yourself. This is how God tells us the secrets of our heart that we may have not realized were there.
...but I believe that the books are your mind, dusty and needs cleaned. Your natural thinking is that you are owed what you find. Any treasure or gift is for you to take. This may be out of jealousy or envious ambitions. Maybe you have even thought that you deserve things (even spiritual gifts) that others have and they don't. So, this is why you are reluctant to give of the gifts.
Just a way I see the dream...listen to the HS and know that God shows you things to clean up those dusty books. Not so you can think badly of yourself. Satan is the accuser showing God your filthy rags and God stands there ready to clothe you in righteousness!

soapbox soapbox

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Re: finding money and unwillingly giving half

Post by hind'sfeet on Sun Jan 31, 2010 6:26 pm

Thank you immortal :) The funny thing is that my boss did steal from me in not paying me for all the hours that I worked. I do have a natural tendency to be jealous and feel I am owed. This has a lot to do with how I grew up. I felt that I had more taken from me than was given or it would be given and then taken away and given to a sibling or someone else.
I noticed this in a couple children that have been adopted by different sides of the family and that I'm not adopted and show the same tendency of hoarding does not surprise me. I've felt out of place growing up with my guardian and half siblings the entire time I lived there.
I hate that I do get jealous easily and have to shove it away a lot. I despise the feelings. It's a reaction. I have been jealous of other's spirituality and gifts in the past but I don't believe that I am anymore. I am learning and have learned to be happy for people that are farther along in their relationship with God and or who were blessed and or who have gifts. There was a time in my life that I felt that I was very unlucky and that I got all the rubbish no one wanted while those people got all the good stuff and all their prayers answered. I don't believe that anymore and I can see where and how God has blessed me though I'm struggling now, it makes me happy because I know that God Is there taking care of me and will bless me too.
I'm not fully aware of all of my feelings towards things even to the point that I am not aware at all of how I feel about a lot of things. This again is probably due to how I was raised, having to shove down feelings that were "unchristianlike" (more treated this way than told)

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Re: finding money and unwillingly giving half

Post by immortalservant on Mon Feb 01, 2010 9:49 am

Have you forgiven your boos for the things she has done and released her over to God? It also seems that you may struggle with feeling abandoned. I would recommend you find some literature that could help you with feelings of being unloved or unappreciated. These may be some reasons jealousy stirs up in you or the reason you may feel you are entitled to something. In your alone time with God, ask Him to show you where you need to pull the weeds of your heart. Ask Him where you have stored down resentment and bitterness. When He puts a picture of someone in your mind or you hear a persons name and you see the incident of what caused that then release it to Him. The Holy Spirit will lead you to forgive and being to remove the weeds that block you from recieving His perfect love.

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Re: finding money and unwillingly giving half

Post by hind'sfeet on Mon Feb 01, 2010 10:39 am

Than you immortal. I think you have
I have read enough on psychology to be a psychologist! LOL! I've read a lot about feral and adopted children and I see a lot of myself in them. I've grown up a lot since I've been married and away from home.

I read and prayed what you wrote and I hope I just released them to Yahuweh. It's been a real battle trying to forgive people in my life and when I think I have forgiven them some memory pops into my mind and I'm angry all over again.

I believe that I can honestly say that since I've found this site that I am actually wanting to get rid of all my anger and bitterness and resentment towards people. I don't think that I truly wanted to get rid of it before because I thought that if I lost my anger I would lose something, which scared me.

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Re: finding money and unwillingly giving half

Post by immortalservant on Tue Feb 02, 2010 8:11 am

Isn't awesome that God is such a gentleman that He shows us the secrets of our heart thru our dreams and visions. It's up to us to be reseptive to them I am glad that you are open enough to admit mistakes and still know that God's got your back. so many times ppl give up or won't listen and it is so devastating to see them fall. God desperately cries out to His ppl and they refuse to listen. But this site is full of those who long to hear His voice. Bless You

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Re: finding money and unwillingly giving half

Post by hind'sfeet on Tue Feb 02, 2010 10:49 am

Immortal, Thank you flower

I have a mom that rarely if ever admits her mistakes and always condemned/judged me in mine. I understand how difficult it is to admit mistakes and I feel a need to let other people feel a freedom the church does not let us feel in our humanity. The drive to perfection almost killed me except that I am too lazy and ADD to even keep things perfect!! Talk about messy house and car and life!! Now, when I do clean, it does seem to get perfectionistic and that is why I don't do it too often because I get burned out.
Because of this and some other things that happened to me (my mother) and a hopelessness I was wanting to die/never wake up/hide in a closet and never come out, but I cannot ever bring myself to killing myself because of the horrid fear of where I would end up. I don't even know if I'm even on track with my talking! LOL!

I just want freedom to be human even though it's not perfect. Making mistakes and growing up like I did, one cannot help the turnout of abuse. Funny thing is when I was growing up I swore I was not being abused but in the back of my mind, things were not right! That's all I knew and I was jealous of my christian friends who had the wonderful loving and forgiving parents and I had tyrants who called themselves christians too. How confusing to a kid!! I didn't know my ups from my downs and have gotten a lot of them straightened out. God has been working on my feelings I think. Helping me to become aware. Loving me into forgiveness to be able to let go of my tormenters and forgiving me of my own tormenting of others.

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Re: finding money and unwillingly giving half

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