Releasing someone:

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Releasing someone:

Post by knight63 on Sat Jan 30, 2010 1:20 pm

Hello.

I am worn out and would like some wisdom/guidance on how to handle this situation. I have been mentoring someone for nearly two years now and i felt led to let him go so he can gradually grow on his own two feet. I have received many prophetic words on releasing him but i cannot seem for him to let go because i always feel him pulling on me in every way. We live in the same area, school, church, and even work together. It is time i move on, but i do not know how? I have been weening him off for the past three-four weeks, but something always happens to make me want to drop the whole relationship all together. I want to go further but i feel so obligated and pressured to keep pulling this individual out a ditch weekly if seems. Please help.

Here is a dream i had the other night. I was in a room walking with him and he steps on one of my favorite movie dvd's and i hear a crack as though it broke the dvd inside. I pick it up and open it and it looks like its in perfect condition and he began to go rampant saying, see its not broke, ha ha, ha ha, ha ha annoyingly and sarcastically. However, for some reason, i knew it was broke and i took it out of the case and it was in fact broken into a few pieces. So what i did was, i threw the dvd/case on the ground and said, that's it, we're done, get out here! That was the dream.

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Re: Releasing someone:

Post by traveller on Sat Jan 30, 2010 8:36 pm

Hi,
Have you told him you are weening him off? Because if u r officially mentoring him, that would be quite a natural thing to happen after a while in the mentoring, as mentoring is helping people along from where they were at, to a bit further, but doesn't have to be a lifelong commitment (in some cases it might be, but obviously not in your case). Also if it's burdening you, you need to set some boundaries, after praying over it, which i think you have.
You said:"I want to go further but i feel so obligated and pressured to keep pulling this individual out a ditch weekly if seems. Please help."
Healthy mentoring has the aim to help someone grow stronger, like u said so he can grow on his own two feet. If you keep pulling him out of the ditch so to speak, is he growing stronger in that, as that is what he needs. If he isn't, what/who is pulling you to keep running to his rescue?
Questions i can't answer, but keep praying over it and make a plan (like officially, with the person u r mentoring) of how much time u r prepared to still give to him in the weening-off process and then even set a week that's going to be the last official mentoring session, just like they do in official counselling sessions. This way it's discussable, it's clear for both of you, and it gives him and you time to work to a clear and positive ending, where u can naturally release him. If he still needs help after this, consider if u want to give him the option to come see u in half a year's time or if he still needs more, ask if u can find someone else for him to go to.
Just some thoughts, hope this helps some.
God bless you!

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Re: Releasing someone:

Post by knight63 on Sun Jan 31, 2010 2:02 pm

Thank you, this was very insightful. The reason i feel like pulling him out of a ditch periodically is, i am training him to take my job(s) when i leave, but i have been training him for so long already. His mistakes usually cost me, hence me saying earlier i have to step in and pull him out. Basically, i am dealing with his pride and if you understand mentor/counseling, sometimes it really hurts that a person fights back because they are in pride rather than humility and i feel like that all the time these past few weeks.

He understands and i have told him i am no longer his mentor but he will act up weekly and it really hurts me because i been with him so long and he is still immature. I hope that i am making sense. Bottom line, i need to be free so i can grow and move forward and train others rather than, excuse my way of saying this, but "breastfeeding" someone that should be eating meat. I am sorry for my comment above, due to that, i am a man, but that is the best way i can put it.

Thank you.

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Re: Releasing someone:

Post by Cholette on Sun Jan 31, 2010 2:34 pm

Knight63, I know from experience that there is a time and season for everything. God will put you in the life of someone to help them...whether it's spiritually or naturally however, if there is proof that they are not taking in the knowledge that you are liberally giving to them, God doesn't want you to waste your time.

It seems harsh at first, but sometimes letting someone go, so they can stand on their own two feet, is the best thing for them. Some people have "clingy" personalities and no matter what you teach them, they are more prone to require you to hold their hands, even when they know what to do. Others are independent where they can learn and follow through. Since you have been teaching and teaching and it doesn't seem that learning has taken place, it's time to hold on to your "pearls", instead of "casting them before swine". You may find that releasing this person is how they will demonstrate what you have taught them.

You should be honest with them and let them know that as of "x" date, they will be on their own so you can spend time helping and training others. Could it be that this person is NOT the person for your position when you leave? You mentioned that they were immature...I would think that would be a tell-tell sign that maybe it's the wrong person...just a thought!

I hope this helps...I can feel your pain...REALLY I can!


Do not fight FOR victory, but fight FROM THE PLACE of victory. Jesus has ALREADY won the battle!

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Re: Releasing someone:

Post by traveller on Sun Jan 31, 2010 3:12 pm

I second that Cholette! Nothing to add but only that I'd had the same thought you mentioned in your last paragraph:
Quote: "You should be honest with them and let them know that as of "x" date, they will be on their own so you can spend time helping and training others. Could it be that this person is NOT the person for your position when you leave? You mentioned that they were immature...I would think that would be a tell-tell sign that maybe it's the wrong person...just a thought!"

God bless you in making the right decision Knight 63!

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Re: Releasing someone:

Post by Dove-Solutions on Sun Jan 31, 2010 5:18 pm

~Ok I can tell you that I am also in the process of letting someone go. This person calls me at least 5 to 6 times a day and lives out of country. The phone bill alone must be killing the budget. I have tried to mentor this person for some time. Over 7 years. They are not getting it or receiving it or both. The Lord has released me from this. I have tried to make the seperation but this person is very clingy and will not release. It has gotten to the point where I no longer take the phone calls or any of that. I return sent mail, etc. I have had to change my phone number and such because they won't stop calling me. They call all hours of the day or night which makes it kinda tough for sleeping. I do know however that the Lord has my back and this will be dealth with. The Lord will give me the wisdom to handle it. Hang in there.

Love in Jesus,

Conn
ie~


~Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Himand He will direct your path.~ Proverbs 3:5-6

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Re: Releasing someone:

Post by knight63 on Sun Jan 31, 2010 8:00 pm

Thank you all! Everything you said was good to hear and i will definitely seek the Lord even more. It feels good to actually talk with someone that is going through the same thing as me, or has gone before me to help even a mentor/counselor be counseled once in a while.

Thank you again, it was really good to hear all your responses and the your wisdom.

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