Urgent - I don't know what to do about tonight.

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Urgent - I don't know what to do about tonight.

Post by Christa on Mon Jul 27, 2009 2:14 pm

Background: I helped my husband enter a drug re-hab. He willingly went, because he wanted to save our marriage, but he left after one day. I told him it was over. He got a ride home on the bus and has called me a couple of times to cuss me out, but I haven't picked up the phone because I don't want to cave. When he went into re-hab, he gave me his keys and his wallet. Because I'm in another town he hasn't been able to drive his car or get into the shed (where his friend's lawn mower is).

This is what I don't know what to do about: His friend called me up, pretty much blaming me for "putting" Todd in re-hab so that Todd couldn't do his lawn anymore. This guy doesn't think Todd has a problem whatsoever, and says that I'm trying to make Todd a Bible thumping Christian. He's siding with Todd in every way. I would state reasons why I did what I did. I even cried, but this man (and his wife by the way...she's worse than he is about defending Todd!) still thinks Todd didn't deserve what "I" put him through. Now this guy wants to know whether I or him is going to go to where my husband is to drop off the keys and pick up the lawnmower. I still need to get some stuff out of the place there, but I'm really scared. I'd almost rather this guy drop off the stuff, but he won't bring me back my stuff. I'm scared to go up when Todd's there. I was hoping that I'd see him at his friend's house (very close to where I live now) and when I did, I'd go up to my old place (where my husband is living now), pack up my stuff while he's not there. I just don't know why this guy and his wife get involved in our marriage as much as they do. I don't want them to get involved anymore from this point on. I don't know whether to give him the keys or not. I just don't know what to do about this, but I need to know by tonight. I just want to make smart moves for my daughter and I.

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Re: Urgent - I don't know what to do about tonight.

Post by Cholette on Mon Jul 27, 2009 2:27 pm

Christa...please receive this with the upmost love and respect. I understand your concern, however you are making this a little harder than what it should be. I guess it may be because you are battling with "caving in" as you said in the beginning of your post.

You should ask someone you know to give him his keys...you should NOT do that yourself. Do not pay any attention to the friends because it really isn't any of their business. I wouldn't discuss anything with them AT ALL.

If you go to the house and get your stuff do NOT go alone. You said you were staying with your parents so maybe they can go with you to get your things. You should not be anywhere near your husband AT ALL...there is no need for it.

I'm praying that God will strengthen you and give you a BOLDNESS because in this situation you need it. You took the first step...which was an important one...and that was to leave him. Now that you are gone, stay gone...stay away from him and his "peeps"...get the restraining order ASAP so that if he attempts to come near you, he can be locked up.

Once again...do NOT entertain the words that his enabling friends are giving you...they are in the same boat as he is and they all need help.

I'm praying for you and your daughter.


Do not fight FOR victory, but fight FROM THE PLACE of victory. Jesus has ALREADY won the battle!

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Re: Urgent - I don't know what to do about tonight.

Post by HisLightbeam on Mon Jul 27, 2009 2:40 pm

You are going to need wisdom, christa. No one can make this decision for you. What do you want to do? If you go to get your things, you may want to consult with local law enforcement ahead of time, with whatever paperwork you have pertaining to your husband's addiction and rehab. Idk, you might want to call and see what is needed for a police escort to get your things and give him back his. FYI, law enforcement hates to be drawn into domestic disputes. They can get hurt during those, and they know that many times, the spouse who is being mistreated is not going to go until they are truly fed up or are dead. It takes two to tango. Everyone's side is right until the other party gets to say their part. If your husband is consulting his friends, that is perfectly fine. You just stay away from them, out of the mix, and don't even speak to them. For what? He say she say is of the devil. The word of God says let your yes be yes and your no be no. Don't add to it, because anything more is the devil combining to get you caught up in mess. But you are consulting us, right? Ultimately, what you want to be is not on anyone's side, but on God's side, because God fights for justice. So, you have to make a decision according to the word, not our opinion. Is it wise to get in touch with your husband while he and his friends are inflamed, or can you have someone else garner your things for you, and you leave your husband's keys and wallet at a police department lost and found? God is not the author of confusion. I will pray that the Lord put a spirit of peace in the situation, so that you can do what you need to do while going in the direction that Father has for you, sweetheart. This is going to be easier as you continue day by day, but if you go back now, we are going to have many more posts here, or someone will be reading them somewhere else. And, btw, he will get stronger as you get weaker, because we are talking about taking a natural stance against a spiritual stance, when you should continue to battle in the spiritual against the spiritual.

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Re: Urgent - I don't know what to do about tonight.

Post by Virtuous on Mon Jul 27, 2009 2:45 pm

I have to agree with Cholette about NOT taking your husband the keys alone. I don't think you should involve your parents either. I think you should have a police escort with you.

Again, I have to agree with Cholette. Do NOT discuss your business with these so-called friends of his. You owe them NO EXPLANATION.

Well, I was notified as I submitted this response that HisLightbeam's response had been added. I say..."Di-Do"

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Re: Urgent - I don't know what to do about tonight.

Post by lola21st on Mon Jul 27, 2009 2:53 pm

Hi Christa -

I agree with everything that Cholette and HisLightbeam and Virtuous have said. I would like to offer the following as well - is it possible for you to send the keys to your husband's friends via overnight mail or regular mail if you can't have someone meet them? Definitely DO NOT meet them face to face - they will only use it as an opportunity to say/do more things.

And when you do go back to get your things, do seek police escort. You'll be protected and it will show that you're serious. Not sure if you were able to do anything today (e.g., get a restraining order, get a lawyer, counselor, etc.) - but if not, don't let the sun set tomorrow without having gone to your county courthouse to complete the restraining order paperwork and have him served. And then set another goal on Wednesday and each day until this process is underway...

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Re: Urgent - I don't know what to do about tonight.

Post by Christa on Mon Jul 27, 2009 4:06 pm

I just feel so sad. I filled out the restraining order this weekend and I was going to submit it today during lunchtime, but I forgot it at home. My husband called me up threatening me moments after I wrote this prayer request. He threatened me, and then he started crying and saying, "don't take my daughter away from me, it's like a prison." I asked him to go back into the rehab program and he refused. He thinks there's a better way than a Christian rehab. He said he wants to go to marital counselling. If I serve him this restraining order, he will have no visitation up to 5 years until he completes a long term program. It's so sad that he's fighting me on this. I feel bad for my daughter, because she loves her dad. She asks to speak to him every day. I never thought I'd be a single mom. I want my daughter to have a good dad. This is so hard. I can't even talk about this without crying.

I would have to say though that do I agree with ALL of you. However, it's hard when feelings are involved. I still love this man, I don't hate him. I hate the things he does, but the feelings are there to keep giving him chances. He said he's going to be by at 7:30 tonight. I feel like I'm in survival mode, like I have to find a half-way house for my daughter and I tonight. I don't want to. With every ounce of me, I don't want to do that. I asked God to reveal to me what I needed to do about Todd today.....I don't feel a strong pull about what God wants me to do. Please pray for me for guidance. I want God to have the reigns, but when I get these threatening calls, or these sad calls from him when he's crying to see his daughter, I go into a panick. I need God to have the reigns and I need peace. My daughter deserves a put-together mother, not a wreck.

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Re: Urgent - I don't know what to do about tonight.

Post by Cholette on Mon Jul 27, 2009 4:26 pm

Christa...God has the reigns, you just won't let him lead you. I believe you know what to do, but you are not sold on the fact that you really want to do it.

I think everyone has said what needed to be said about this situation so now it's up to you to make your decision. You have described him as a violent and unstable man. Your "feelings" have nothing to do with it when you are dealing with this type of person. Your daughter's WELL BEING is the most important here because you said that she's only 1 years old. She does not recognize the state that her father is in, but you do. It's for the best interest of the child...not the crying man...in my opinion.

I dont' want you to think that I'm being judgemental because I'm not. I've been a "No nonsense" person all of my life and much of what I say sometimes sounds harsh, but it's honestly out of love, care and concern. I just want you to NOT see this from the emotional perspective because that's what gets women in your situation hurt. Entertaining ANYTHING that he has to say right now is not wise because you are thinking emotionally.

Be blessed my sister and know that I love you with the love of the Lord no matter what your decision is...my prayer is that you make the right decision for your daughter.

praying


Do not fight FOR victory, but fight FROM THE PLACE of victory. Jesus has ALREADY won the battle!

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Re: Urgent - I don't know what to do about tonight.

Post by lola21st on Mon Jul 27, 2009 5:47 pm

The danger here is that you're thinking in terms of where he was when you were dating and/or where you know he could be if only he'd stop "_______". The problem is that you have to think in terms of where is he NOW. He can't be with you and Violet based on where he is NOW. And he shouldn't be unless there is a demonstated change for a sustained period of time. Period. You deserve more than that. Violet deserves more than that.

Will be praying for you, that the Lord would speak to you in a way that you can hear clearly... huggins praying

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Re: Urgent - I don't know what to do about tonight.

Post by Dove-Solutions on Mon Jul 27, 2009 8:45 pm

Christa,

Having been in this place so many times before I have to say this and I say it in all love. Your focus now is you and your children ( if you have them) and under no circumstances should you feel guilty about this. He knew the consequence of his actions prior to committing them. If you go back now it just makes it harder for you later. Put on your helmet of Salvation....Knowing that you are forgiven for every thing that has happened to you or that you have done. Put on your shield of faith knowing that the Father knows your situation and your need prior to you having brought it to his attention and has already made plans for you and is giving you the voice through all of us to send you to your new life in him. And above all put on the sword which is the truth and through that truth he will set you free. The sword cuts through all the clouds and half truths the enemy would have you to believe and sets you straight and puts you on the path that God has destined for you.

Do not go to the house. Do not give him the keys or the wallet. Mail it to him. I would leave it all and walk away....never look back but go for the goal the Lord has before you. It is hard I know.....but he will give you all the strength you need.

I pray this is of encouragement to you. We love you and our praying for you.

Love in Jesus,

Connie


~Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Himand He will direct your path.~ Proverbs 3:5-6

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Re: Urgent - I don't know what to do about tonight.

Post by Christa on Mon Jul 27, 2009 10:15 pm

Thank you guys so much for your words of strength. I appreciate your no nonsense approach. The enemy really messed with my head today, but God is sooo good, and he took the little prayers that I had the strength to muster up as well as all of your prayers and He got me through.

I had several other occurances involving his friend after my last response. He threatened to break my shed lock and bust the door open so that he could get his lawnmower tonight instead of waiting for tomorrow. I had made a really decent offer to him and he counteracted my offer with a threat instead. I told him "I take that as a threat and I will use your messages to me against you if you follow through and destroy our landlords property." He text messaged me back humbled and admitting that he was just angry. I offered to take him the keys at that time, because I felt it was the right thing to do at that moment. I felt fine after that, I still do. Also, my landlady was the dark horse in this whole thing. I called her to warn her that this guy may come over to break open our shed to get his lawnmower out of it. Her son went through Teen Challenge and it really helped him. She told me that Todd came in yesterday and she actually ripped into my husband and blocked every excuse he made regarding leaving the program. God sent her to be my advocate! Thank you God!

Thank you Jesus for getting me through today. I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring, but at least by lunchtime, I'll have the restraining order filed with the courts and I'll have something in hand on record, in case he ever gets out of hand. This will buy me a little time in order to get an attorney.

Thanks again everyone. You guys really jumped on this post cause I really needed you. Thank you for the encouragement and the strength-building words. I REALLY needed this forum today in a big way. Thank you, you just don't know how much you've helped me. God bless you all!

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Re: Urgent - I don't know what to do about tonight.

Post by lola21st on Mon Jul 27, 2009 11:55 pm

Anytime! The Lord tells us that we're to share one another's burdens and some of us have been where you are so we understand the struggles that you're facing. So if we come across as no nonsense it's because we've fought through those same thoughts, emotions and interactions that you're experiencing now and know the only way to successfully pass through is to have a face like a flint.. soldier

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Re: Urgent - I don't know what to do about tonight.

Post by Dove-Solutions on Tue Jul 28, 2009 3:31 am

I totally agree with Lola.


~Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Himand He will direct your path.~ Proverbs 3:5-6

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Re: Urgent - I don't know what to do about tonight.

Post by HisLightbeam on Tue Jul 28, 2009 9:09 am

AMen, I second the motion. Anything else will literally have you circling the hot and empty desert, while your promised land is just across the water, a footstep away.

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Re: Urgent - I don't know what to do about tonight.

Post by Christa on Tue Jul 28, 2009 10:12 am

....and I certainly want the promiseland! I feel very restored. Thanks again everyone.

soldier <-------My Flint Face :LOLDOH:

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Re: Urgent - I don't know what to do about tonight.

Post by Christa on Tue Jul 28, 2009 11:57 am

Hey you guys. I'm going to the courthouse in about an hour or two. My boss is actually sending me there for other things. I'll be filing the restraining order then. My husband's friend "Mike" keeps threatening me. I gave over those keys last night. Now, this guy text messaged me saying that he knows lawyers and cops and that it's wrong for me to keep my husband away from my daughter. I don't trust them as far as I could throw them. I know that I have to keep my daughter close, and practically with me at all times. My husband was practically threatening to kidnap her today. I don't feel scared, but I don't want these friends of his providing him with money and everything else. I haven't written this guy back because I don't want to give him power. Can you please pray that this guy and his wife will back off and not help Todd with this. Todd knows what he needs to do in order to make his life right. This guy, "Mike" is rooting for my husband to continue the life that he's been living. That doesn't fly with me. Also pray that I can get an inexpensive (and a Christian) attorney and quickly. Thank you so much.

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Re: Urgent - I don't know what to do about tonight.

Post by lola21st on Tue Jul 28, 2009 12:48 pm

Lifting you and Violet up in prayer right now!

Also, ignore "Mike". "Mike" = noise designed to distract and intimidate you, rebuke him.

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Re: Urgent - I don't know what to do about tonight.

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