Well, my husband left rehab after one and a half days.

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Well, my husband left rehab after one and a half days.

Post by Christa on Fri Jul 24, 2009 9:01 pm

You know, I was so blessed yesterday....of course the devil would try to steal it. My husband left teen challenge. He didn't make it two days. He called me at 6:45 this morning cussing me out saying that he was going to leave. I wasn't sure if he'd actually do it, but I called up teen challenge tonight and he had left right after he talked with me. He hasn't called me all day, which is ok. I told him if he left, our marriage would be over. He said ok to that "just as long as he could see his daughter," and we got off the phone. I made a last ditch effort to get him to stay in and pleaded with him, but he's too selfish to care about his family over himself. To tell all of you the truth, I'd been threatening him for a month letting him know that this was it and if he didn't stay in the full three months (I compromised because it's a year program...the first three months was the induction/detox phase), I was done with the marriage. This man has done nothing short of putting me through hell the last 3 years.

He has a few friends that enable him and house him. They even give him money. Please pray that these friends of his won't have any part in his divorce with me. I don't want them to give him money or support of any kind to help him win a fight with me in court. I really need to go through this with flying colors. He has many demons that he hides from people....a spirit of lust, control, perversion. I'm terrified for my daughter to get any alone time with him. She's rarely been alone with him and when she was alone, I would go do laundry while she slept. Once she woke up, I'd be there within a half an hour. I just don't know what he's capable of. He's mentally ill and full of demons. I wouldn't put it past him to do something bad to my daughter just to get back at me. He's that sick.

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Re: Well, my husband left rehab after one and a half days.

Post by lola21st on Fri Jul 24, 2009 11:39 pm

Hi Christa -

Sorry to hear the news!

I want to offer some unsolicited advice. There are two things you said in your post that really resonated with me:

- First, that he understood that by leaving the program the consequence would be that your marriage is over. Ok, now here is where you have to be strong and follow through with what you stated to him - at this stage you now have to take the lead and set expectations/boundaries around what is acceptable and what is not. Whether you decided to pursue a divorce or a separation, do it NOW. Do NOT delay. Do you have a lawyer? Check for a referral service in your area. Have you talked to anyone at your church? Please check for Christian counseling services through your church or in your local area. It will really help to have someone that you can talk to for counseling, support and guidance through this situation.

- Second, that you're terrified for your daughter to be left alone with him. The well being of your daughter is why the first point above is so critical. If you believe in your spirit that he is a danger to your daughter, then DO NOT delay in getting a lawyer, filing for a legal separation, getting a restraining order, setting up temporary custody so that he is only allowed supervised visits, etc. Based on recent news stories that I've been reading over the last few months (the father who bit his son's eyes out, the mother who buried her son alive in sand at a playground, the mother this week who methodically planned her son's murder and her suicide, a woman in California who had mental health issues and allegedly took her daughter's playmate and raped her with an object and then killed her, and this is just a sampling...there are additional stories), it is clear that the enemy is at work seeking to destroy our children. These crimes are heinous. the fact that parents could do such evil to their own flesh and blood makes me convinced that there is demonic activity at play. Since you know he's mentally ill and you know that he's full of demons and you know that he does drugs and you know that he's vindictive, you have to do everything you can to protect your daughter and you have to do it NOW!

The other piece of this is are you safe in your current location? I can't remember if you are with your parents now or if you're at the same home you lived in with him. Please make sure you're in a safe location should he decide to act out, i.e., it's your fault for making him go there, etc.

Will keep you all in prayer!

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Re: Well, my husband left rehab after one and a half days.

Post by Cholette on Sat Jul 25, 2009 6:27 am

All that Lurdys just said, I was going to say. Sadly, when you said he was going into the program I knew he wouldn't stay. He didn't seem to me that he was ready. He has some deep rooted issues and until he deals with that, it will be hard for him to have sobriety...he has to want it...you can't want it for him.

It's time for you to step away and let his own process begin. Some people have to reach a low before they wake up. He's in no conditon to be with your daughter. No court, from what I've seen, will agree to a unsupervised visit...especially KNOWING that he left a program to get his life together after a day or so. If he really wants to see his daughter, he will get his life together.

I would say NOT to worry about his friends being a negative influence on him regarding the divorce...that's giving them TOO much power in the situation. Your prayer should be that God makes this a smooth transition for you. You need some courage not to compromise because that's what you have been doing. It doesn't matter how much he threatens or cusses you out, stand your ground...stay with the plan that GOD give you and you won't go wrong. Right now, he knows he can control you so that's why he can call you and treat you any kind of way. No one can have control over you unless you give them that control. Your daughter's view of men is at stake here. You need to stay away and be around positivity for HER sake. It's not about your love for him (the one you married, not the person he is now)...it's now about keeping your own sanity and to protect your daugher from developing a thwarted perception of how a man should treat her. Our children learn from us and it's our duty to make sure that they SEE an example. They learn by what the see, not by what we tell them.

I'm praying for you...seek God for a plan and put it into action because HIS WAYS are good and He will lead you the right way because He loves you. There is nothing wrong with you...none of this is your fault...you just ended up with someone that didn't make the correct choices. It's your turn to make a GOOD choice...not just for you, but for your daughter.

Be blessed!!!! huggins

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Re: Well, my husband left rehab after one and a half days.

Post by HisLightbeam on Sat Jul 25, 2009 10:06 am

I am going to say this - we can all counsel you all day, and hold your hand throught this process. We will be more than happy to. Ultimately, however, the choice is yours about what you are going to do. When seven days from now something occurs that is connected with what you choose to do today, you have to be able to say to yourself "I chose to do this, this, and this". Know what I am saying. Whether they are good or bad choices, there are rewards and consequences for every decision under the sun. It is a dangerous thing to fall into the hands of man or mental lethargy. Neither will have mercy on you, or see the situation from your side. This is a rhetorical question--"What are you going to do?" I felt he was not going to stay there, because he wasn't able to correlate your love with the rules that you were setting before him. Do this do that never works very long. The Holy Spirit is a gentleman. If your husband won't respond to the call of a relationship built on love, John 3:16, then he won't respond to it based on law. Because right now he is lawless, and the law is for the lawless, to reign them in, to deal with them punitively. So now, you have to use the natural law and its consequences to deal with the situation. However, this does not mean that you cannot sincerely forgive him and pray for him and his recovery, as well has his release from the demonic. But he has to want to be free as well, or else they will just re-enter his life with more demons. Demons like uncleanness. If he cannot stay clean, they will be back and it will be worse for him.

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Re: Well, my husband left rehab after one and a half days.

Post by HisLightbeam on Sat Jul 25, 2009 10:09 am

This is a grave situation. I know everyone is praying for you, Christa. God is a healer, deliver and provider, and look how he has given you the double portion...keep on walking, girl.

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Re: Well, my husband left rehab after one and a half days.

Post by Christa on Sat Jul 25, 2009 10:29 am

Thank you so much, all of you. I'm going to have some heavy prayer today and ask God to set up a fail proof plan for me. I asked Him about it last night too. I'm staying at my parent's house right now and I think this is the best place because my brother and sister in law live here too. My mom and dad are Christians and very protective of Violet and I. In all honesty, I'd like to be somewhere else just because I don't want him to know where I am and cause trouble or try to take Violet in any capacity. I might look into staying at my other brother's house as well. My husband knows where my other brother lives too, but Ben pretty much hates him, so there's an intimidation there that might keep him away. I'm definitely going to get a restraining order, but I want to get my stuff out this weekend before I do that.

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Re: Well, my husband left rehab after one and a half days.

Post by Guest on Sat Jul 25, 2009 11:01 am

If your brother sins against you,[b] go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'[c] 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
18"I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be[d]bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be[e] loosed in heaven.
19"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."

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Re: Well, my husband left rehab after one and a half days.

Post by Christa on Sat Jul 25, 2009 11:13 am

Thank you for that! I needed that scripture.

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Re: Well, my husband left rehab after one and a half days.

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