Confused about my purpose here...

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Confused about my purpose here...

Post by HeavenlyBlack on Wed Jul 22, 2009 2:52 pm

I don't know why, but I've had a life full of unusual struggles, demonic indwelling, and the supernatural (tongues, dreams/interpretation). I feel like Satan has been trying to "off" me before I can get somewhere. But I'm just some low-income, mentally ill young adult with no church or higher education... but I've also been so blessed with wisdom beyond my years and insight. I often have people older than me compliment me on that. I'm lonely with no friends where I live and it has been dragging on for so long and I'm tired. God recently told me in a dream that I need to go to college, but I'm not sure for what...

In the end I'm just requesting a prophetic word over my life concerning my calling, the reasons behind my strange life.

Thank you,

Tony

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Re: Confused about my purpose here...

Post by sunshine2 on Wed Jul 22, 2009 3:50 pm

OK, well I feel for where you are at. Seems like a hard place to be. I'm not sure what God wants to tell you through me so I will just ask Him what He wants to tell me and then let Him show you the rest.

_________________________________

I feel like the Lord is saying that He has made you tough, but beautiful also ( I don't know if you're a girl, but I heard beautiful). I feel like you have a distinct calling on your life which is why you may feel "alone" or "lonely" a lot. God's desire is not for you to be isolated your whole life. He has done works in you in these alone times that have been valuable in your life. I feel like God is saying that you will find your place, He is going to take you to a place where you will find where you "fit". Don't let the fact that you haven't "fit" in the past keep you from believing that you have a place in the future. I don't know "Exactly" what your calling is but I sense that you were made as a weapon to "knock things down" spiritually. I sense that you were made as a weapon for warfare. AT the same time I sense that you do not have to change who you are. God wants you to do what He has called you to do while at the same time you are called to be totally yourself! YOu are someone who will be used strategically in the hand of the Lord as His tool. Be blessed and encouraged! God has many good things in store for you :)

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Re: Confused about my purpose here...

Post by HeavenlyBlack on Thu Jul 23, 2009 2:28 am

Thank you. I actually sensed in a way that I was meant for spiritual warfare... I remember having a dream once when I was younger where Jesus and I were in a cavern in hell and I had on armor and was fighting demons (in this dream they appeared as impish monsters). I feel like I recall using a sword, but something tells me I was using "powers" too. Jesus and I were talking about something, but I really don't know what.

Tough, but beautiful... ironic concerning the fact that I'm a gothic individual. I never thought of myself as tough though... I always feel so weak. But I guess at the same time I know all I've been through is strength to me. And what I've been through is a lot. PTSD, Schizophrenia, and Bipolar disorder are all things I suffer with - and of course the PTSD was caused by another intense struggle. I often say to myself "I've been through more in life than some old people." LOL. Beautiful to me would mean my sensitivity and depth and tastes. I am kind of feminine, especially considering the fact that most of my friends are and have always been girls. I never felt I could relate to guys my age, but I could relate to them. And it's great that the Lord showed you I do not have to change who I am, like I said - I'm a goth and people DO NOT like that, especially in the Church. It makes me so sad, and particularly angry too. I hate legalism man...

The isolation bugs me, but that is EXACTLY what the Lord showed me. That He was doing a work in me to help me in these alone times. What really saddens me is being alone romantically. I've had such horrible "luck" when it comes to girls I'm attracted to and I always feel scared that their un-love for me is because I'm intrinsically flawed somehow.

Also "knocking things down" reminds me of demonic strongholds. IDK what is the ultimate "point", but I'll find out someday.

Thank you so much

Tony

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Re: Confused about my purpose here...

Post by Guest on Sat Jul 25, 2009 10:31 am

Do what the Lord told you..only when you reach that place all you are expecting from God will manifest.
Read this carefully and have discernment,
God’s Revelation to Elijah



11 Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; 12 and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.
13 So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him, and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
14 And he said, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God of hosts; because the children of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left; and they seek to take my life.”
15 Then the LORD said to him: “Go, return on your way to the Wilderness of Damascus; and when you arrive, anoint Hazael as king over Syria. 16 Also you shall anoint Jehu the son of Nimshi as king over Israel. And Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel Meholah you shall anoint as prophet in your place. 17 It shall be that whoever escapes the sword of Hazael, Jehu will kill; and whoever escapes the sword of Jehu, Elisha will kill. 18 Yet I have reserved seven thousand in Israel, all whose knees have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him.”
Elisha Follows Elijah



19 So he departed from there, and found Elisha the son of Shaphat, who was plowing with twelve yoke of oxen before him, and he was with the twelfth. Then Elijah passed by him and threw his mantle on him. 20 And he left the oxen and ran after Elijah, and said, “Please let me kiss my father and my mother, and then I will follow you.”
And he said to him, “Go back again, for what have I done to you?”
21 So Elisha turned back from him, and took a yoke of oxen and slaughtered them and boiled their flesh, using the oxen’s equipment, and gave it to the people, and they ate. Then he arose and followed Elijah, and became his servant.

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Re: Confused about my purpose here...

Post by HeavenlyBlack on Sun Jul 26, 2009 10:06 pm

"I feel like God is saying that you will find your place, He is going to take you to a place where you will find where you 'fit'."

This I find interesting because I'm about to see a school counselor and take some testing to see where I "fit" career-wise. Especially interesting because, by the order you wrote your word for me, God had already revealed the previous sentence/thing to me Himself - so these things seem to be going in order. "Don't let the fact that you haven't 'fit' in the past keep you from believing that you have a place in the future." - how appropriate considering the fact that the main fear holding me back are all the horrible things I've experienced in school and the fact that I feel it's not the right place for me, that I don't fit! I'm really lovin' the Lord right now!

And mbstudent, thank you for what you have said and the Scripture you gave. I initially based my conclusions on going back to school upon an interpretation of a dream I had, but then later went back and forsook it because I thought I had made an error in the interpretation. Your Scripture about the "still, small voice" reminded me of the time I was "practicing the Presence of God" and felt that "voice" tell me to go to school and pursue business. Now, we'll see if business is right for me - I'm not sure of it myself - but I have loved the idea of opening my own since I was a small child. Verse fourteen particularly speaks to me... I am so upset about the state of God's Church today - I feel they have abandoned the proper ways of New Testament liberty in exchange for the curse of the Law, they are tearing apart the Church in society's eyes by making it look like an sour old lady's list-of-rules religion, and they are effectively putting the sword to the supernatural powers of God - claiming them to be of the devil and such. God seems to be speaking to me about the "remnant" - I happened upon this Scripture:

Micah 7:18-20 "Where is another God like you, who pardons the guilt of the remnant, overlooking the sins of his special people? You will not stay angry with your people forever, because you delight in showing unfailing love. Once again you will have compassion on us. You will trample our sins under your feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean! You will show us your faithfulness and unfailing love, as you promised to our ancestors Abraham and Jacob long ago."

I feel people like those here on the forum are a part of a remnant, who serve God out of love and amazement and not fear and rule-bound appearances.

Verse nineteen speaks to me because I always have had a habit of turning back to my old life, afraid to kiss the former things goodbye.

Thank you God, and thank you all so much bretheren! I'll be posting a "MANIFEST" as soon as, well... it does! :coolyoh:

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Re: Confused about my purpose here...

Post by sunshine2 on Tue Jul 28, 2009 10:40 am

:afro: So glad it is all fitting together and making sense! Bless you!! :cute:

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Re: Confused about my purpose here...

Post by HeavenlyBlack on Thu Jul 30, 2009 8:29 am

Joyce Meyer likes to put things two ways. There are "chicken Christians" who tend to just keep put and not go very far in the Lord, and there are "eagle Christians" who chase their dreams and want to follow the Lord as closely as possible. Now check this - she says when an eagle Christian follows their calling they tend to have to go it alone. So I'm so lonely because I have that "distinct calling" upon my life and I don't just want to settle down like everyone else!

WOOT!

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Re: Confused about my purpose here...

Post by Mark Saint Gunn on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:26 pm

Maybe go to college and see what happens. That is what I did. I had a word placed over my life by a prophet. She told me to go to a community college. I did. I am almost done now. I have found so much self-esteem from going to college. I have met friends also. Because you are low-income you might get better financial aid. Furthermore, I have a mental disability and I am getting really high grades. Colleges have places that help people with disabilities. Praise God that he gave you direction to college. He knows you do not know what to go to college for. But, just listen to his step and go to college. It will change your life!

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Re: Confused about my purpose here...

Post by redsongbird777 on Tue Aug 18, 2009 8:49 am

Your trials are not in vain....

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Re: Confused about my purpose here...

Post by Linda Irish on Mon Nov 23, 2009 11:47 pm

Tony...YThe fact that you have been under attack from the enemy in your life for so long is a powerful confirmation that you are a threat to the kingdom of darkness...the spirit of light in you and the fact that the enemy is working so hard to war against you, is a confirmation that God has big plans for you. keep eating the word the meat keep growing in the Lord til He breaks you loose into the ministry that He has for you. If God told you to go to school....do it. If you don't know If He wants you to go to school....ask God to confirm yea or nay, so you can get to it. It is often the black sheep of the family that has the greatest annointing of God on them....god Bless you...

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Re: Confused about my purpose here...

Post by Linda Irish on Tue Nov 24, 2009 1:02 am

ps...I just want to say I love joyce meyers...

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Re: Confused about my purpose here...

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