Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

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Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by celestial.butterfly on Tue Jul 14, 2009 5:33 pm

I noticed that many of us women here have had some sort of revelation from God about our future husbands. As we await God's perfect timing for Him to send us our helpmates, I thought it would be a good idea to discuss marriage based on God's Word.

Proverbs 18:22 states, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD."

Notice that she is ALREADY a WIFE when found. Obviously we must be functioning as a wife prior to his approach.

I'm just starting the thread and wish that everyone would add to our knowledge base about what constitutes marriage (God's way). Also, How can we prepare ourselves?

Marriage is:
a ministry, servanthood, and fellowship

A husband is:
the head of the household, loves his wife as Jesus loves the church.

A wife is:

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by Virtuous on Wed Jul 15, 2009 10:43 am

I'll have to come back to this one. Wheew!!!!! I'm about late for an appointment but you can believe I'll be back with my thoughts. It'll be tomorrow, though!

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by celestial.butterfly on Wed Jul 15, 2009 1:37 pm

A wife is:[/quote]
is her husband's helpmate

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by Virtuous on Thu Jul 16, 2009 9:33 am

Okay, Ima try this again. I don't know what happened to my earlier post...NTway...

A wife is:
Submissive to her husband and respects him.

I think the ideal wife will exhibit the characteristics of the Virtuous Woman described in Proverbs 31.

I think in preparing ourselves to be married (God's way) we must be holy, clean, pure... as it is mentioned in Ephesians 6.

As I thought of this statement, "A woman's heart should be so well hidden in God, a man (her husband) will have to seek praying Him to find her"; God dropped a nugget in my spirit. Before I share it, I must touch bases on the Proverbs 18:22 scripture reference because it ties in to what God spoke to my spirit. "When a man findeth a wife, he findeth a good thing and favor in the sight of the Lord" - To find a wife, whose heart is hidden in God, a man has to seek God first. If he's seeking God, he's only going to receive the best (a good thing) that God has to offer...God's favor is upon him in that respect to allow him to "find" the heart of a woman who has hidden herself in Him.

A relative of mine once told me that if I can trust God with MY heart, I will be able to trust God with my husbands heart. Just as our hearts should be well hidden in God for a man to find us, a man's heart should also be well hidden in God that God can direct Him to us when the time comes. I think the commitment we should have in our relationship with God is a reflection on the commitment we will have with our spouses.

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by Cholette on Thu Jul 16, 2009 10:49 am

Why didn't I see this discussion before today?? Scratch Chin

First,

Proverbs 18:22 states, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

Notice that she is ALREADY a WIFE when found. Obviously we must be functioning as a wife prior to his approach

Hmm Celestial Butterfly...I'm not sure what you mean by this. I don't think this scripture means that you are already a wife or functioning as one when found...I believe that once a man sees a woman that he desires to be with and she is found to be "good" and they are married...that's when he found his wife and that's when he obtains favor from the Lord. If I'm misunderstanding your explaination of this please let me know.

Spiritually, we prepare ourselves just the way Virtuous explained it...making sure our hearts are hidden in God. I don't think we can have a relationship with our spouses until we first have one with the Lord. Many people haven't perfected getting into his presence and sitting before him and receiving direction and instructions from the Lord. We still have problems humbling ourselves before him and sitting down long enough to "experince" him. We can't love another until we first be loved by God.

We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19

When we speak of how to naturally prepare ourselves, we do that by making sure our affairs are in order. My motto is this, I need to develop and maintain my finances, my home and my "self" the same I would expect my perspective spouse to do. I can't expect him to come rolling with money or "things" and I don't know how to maintain the little that I have. It's going to take good stewardship over the little things before God can trust us with much.

...You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. (Matthew 25:21)

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by Virtuous on Thu Jul 16, 2009 11:49 am

When we speak of how to naturally prepare ourselves, we do that by making sure our affairs are in order. My motto is this, I need to develop and maintain my finances, my home and my "self" the same I would expect my perspective spouse to do. I can't expect him to come rolling with money or "things" and I don't know how to maintain the little that I have. It's going to take good stewardship over the little things before God can trust us with much.

Oh, help me Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is true. HELP ME LORD...HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by celestial.butterfly on Thu Jul 16, 2009 12:59 pm

Cholette, I guess I have a hard time explaining myself sometimes. This is what I meant:

Now I am speaking from a spiritual and Biblical aspect... Before our Heavenly Father sends that man (husband) our way, we (the wives) must be exemplify the characteristics of a wife. A godly wife will have an intimate relationship with God and he will be the forefront of her life. And you are saying expressing my same sentiment-- "making sure our affairs are in order."

When I really digested that scripture, "Whoso findeth a wife..." I noticed that it did not say, a WOMAN, but a WIFE...I just really feel that before that man of God approachs us we will already be operating in the role of wife.... loving God and totally submitting ourselves to Him as we would our husbands. Moreover, when I leave my house am I that woman with my cleavage out or am I dressed as a modest woman?

Do you feel what I am saying, Cholette?

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by celestial.butterfly on Thu Jul 16, 2009 1:51 pm

Virtuous and Cholette, you guys are right on! And I am going to ponder and meditate on the scriptures that you all posted.

For many years it has taken me to get to the points that you all have discussed.

For MANY years my idea of marriage was way off!!! I wanted to be married for all of the wrong reasons. I thought a husband would make me happy, release some of my financial stress, and complete me. Everything was based on feelings too (feelings can be so dangerous if we are driven by them).

Before, every time I had a problem, I'd run to everyone else but God. I put more faith in people than I did God. I actually put people on pedestals. And when I look back, I put them in the place of God. I've lost many so called friends too. And when people have failed me and it seemed like the whole world was against me, I cried out to God. Most importantly-- when I finally realized that it was not about me, but serving God and serving in His Kingdom, that's when the lightbulb lit up.

Boy have I been transformed!

When God is transforming us, sometimes it hurts so bad. But believe me it's all worth it when you can see His love for you.

Now when I have a problem, the first person that I go to is my Heavenly Father. I can now sit in His presence and commune with Him. I talk to Him and He talks to me too (in fact, I find that God is very talkative). I love being a servant in His Kingdom. I love how God uses me for His honor and His glory. It's so easy for me to pray on behalf of others too. Man, God is awesome and I'm so in love with God that I can go on and on...

Okay, let me get back on topic...

What do you mean by "our hearts should be hidden in God"? I'm not getting it exactly. Will you please explain in lame terms? Thanks!

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by Cholette on Thu Jul 16, 2009 2:55 pm

Yes my new friend, I feel what you are saying now. We are pretty much saying the same thing. I think it was the word "role" that threw me off. In my brain that says to me that she is already a wife. I believe she will have the "charateristics" of a wife when he finds her. It's like when you read when God created Eve. He put Adam asleep and then took his rib and went some place else to create Eve because the Bible says that God "Brought" her to him. When Adams saw her, he recognized that she was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh right away. This is why I believe that when the man "finds" his wife, HE KNOWS once he sees her because God created Adam a helpmate that was "suitable" for him. When something is suitable...it just fits. :clap:

Every time I read Genesis 2 sloooowly, I learn something new!!!! flower

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by Cholette on Thu Jul 16, 2009 2:57 pm

By the way celestial butterfly...your love affair with God sounds very special. Don't you love the way He makes you feel? I learned some of the same lessons you learned about putting people on pedastals. I learned the HARD way just like you did!!!! duh I'm so happy that I have a loving Father that awaits me at any given moment...OH HOW I LOVE HIM!!


Do not fight FOR victory, but fight FROM THE PLACE of victory. Jesus has ALREADY won the battle!

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by Desiree (Starpop) on Thu Jul 16, 2009 6:17 pm

I believe that a woman is "a good thing" if she is supportive, humble, ingenuitive, uses discernment and is sensitive to the needs of her husband. She is that perfect complement for him--that missing puzzle piece that can bring she and him both into the entire plan that God has for their lives.

I do believe that women must understand who they are in God (allow him to give them their validation) and show them their destinys first before they can meet their mates--or should I say, be able to be "that right match" for the mate. When you know who you are, you won't settle for less and even if the wrong ones ARE attracted to you, you will be able to sift them out. If you want certain characteristics in a mate, you have to be those characteristics yourself. Your mate will be strong where you are weak and vice verca.

I just felt the need to say this--this is a constant reminder/revelation to me. I want to hold on to my vision/dream of a mate and not give up too quickly. God promises that if we continue to do what is right and not be tired in doing it, that we will in due time reap a harvest (crop) and receive double portion from him!! HALELULIA!! WORK ON YOURSELF AND WAIT FOR GODS BEST!!

Smooches
desiree


Last edited by Desiree (Starpop) on Thu Jul 16, 2009 8:37 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by LovetoworshipJesus on Thu Jul 16, 2009 6:30 pm

Aha!! here we go I would like to input on this. I like everyones comments. I believe preparation is Key here. Being prepared and ready to rcv what God has for us. The most important is To die to flesh daily. Take up your cross daily and follow Jesus and as we do that he will lead into that ordained divine setup from heaven to our spouses. Yeah I know easy for some right!! Well its not easy however by talking about this I think it helps ease the waiting just A lil. We must have a servant heart, what I notice about me is that I am developing more of a servant heart. I will help you and do what I need to do for you, but the challenging part for me is serving people who are rude and crude to me, but you slowly but for sure I am becoming more humble. Humbleness is another kingdom principle. If you read the book of matthew it speaks about kingdom living and principles.

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by Desiree (Starpop) on Thu Jul 16, 2009 8:34 pm

I definitely had to become more humble!!!!lol

Looking for the fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) and 1 Corinthians love to be daily evident in your mate's life is key as well (defines authenticity in my opinion). I'm a fruit inspector!!!Lol...If your fruit aint right, God will let me know!! lol!

I wanted to be married for all of the wrong reasons. I thought a husband would make me happy, release some of my financial stress, and complete me. Everything was based on feelings too (feelings can be so dangerous if we are driven by them).

Before, every time I had a problem, I'd run to everyone else but God. I put more faith in people than I did God. I actually put people on pedestals. And when I look back, I put them in the place of God. I've lost many so called friends too. And when people have failed me and it seemed like the whole world was against me, I cried out to God. Most importantly-- when I finally realized that it was not about me, but serving God and serving in His Kingdom, that's when the lightbulb lit up.

Boy have I been transformed!

When God is transforming us, sometimes it hurts so bad. But believe me it's all worth it when you can see His love for you.



Great discussion celestial.butterfly--I am in full agreement! What a good work God has done in my life!...thanks for posting this topic, it will bless many! :clap: kiss huggins

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by celestial.butterfly on Thu Jul 16, 2009 9:47 pm

Cholette,
Yes, I do love the way God makes me feel-- so good. I yearn for Him so much. It's like I can't get enough of Him and His Word. I desire to know Him more and more-- words can't describe... Even my daughter knows that My thoughts are consumed with God. She told her teacher, "My mom always worries about God.". Thank God her teacher is Christian... Her teacher said, "That means your mom is God-fearing."

Starpop, I felt moved in my Spirit to start this thread because this is essentially the next step for us single ladies who are waiting for our manifestations. I also know without a shadow of doubt I will be "found" very soon. I don't know the date, but I know breakthrough is heavy on my heels. God works in numerous ways... Yesterday, unexpectedly, my co-worker asked me if I would like to go to a bridal show. It scared me a little because, in reality, I've actually shown a heavy interest in planning my wedding (she has no clue).

It's really important for me to be where God needs me to be when the hubby comes.

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by LovetoworshipJesus on Thu Jul 16, 2009 9:55 pm

Desiree I like what you said I am a fruit inspector. Me too lol!!

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by Virtuous on Fri Jul 17, 2009 6:42 am

For many years it has taken me to get to the points that you all have discussed.
I'm just now getting these points myself.

For MANY years my idea of marriage was way off!!! I wanted to be married for all of the wrong reasons. I thought a husband would make me happy, release some of my financial stress, and complete me. Everything was based on feelings too (feelings can be so dangerous if we are driven by them).
Before, every time I had a problem, I'd run to everyone else but God. I put more faith in people than I did God. I actually put people on pedestals. And when I look back, I put them in the place of God. I've lost many so called friends too. And when people have failed me and it seemed like the whole world was against me, I cried out to God. Most importantly-- when I finally realized that it was not about me, but serving God and serving in His Kingdom, that's when the lightbulb lit up.
Cholette and I just spoke about going through this ourselves in another post so I understand you completely.

What do you mean by "our hearts should be hidden in God"? I'm not getting it exactly.
Christ-centered...Christ-focused. We should have a "pure" eye which is focused only on God. Just as the scripture says, "Thy word have I hidden in my heart that I might not sin against you", I believe as the word is hidden in our heart, our heart will be so hidden in God that we will trust and believe Him for who He is. We will get a revelation of How BIG He is...

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by celestial.butterfly on Fri Jul 17, 2009 7:33 am

Thank you for clarification, virtuous.
Oh and that lady described in Proverbs 31 is one tough momma.

Question: Just curious...do you guys thank God for your husband everytime you pray?

Well, I'm surprised at myself because Thank God for my hubby all the time. Too me it seems so bold that I can confidently do this. Guess it's hard for me to believe myself because Im very analytical and doubt use to consume me. It's like I've been delivered of fear and doubt (is that even possible?)

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by Virtuous on Fri Jul 17, 2009 7:55 am

Yep...she's the baddest woman to ever walk the face to this earth and I want to be just like her when I grow up :yes: !

Well, I don't thank God for my husband "every time" I pray; however, I do pray for him a lot. Sometimes more in debt than other times depending on what I'm feeling in my spirit. There was a season that I would always pray for God to encourage his heart.

Being delivered from fear and doubt is very possible. I'm believing (even if the enemy tries to make me think I'm not) that God has delivered me from fear as well. He said in His word that He has not given us the spirit of fear but of peace, love and a sound mind. If His word says that, and if we have fear in us then we know it is not of God and He WILL deliver us from it!

I think God is preparing us for way more than we think. I think all of this is in line with the plans of what He has purposed for our lives. I am so excited about what God is doing in the lives of His people and I will be the first to give Him thanks right now before it even happens... :thankyou: , Jesus!!!!!!!

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by Cholette on Fri Jul 17, 2009 8:56 am

Oh and that lady described in Proverbs 31 is one tough momma.

I have convinced myself that I AM the Proverbs 31 lady. I may not currently operate in all of her charateristics, but I am "wired" with the same characteristics. I frequently pray over myself from that chapter and because I do, I can say that I AM the Proverbs 31 woman of God. :goofy:

Question: Just curious...do you guys thank God for your husband everytime you pray?

I don't thank God for my husband and I will tell you why. I was taught wrong by the leadership of my church, as a young Christian, when it came to praising and worshipping the Lord. I was told to praise him because praise brings the blessings. I found out later, through my private time with God, that was manipulation. He told me that I was already blessed and to go through those antics JUST to receive from Him, grieved his heart.

During that time in my life, I was "performing" before the Lord in my prayers...thanking him so he would be pleased and send my husband...praying for him so God could see I was serious and send him quicker. For me, I learned I was manipulating God. When God so lovingly told me that, I stopped immediately. I realized I did NOT have the relationship that I thought I did with him so I began to develop it. I rarely pray to be blessed or pray for my husband or thank God for him...not that it's wrong, but I think I haven't separated or learned how to do it in the right frame of mind yet. I still think that if I do it then I'm still manipulating him. I know that he is on his way regardless if I thank him or not because he's been promised to me already. I'm just looking for that balance to be able to pray for him like I do my son or my family...heartfelt and REALLY praying for His life without doing it to look good. It's hard for me to pray for someone I don't know...per se. I mean, I can pray in the spirit (my prayer language...tongues) and can accomplish alot, but as you get to know me, you will find out that I'm quite nosey and I like to know the words I'm saying/praying... :LOLDOH:

I love this discussion...it feels like I'm in Bible Study everyday... flower

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by Virtuous on Fri Jul 17, 2009 9:16 am

I realized I did NOT have the relationship that I thought I did with him so I began to develop it.
This is where I am now but I would have to say that I realize I do NOT have the relationship that I am required to have with Him.

I've always known that I've never known what it is to know WHO GOD IS for myself through it being revealed to me. Meaning...knowing WHO HE IS other than what has been taught to me by man (human efforts). It really hit home for me last night during our Church Anniversary service. The guest speaker came from Matthew 16:13-19 where it talks about Jesus asking who did men say that He was. They gave all these possibilities of who man said he was. He asked them, "Who do YOU say I am?" Peter told Him He was the Messiah, the Son of the Living God. Jesus told him that flesh and blood (human efforts) didn't reveal that information to him. He had to receive that revelation from God himself and for that reason He built His church on "that" rock. "That rock" was/is the foundation of the revelation of WHO GOD IS. Not what He has done. Not what He will do. Not what He can do. Not what He has promised to be and do. But WHO HE IS.

I have yet to experience that and now that I know there is more to "knowing" who God is and who He is to me...I'm going to chase after the revelation until it begins to chase and over take me. I will not be left out of the loop on this!

Cholette, you are right. What you said is very important about our relationship with God and I am starting to prepare myself to develop it. I want it....!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by Desiree (Starpop) on Fri Jul 17, 2009 9:28 am

Just a few questions:

What about "speaking things that are not as though they were"(Romans 4:17) (meaning, you may not have it now, but you're speaking it by faith, knowing that its on its way?) Afterall, if you delight in God He WILL give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4)!

..Also

"you have not because you ask not" (James 4:2)?

Could it be that some of us don't have our husbands/wives yet because we're not asking with the right motives/heart? Ask yourselves, Why do I want to get married? Would I still be okay if I never get married?

I'm a firm believer of praising God for what you don't have yet--its all about faith. Cholette, how is it manipulating God if he has already promised us that we can have the desires of our hearts (especially if we ask)--we still have to come to his throne BOLDLY for what we want don't we? (Hebrews 4:16). Even though this scripture talks about grace and receiving mercy, I believe it goes for anything else that we may have a desire for. If we're in God we're not going to ask anything that's not in his will because we'll have his mindset and want what HE desires for us (it won't be of the flesh) (John 15:7)

I'm not trying to start a debate here, just wanted to make sure I understood where you were coming from!

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by Cholette on Fri Jul 17, 2009 10:25 am

Desi...what I was doing was USING God to get what I wanted. I was told to praise God if you want to get this or get that. I wasn't thanking and praising him because I appreciated him, I just wanted what he had for me. That's where the manipulation came in.

I don't want anyone to get the idea that you can't thank God for you husband (or anything else) or pray for him. In MY case, I wasn't doing it with the right motive in my heart. It's hard for me to explain because most people may not understand the type of teaching I was under. It was all about getting "stuff" instead of developing a relationship with Him and bringing others to the kingdom of God. Now that I am learning...REALLY learning what Grace is and what Jesus did for me, my desires have changed.

I now believe that my husband will come NOT because I praise God for him...but because I've been promised by God. By all means...praise God for what you don't have yet...my thing is make sure your motive is right because the other part of the James scripture you quoted says...

Yet you donít have what you want because you donít ask God for it. And even when you ask, you donít get it because your motives are all wrongóyou want only what will give you pleasure. (James 4:2-3 NLT)

Hopefully that makes sense now... thumbs

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by celestial.butterfly on Fri Jul 17, 2009 10:37 am

Wow, some juicy stuff... I don't even know where to begin.

Cholette, you shouldn't feel like you are manipulating God. Like Starpop said, God does give us desires. And when we are praying in the will of God, we know.

I, too, used to feel guilty for asking for myself in prayer, but for me it was more of I felt like I didn't really deserve good and I was afraid of using God like He was some genie. But when I stepped back and "learned" how to pray and praying the will of God, I am confident to ask. Yes, I believe it and receive it and thank God.

Mark 11:24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer believe that you have received it and it will be yours.

Of course, according to God's will.

I've read a couple of books on prayer by a well-known author (PM me if you'd like to know the titles). He really digs into scripture and he takes Jesus' model prayer and breaks it up so that people who are learning to pray can make it applicable to their prayer lives. I've been blessed by those books. My prayer life and time with God has come along way. And no it is not all about me and my requests. For me it has really become about God and His Kingdom. Anyway, I 'm getting longwinded-- NEXT...

Starpop, those scriptures are wonderful! And I am glad that you posted them because us children of God should know that we can be confident in Him. Motives do play a role in all of this. If it's not lined up in the will of God, then I can see there being an uneasiness. But if we are delighting ourselves in the Lord (which I know we all are- right?), then we know His will and way.

Man, I never thought that I would get to this point. God's work is beyond human comprehension. Wow, if you guys only knew...

I'm so in love with God...sometimes I wonder, if I am to love my husband like this, he might think I'm obsessed.


Last edited by celestial.butterfly on Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:38 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Mistake)

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by celestial.butterfly on Fri Jul 17, 2009 10:50 am

Cholette, I really do know where you are coming from. For example, that whole propserity thing and propserity teachers distorted my way of thinking for a while. Prosperity is just an aspect of God's Kingdom. And I really feel it shouldn't be the focal point. I cant' stand all that, "Claim your house, claim your car, claim, claim"

What about? Dropping to the floor, burying your head in the ground and worship God for who He is. What about sacrificing your time and changing your plans to do the work of God-- serving and giving.

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

Post by Cholette on Fri Jul 17, 2009 1:13 pm

AMEN!!!!!!!!!! It's amazing how true Matthew 6:25-33 is the epitome of what to do when you have need...Don't worry, but seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and EVERYTHING will be added to us. There was a time when I would never pray about myself and all of a sudden I would get blessed with something and I would say "hey, thanks Lord"...or I would think about a need and before the thought completely left my mind, it would manifest.

Lately I've been GOING THROUGH!!! I think I have left that place of COMPLETE trust and started doing the "worry" thing a little...believe me, I can tell the difference, but this response is reminding me that I need to get back to that place in God because it was SO peaceful!!!


Do not fight FOR victory, but fight FROM THE PLACE of victory. Jesus has ALREADY won the battle!

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Re: Marriage Preparation/ What Constitutes Marriage (God's Way)?

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