My marriage is falling apart

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My marriage is falling apart

Post by Christa on Sun Jul 05, 2009 10:04 pm

I married a functioning autistic man (didn't know it) 3 years ago. He's also narcisistic, a thief, and a liar. We have a 21 month old daughter together. My husband is demon possessed I think. He cusses me out on a regular basis for very invalid reasons. He smokes marijuana behind my back and he's a convicted felon for selling marijuana to a 14 year old back in the day. We're sort of separated right now because I'm tired of the verbal and mental abuse that comes and goes without warning. My daughter (who's not even 2) asked me if I was ok and rubbed my arm the other day after a fight. I left for good at that point. Now my husband is blaming me for his tire blowing out on the freeway and instead of him getting towed to a tire place, he got it towed to the bikini girl, 4th of July, party his friend invited him to. He's blaming me for not going and picking him up from there, taking him somewhere to get a tire, and then dropping him back off at the party. He's completely ridiculous and he doesn't know Jesus. Can I claim abandonment on this one? I don't want to get a divorce unless I absolutely have to, but I don't want this devil one minute alone with our daughter. I just don't trust him. Please pray for me, I really need answers by, like tomorrow. I'm trying to get him into a Christian rehab program on Tuesday. He would live there a year. That is our only chance. Please pray for his voluntary admitting into this place. My head is going to explode if I have to deal with him anymore.

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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by dreamster on Mon Jul 06, 2009 12:33 am

bandaid uve gotta seperate 4 ur own safety an ur child,, :eek: :eek: u dont needa revelation or prophacy,,just do it now..b4 somethang worser happens,, :eek:


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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by Desiree (Starpop) on Mon Jul 06, 2009 12:42 am

I think that Dreamster is right on this one sis--you need to get away as soon as possible. You've seen the signs (there apparent before you) and you just talking about it lets me know that you are crying out for confirmation on what you already know to do!

If your husband is not showcasing the fruits of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) and he's not showing you the kind of love that Jesus exhorted us to show (1 Corinthians 13) then you definitely need to be thinking twice about your loyalty to him. Do it for the safety of your family. Maybe your moving on will cause him to come to Jesus down the road?

Praying that God will keep his hand on your life
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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by dreamster on Mon Jul 06, 2009 1:48 am

:okay: :thankyou: desi 4 tha bakup,,its betta 2 be safe than sorry,,theres no place 4 misplaced loyalty...ive read of 2 many woman maimed or killed because of it,, bandaid bandaid bandaid finda frend 2 help u sweety,, :clap: thumbs D


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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by Halo on Mon Jul 06, 2009 1:50 am

Christa~ The sound of ''danger'' and the aroma of ''fear'' makes for a bad concockaction. For much harm is surley in the distance of the future for you and your child. I say RUN and HIDE....meaning, only not to be found until you hear from the throne~room until you can gather your thoughts and receive counseling while you make refuge in the shadow of his wings. Peace~Be~Still

Halo~

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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by Christa on Mon Jul 06, 2009 10:05 am

Thanks you guys. I'll keep you informed.

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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by Dove-Solutions on Mon Jul 06, 2009 10:26 am

Christa,

I come from a long line of abuse both sexually and physically. The Lord calls us to be a helpmate to our husbands and to be submissive to one another. He does NOT call us to be a door mat or a punching bag or a verbal punching bag either. Sometimes the Lord gives us wisdom when it is time to leave and if fear and distrust are present then it is time for you to go.

I will keep you in prayer.

Love in Jesus,

Connie praying praying praying


~Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Himand He will direct your path.~ Proverbs 3:5-6

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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by dreamster on Mon Jul 06, 2009 4:14 pm

crying connie how awful,, crying u r rite though,, :clap: thumbs


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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by lola21st on Mon Jul 06, 2009 5:15 pm

I echo the posts that have already been made. I also have a personal testimony of being married to an abusive functioning (on most days) alcoholic. His behavior became progressively bizarre and dysfunctional. The frequency of his acting out increased and his boundaries started to diminish, i.e., there were certain people that he would never have considered acting out in front of (our parents, our child) and that started changing. He was irrationally jealous (once accused me of flirting with a boy who had Down's syndrome) and his tirades were set off by the smallest perceived wrong, e.g., my coming home 10 minutes later than usual, a $7 drugstore purchase that appeared on one of our credit card statements that he didn't recall, etc.

To say it was bad is an understatement but while in the middle of it, I too needed reassurance about if I was doing the right thing by leaving him vs working it out while still in the home. One fight later answered that very quickly for me. You ABSOLUTELY have to think about the well being of your toddler first - these images of arguing and violence that your little one may be witnessing do have an impact.

I will pray that he does enter the rehab program. And, if possible, try to find a good Christian counselor who can offer assistance to you for your own well being. In my own case, being able to discuss the issues in an objective forum really helped me to maintain perspective and to make some tough decisions.

In my case, I did get a divorce and it was for the best. While our relationship has improved dramatically over the years, ten years and three girlfriends later he still has anger management (and verbal abuse) and alcohol related issues that remain unresolved despite rehab, arrests, court appearances and probation....his behavior has been better for the last year or two but I question if that isn't because he's currently in a long distance relationship?

Again, I encourage you to separate for now so that the intervention can take place. If he's not willing to seek help, then you have your answer. Unfortunately, even if he seeks help you still have to move slower than molasses until you see concrete and sustained changes in him. I would encourage you to work under the supervision of a Christian counselor so that you have support in understanding the Lord's will regarding your next steps.

I pray that your husband will come to know Jesus so that he can be healed of his illnesses and hurts and be delivered of the demons that have hold of him. I also pray for strength and wisdom for you as you go through this process. Be reminded that God loves you and is hurt as well by this situation - this is not how He wants His child to be treated. You are wonderfully and fearfully made, this is God's love for you:

"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another." (1 John 4:7-11)

And be encouraged that He hears you and He will not forsake you:

Psalm 9:9–10 (NIV)
9 The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.
10 Those who know your name will trust in you,
for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.

2 Samuel 22:1-3, 18, 48-50: And David spoke the words of the song to the Lord in the day that the Lord delivered him from the hands of his enemies and from the hand of Saul. He said, “The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold, and my refuge. My savior, you save me from violence…He delivered me from my strong enemy, from those who hated me, for they were too strong for me…The God who executes vengeance for me, and brings down peoples under me, who also brings me out from my enemies; you even lift me above those who rise up against me; you rescue me from the violent man. Therefore, I will give thanks to You, O Lord, among the nations, and I will sing praises to Your name.

Just as the Lord delivered David from his enemies, He is delivering you from your situation. The Lord has great plans for you and they do not include abuse:

Jeremiah 29:11 -
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Sorry if this rambles, I just have so much to say in so little time and it all came out at once... flower

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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by dreamster on Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:07 pm

wow wow lurdy....


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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by HisLightbeam on Tue Jul 07, 2009 1:05 pm

You can go now. If you still have doubts about the divorce and working it out, you know that you can still doubt at a safe distance. Clearly he is under demonic influence, as all drugs are a spirit, pharmekia. Also, don't give him any props as to why he is acting like this. The power of Jesus' name can cast out any demon. The difference between many that are possessed and the demonic at the Gadarenes are their posture of worship. Some people want to be free, but once a demon is cast out, they go looking for a dry place to inhabit, and if a person does not fill themselves with Jesus, the same demon will come back with friends and be kicking it again at your house. Will your child remember this? No doubt. I remember everything from my tot days. We know that you want to give her a better legacy. Make some well-laid plans before you take a step. Questions to ask is how violent is my husband? Do I need an order of peace, or protection, or restraint? Who do I know that God has put in my way to help me and my child? What are my resources. EVen if the answer to the last two questions is zero, please know that you can count on the Lord to have succor for you and to take care of you. Commit your way to Him, and watch Him work it out. I should know - we have a running joke in our area of LA. It is called death by spouse.

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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by Christa on Wed Jul 08, 2009 10:56 am

Thank you everyone for your input, prayers, and caring for me in this situation. My husband and I went to interview at the program yesterday. It's called Teen Challenge, it's a "Christian Life Program." Their next bed is available on the 21st of this month. I told my husband that it was this program or marital separation. It is a one year program where he spends 3 months on a ranch (with cows and everything), earning his own keep. The rest of the 9 months he will be transferred to another facility where it'll be less intense.

For the induction at the ranch (3 months), he is not allowed to bring books or music (other than 5 praise and worship tapes). He must attend all church services on Sundays and has to go to the Bible studies/classes during the week. He can't wear any clothing with secular wording or symbols on it and he has to wear a collared shirt, slacks, and a tie for church. They don't even allow cigarette smoking or cell phones. He gets one 15 minute call a week to immediate family members only.

Basically, this program will teach him how to be a good Christian man and how to function in society (get trained for a job too) if he gives his heart over to the Lord and if he stays in the program. It has an 86% success rate, but it is intense, especially for him. My husband has major learning disabilities and he can read, but he can't write. He almost didn't get accepted into the program because I was filling out the application for him. I knew Jesus was there pressing on for us because the coordinator was trying to convince us of a less intense program..... where he wouldn't live onsite..... due to all of the homework assignments requiring him to write a lot while at the ranch. My heart sunk because I know my husband won't drive his butt an hour a day to go to teen challenge meetings on his own. I asked the coordinator if we should just leave then or if my husband can fill out the application from here and still have our interview. He said to continue filling out the app and he would be back in a minute. He then called us in and Todd is now on the waiting list for a bed, THANK YOU JESUS!

I don't know if my husband will stay in or even go in on the 21st, but I know that this program is annointed and I'll have a lot of people praying for him. He's willing to go because he knows it's our last chance. If he leaves the program, they will notify me and I'll file for separation immediately. My husband wants to do this for his family, so I'm praying for a new man to come out of this.

In the meantime though, my daughter and I aren't living with him, but I just hope and pray that things turn out right and turn around. Thank you again for your continued prayers on this. I will keep you all updated, hopefully with good, miraculous news.

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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by gale4912 on Wed Jul 08, 2009 5:44 pm

Christa, my heart goes out to you and I have just prayed for your situation. I, too, lived in an abusive marriage, but only for 2 years; I still have the physical scars from one attack, but God has helped me forgive my ex-husband for all he did to me. I can pray freely for him. Fortunately we had no children together. I agree with another post that exposing your child to these awful images is akin to abuse of her little mind. She cannot make sense of these things, and it's confusing and frightening. God hates divorce but He doesn't call his children to abuse, either. I pray for continued courage and wisdom for you. Teen Challenge has a great reputation; hope it helps.

I also had to examine what it was about ME that drew me into a marriage with a man who had tendencies toward abuse. It may help you to get some counseling for yourself along these lines as well.

God can do miracles. Dont' get in his way by enabling the bad behavior of your husband.

HOpe this isn't too straightforward for you. IT' breaks my heart to think of a child going through this with you; and YOU are God's child. I'm sure His heart is hurting, too.

God bless!

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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by Christa on Wed Jul 08, 2009 8:56 pm

Well, straightforward is what I need...so, no worries there. Actually, recently, a prophetess cast a spirit of fear and a spirit of abuse out of me. That just completely boggled my brain for a while, but it made sense after. Those spirits squeezed me really hard as they left too. It felt like my ribs were getting crushed and I was gagging and gasping for air. Nothing like that had ever happened to me before. I'm glad they're gone though and I surely don't want them back.

My dad is verbally abusive to me too and I live with him and my mom right now to get away from my husband. I seriously want to run for the hills, but I can't afford it. I can't seem to get at a safe distance from these people.

If I could afford counseling, I'd get it in a heartbeat, no joke. I'm of the opinion that everyone needs counseling at some point in their lives. Thank you for your prayers. I really need them...I need my joy back.

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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by newleaf on Wed Jul 08, 2009 9:14 pm

Dear Christa,
I pray God leads you into a happy life with your child.
I know HE will!

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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by lola21st on Wed Jul 08, 2009 10:15 pm

Christa -

Know that God is able to do all that you need Him to do and more...He will not forsake you, lean into Him during this time and He will restore everything that was lost.

One thing that I can recommend that worked for me when I was where you are is to praise your way through. Cry out to the Lord (literally) and cast your cares onto Him. If you're weary, talk to Him about it. If you're angry, let Him know. Put on your praise and worship music (even when you don't feel like it) and praise Him for what He's doing and what you're believing Him for to do in your life....the music will heal and bless you so that you can keep moving forward in His will one day (or hour) at a time...

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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by Dove-Solutions on Thu Jul 09, 2009 4:07 am

Christa,

This is just a thought but you can check out safe houses for woman leaving abusive relationships. The reason I suggest this is because leaving one abusive relationship and going to another (Dad) is not the best choice if you know what I mean. It is trading one situation for another. You need peace and quiet and to be free from the enemy. You need a safe environment. I cannot tell you how much my heart cries for your situation. The Lord had me totally walk away from my family and all I knew so that I could get the healing in my life I needed. If the Lord calls you to do that......do not hesitate just do it. I will keep you in prayer.

Love in Jesus,

Connie


~Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Himand He will direct your path.~ Proverbs 3:5-6

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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by usemeLord on Thu Jul 09, 2009 5:59 am

I pray for your and your childs safety. God is able to do all that we think or ask. I pray that you would get into a home that is safe at all times from any verbal abuse. I pray for Christa's finances to allow her to have this place Father a place of praise and worship in Jesus Name I ask

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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by Heleadsme on Thu Jul 09, 2009 8:26 am

Hello Christa,
Boy can I relate to you. About 18 years ago I gave my husband an ultimative similar to yours. My husband had a drinking problem which affected his work ethics and a whole lot of other areas in his and our life! By the time the Lord fully woke me up to it all, we had three children, the youngest was but a baby. The situations became so acute that I really had no choice, as you now have no choice, other then to step in and give them the decision to make. My husband and I saw a counselor first and was this ever a God sent man and divine appointment! The man had been through it himself and wasn't taking any bull...he backed me and encouraged me to be firm...it was in house treatment or I was going for a divorce. My husband about bolted he admitted later, but instead made the right decision and went in. I got help too, and ended up there after he got out. Such good things can follow Christa...I was baptised in the Holy Spirit there in the treatment center...and I tell you what, our lives have changed from black to white! We have both dramatically changed and are still in process...God is with you dear one...you are on the right track...I know it is hard for you and you feel so alone, but God is with you...you must love your husband or you wouldn't still be there helping him like this...the Lord will bless you for helping your husband...He has me...
Father I do thank you for revealing these things to Christa and even giving her the way out...I thank you that you will remain with her both now and all the days of her life...help her husband Father...get him out of denial and help him to face the facts...bring healing in his life Lord God and love on him...help Christa now as she faces decisions for her own counseling and care...bring the ones you want to speak into her life Lord...give them words of wisdom and of life for her...that she may heal and grow beyond all the pain...Father, again, I thank you for revealing all of this to her and Lord that you helped her in making that first step...Bless this little family and Lord bless and protect their little one that there be no repercussions come back on this child...but that instead this childs' life will be more fulfilled and blessed due to the experiences and love shown...in Jesus name I pray amen!

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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by Christa on Thu Jul 09, 2009 11:17 am

Thanks all of you. I am so blessed to have had so much anointed advice. Thank you so much. Please continue to pray for me in the next two weeks that we will get the call that they're ready to take my husband into the program. Please pray that I will be strong and stick to my guns in making him go or else. Please also pray that he willingly goes in and stays in for the entire year. Now that I'm recognizing that being around my father isn't the best alternative, I might ask my brother if I can go live with him and his family. Thank you so much for your prayers and solid advice. God bless you all.

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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by HisLightbeam on Thu Jul 09, 2009 8:12 pm

God bless you, Christa. God still works miracles. No man knows His thoughts, but we know that His heart is for us, and to do us good. I pray that this is the u-turn that your husband needs to get back to you as that man of God you deserve.

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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by Christa on Fri Jul 10, 2009 7:35 am

Amen to that!

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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by Christa on Thu Jul 23, 2009 9:22 pm

YOU GUYS.....MY HUSBAND WENT INTO THE PROGRAM!!!!!!!!!!! I was completely at my witt's end. God even threw a blessing for me on top of my husband going in! I quit my job last Friday in order to deal with my husband. I had 10 dollars to my name and only a quarter of a tank of gas after I helped him enter the program. Two days ago I got a call from my old boss to come meet with him. I met with him today and he offered me DOUBLE what I was making before. DOUBLE you guys! On top of that, he gave me a $500- advance on my paycheck! I asked God for double what I made + a $1,000- advancement.......God is so good isn't He!! Come to find out, my boss made the check out to the wrong person, so he's going to have to write me another one tomorrow, maybe he'll make that one out for $1,000!!!!!!!!! God loves me, look what He did for me you guys! I didn't even have to negociate! My boss just offered me double my old salary!!!!! God is so good! Praise God for His goodness and mercy!

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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by dreamster on Thu Jul 23, 2009 10:15 pm

:crazy: :crazy: :crazy: dang thats mental.. praiseGod praiseGod praiseGod flower flower good 4 u..D


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Re: My marriage is falling apart

Post by Christa on Thu Jul 23, 2009 10:21 pm

Yes....ha....mental is a good word for that. :)

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