Pray.......

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Re: Pray.......

Post by ThisIsSparta on Thu May 07, 2009 3:20 pm

what is the point of me looking for a job now if my dad is just going to stop me ever so often to help him with some deadbeat fruitless chore?


i've been doing this for YEARS...since i was little.


just having MY day declared FOR ME by my dad.


how would you feel?

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Re: Pray.......

Post by ThisIsSparta on Thu May 07, 2009 6:00 pm

he's missin in action in the 'Encouragement' department.


he NEVER misses an oppurtunity to scrutinize me...i feel like he's going to physically devour me...he just always has a look of disgust and/or anger on his face whenever he talks to me.


it's ironic...how will i EVER be competent with all his abuse and he's lavished upon me since i was a child?


Last edited by ThisIsSparta on Fri May 08, 2009 5:13 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Pray.......

Post by RnestseekR on Fri May 08, 2009 1:40 pm

Sparta: I am a child of an abusive father also. I KNOW the criticism, the blaming, the unattainable expectations without help/guidance/encouragement. I have a couple of thoughts and ideas to keep you going right now.
1.) For your own reflection, not to be posted here on the forum: Are you struggling with "Why God did you put me in this position, this family, under his rule. You could do something to get me out so why don't you???" If so, play around with the idea of WHY God might be leaving you in this situation. Ask God to give you his perspective on the situation, recognizing, of course, that he might choose not to. What if someday - maybe even 30 years from now - you were able to help 1 person in a significant, lifechqanging way because of your experience with your father.
2.) Again, for your own personal insight, how is your relationship with your father affecting your views of God. Do you trust God less because you cannot trust your dad? Do you rely on your self because you have learned from your father-son relationship that you can't count on a father, even if it's your Heavenly One.
3.) I hear a plea in your postings of helplessness. Is that accurate or not? Where is that coming from? Is that truth or just perception.
4.) What was the last thing God told you to do and did you do it?
5.) I am sure someone else has given this biblical reference before, but I'll give it again: Ephesians 6:1-2. And I know your first objection to that is that you cannot honor a man who is abusive. I know you'll say that 'cause I said it too. In NO WAY am I saying that your fathers actions are right. But you want to know why you are stuck in this situation. Ephesians 6:1-2 is both your answer for why you are stuck and your way out.
God has placed a light in you Sparta. You are tenacious. You, specifically, as the person you present yourself on this forum, are tenacious. You don't quit. You don't shy away from the hard answers. And , I think because you whole-heartedly believe that God can do anything, it's harder for you when He doesn't do something big to deliver you. That kind of faith is what is going to get you through this time. You want a prophetic gifting, a small miracle, a vision, you've asked God for the "best gifts". He IS giving you the best gift, and it isn't flashy, charismatic or prophetic, but it is profound: faith. Hebrews says it takes FAITH to please God.
Now, back to living with a life-draining monster abuse-cycle - and that's exactly what it is. Let's play the "what-if" game one more time: what if, when you get to heaven, you get to look up your dad. What if he were heaven, and the reason for that was because you were obedient to this HUGE assignment God has given you of showing your dad honor and love, even when he didn't deserve it. I have this mental image of your dad throwing his arms around you and saying "THANK YOU" for being the physical example of what Christ does for each and every one of us. What if you are THE ONLY ONE who chose to show your dad mercy or grace or love.
Sparta: Please, put down the defenses and just hear me cause I've been there. I've been where you are. As a mother now, I understand the abuse even less! But that look of disgust and/or anger on his face that you reference isn't because of you. That's a lie that Satan is using to shut you down! That look is a self-reflection. A wishing that HE'D done something different with HIS life when HE was your age. "I feel bad about me so I'm going to take it out on you." It makes no sense, it's sick, but that's what abuse is about - mental sickness, mental malperception.
Listen, you CAN make a difference. Perhaps the last God told you and is waiting for you to do is to see your own home as a mission field. If you can't conquer this mission field, then you aren't ready to go anywhere else in the world (I see all work places, homes, churches etc. as mission fields). And it will haunt you and cause doubt when you do move on. God doesn't want that for you Sparta. He wants you to be confident when He sends you out. So, maybe you are hearing God right - maybe he IS being silent. MAYBE in His goodness, He's making you wait so there will be no stumbling blocks for hereafter.
He wouldn't have put you in this family at this time if He didn't think that it would be so damaging to you that you would move beyond his reach. Yes it hurts. Yes, it's hard. No, it isn't fair. Too bad, that's not what the chrisitan life is about.
One final question for you, again, for your reflection, do NOT post it on the forum: Whose authority do you submit to? Jesus? A pastor? A spiritual mentor? A small group? If you cannot respect your father's authority right now, (and that's a process, I know), where you can learn about authority? Look for places? Pray for God to lead you to places where you can learn about authority. Authority the way Jesus meant it to be.
One final challenge: If you aren't working and you aren't going to school and you don't have a passion about anything, is there somewhere where you can do some volunteering and explore what you find interesting? Start somewhere. If it isn't right, IT IS OK TO DO SOMETHING different. That won't feel right to you growing up with the criticism that you. You'll think, "I have to choose only 1 thing and it'd better be the right thing or else I'll hear about." That's a lie. Yes, you might hear about it from your dad, but if that's the only consequence, that's not so bad.
I wish I could paint a rosier picture. I wish i could tell you that moving out solves the problem. It didn't for me. I still am working on my relationship with my Heavenly Father and learning that He is NOT like my earthly father. I was mad at God once I learned about all the miracles He did in the bible. If He could do all that, who in their right mind KNOWING AHEAD OF TIME, would dump someone in the abuse I was in??? But I have something that many others on the earth don't have - a light, a love, a hope in Jesus Christ. There have been MANY days that that's ALL that got me through. NOW, I see it that there are so many who stuck in all kinds of REALLY BAD situations without the hope of Christ. I have a deeper need to reach out to them because I've been there. I take my message on a 1:1 basis to those who need to hear it. What about you? Is there anyone around you RIGHT now who is living in a hopeless situation? Just some thoughts to chew on. Do with them what you will.

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Re: Pray.......

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