Addictions

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Addictions

Post by seekingface09 on Wed Apr 01, 2009 11:45 am

I have questions for discussion. What do you think about spouses addiction to pornography? do you think it is a form of adultery? Do you think it leads to adultery? What does God say about this? Should marriages end because of these addictions? How does it affect the other spouse? How long should a person put up with it?

What if your spouse has adultereous activities? Should you divorce? How much is too much? You don't have to answer all. Answer what you like. Open for discussion.

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Re: Addictions

Post by ThisIsSparta on Wed Apr 01, 2009 11:48 am

i've read about SO MANY marriages that ended because of one the spouse's addiction to pornography.


Sexual Immorality by its nature ONLY destroys Marriage.


pornography alot of the times ends up transferring over into other things.


a Marriage cannot stand when someone is unfaithful, that's the natural course of things.


common sense really.

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Re: Addictions

Post by seekingface09 on Wed Apr 01, 2009 12:04 pm

I agree. Do you believe that God would frown on divorce for those grounds? Just curious. I know he hates divorce.

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Re: Addictions

Post by Vile on Wed Apr 01, 2009 8:40 pm

I don't believe that should be the only grounds for divorce at all. Though if I caught my husband doing porn it would be more along the lines of "Heeey... honey? I'm over here!"

Now, stopping his thought patterns before he gets led into adultery is important. Sit down and try to make your intimate life more interesting for your husband so he doesn't have to dive into that stuff. I wouldn't say slap on the divorce papers yet unless he's gone as far as committing full adultery. If it's something that can be fixed, then fix it. Adultery, once it's done, can't be fixed because a third party is involved.

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Re: Addictions

Post by dreamster on Thu Apr 02, 2009 4:55 pm

there are usualy core problems below the surface,,i think porn addktn is symtomatik of a deeper issue../s..u gottask why is he doin this,,,an unforfilled need??,,other things aswell..was it an issue b4 u married??or is it a recent development...i undastand that porn is a standard problem in the church,,if everyone divorced cos of porn there wood no marriages left considering there is a 50 % divorce rate already...i woodnt do anything hasty...u get me...just talk 2 ur man...


a merry heart, does good likea medicene, [ new international dee version,NIDV]

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Re: Addictions

Post by Jadams on Thu Apr 02, 2009 8:49 pm

My question is whether or not the spouse DESIRES or is TRYING to be helped? I think that is a very important part of this. If one spouse is wanting to keep the marriage, but the other spouse that has the porn issue isn't wanting to change, the situation changes.

I personally thing that porn is a form of adultry because at this point another entity has entered the marriage and has taken the focus away from the covenant that was made to the spouse. How long one puts up with the situation is up to the person because like I said, if the person with the problem with the porn isn't working towards "delieverance" then the situation is MUCH different.

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Re: Addictions

Post by ThisIsSparta on Thu Apr 02, 2009 8:56 pm

i hope you have more understanding now iamfree.

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Re: Addictions

Post by Dove-Solutions on Fri Apr 03, 2009 9:44 am

One thing that is critically important in the event of adultry is breaking all soul ties. I have a prayer for that if anyone needs it.

Love in Jesus,

Connie


~Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Himand He will direct your path.~ Proverbs 3:5-6

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Re: Addictions

Post by Virtuous on Fri Apr 03, 2009 9:56 am

What do you think about spouses addiction to pornography?
It is nothing more than the spirit of lust.
do you think it is a form of adultery?
Yes. Matthew 5:28 "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."
Do you think it leads to adultery?
Yes. If we entertain these thoughts, eventually we will act on them.
What does God say about this?
1 John 2:16 "For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesth, and the lust of the EYES, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but it is of the world."
How does it affect the other spouse?
I would think it would have a deep effect on the spouse. If I were married, I would feel I wasn't woman enough for my husband. I would feel I wasn't able to be satisfy his sexual needs which in most cases causes a spouse to go outside of the marriage. I think I would be scared. I would want to know why he desires to see another woman naked and I'm right there. Sooooooo many questions would run through my mind.

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Re: Addictions

Post by Jadams on Fri Apr 03, 2009 2:46 pm

I would be interested in that prayer Connie...my ex husband committed adultry against me and left me for another woman and I have a son and I don't want him to be the same way. All of the men in my ex's family left their wives for other women. You could PM me the prayer if you like.

Virtuous...your response was GREAT and to the point...

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Re: Addictions

Post by dreamster on Fri Apr 03, 2009 4:46 pm

hmmm that sounds like a genrational issue jmmy.. bandaid


a merry heart, does good likea medicene, [ new international dee version,NIDV]

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Re: Addictions

Post by seekingface09 on Sat Apr 04, 2009 5:16 pm

I agree all of the things you have said are true. Virtuous, thank you for all of the scripture background. I do believe that is generational. If you have children, you do not want this curse to follow your children. You have to put an end. Yes, it is important that the person has to want to come out of this bondage. It is a deeper issue, but once you fall into that hole, it is hard to come out especially if you constantly dwell there. Only God can free you. I am sure that many of us before we got save and turned our lives over to Christ we participated in things that were not acceptable, so even as a Christian now, one can still be tempted, but we have to bring our mind under subjection to the word of God...wow... Pray for marriages, pray for singles...

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Re: Addictions

Post by Jodi on Mon Apr 06, 2009 7:36 pm

Iamfree,
My husband was into movies with nudity in them & porn magazines. It made me feel like I was being cheated on and I considered divorce. We'd just had a baby, so divorce would have meant custody battles and separation from our son and I couldn't take that. I briefly considered suicide-but I knew it was a sin, didn't want to do that to our son, and I really wanted to raise him. (I don't think my husband knows I even thought about suicide.) I talked with him about it and he promised not to look at that stuff anymore. He lived up to his promise for awhile, but he eventually broke it. This was a pattten that we repeated over the years. I quit trusting his promises. Eventually it sunk in that I was not trying to control him, but that I was genuinely hurt by his actions. He did finally stop. I do still love him and he does love me, but this was a very difficult problem to overcome. It doesn't have to take this long to be overcome though. It could happen faster for you than it did for me.

It does not mean that you are not woman enough. It does not mean that your sex life is not good enough. It means that your husband has an addiction to his own sexual pleasure even at the expense of making you feel horrible. He does not see it this way though. Satan lies to men telling them it's "only natural" and he's "just a man so he can't help it." While it is natural for a man to be attracted to women, it is also natural to channel that attraction all towards his wife, forsaking all others. He's a man and he can too control his mind (take every thought captive) and he can control his actions. Satan might try to convince your husband that you are being unreasonable to expect him to give this up - since it's "only natural" and he "can't help it." The enemy might also try to convince your husband that you are trying to "control" him.

Lord, I pray that You will reveal to her husband how his actions are making his wife feel and that You will also reveal any lies the enemy is using to confuse him. I pray that You reveal to iamfree any lies that the enemy is trying to sow into her about doubting herself sexually and about her looks. Replace the enemy's lies with Your truth. I ask that You free him from any spirits of addiction and lust and replace these with a healthy desire to focus his sexual attention on his wife only. I pray for trust to be re-built, for forgiveness, and for healing to begin. Lord, since marriage is a vow, it involves You as a part of this marriage. So, please bring Your healing and restoration into this marriage. Bring conviction, repentance, forgiveness, restoration of trust, and healing. I ask for this blessing in Jesus' holy name, Amen.
- Jodi

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Re: Addictions

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