Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

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Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by Vile on Thu Mar 05, 2009 6:09 pm

Now, I've been blessed to say that I've been getting better at keeping my creative mind from going to the darkside, but as a woman, there are some times when my hormones seem to override my spiritual desire.

What is the fine line between being a human and having problems keeping thoughts pure?

Yes, I do admit to still have a problem with masturbation, but I have made significant progress (as I had done it almost every night from about 13 to my mid twenties). This is one of those thorns that I know will not leave me as I know that I will one day have a husband who will need physical intimacy, but how do I pray for God's grace to keep my heart captive and the mind of Christ?

Keep in mind, I am a virgin still, though I was taught in Catholic School that "Abstainance is Best, but if you can't wait, use a condom". I was messing around doing a lot of things EXCEPT sex until someone actually pointed the biblical backing for that being wrong and I've been trying to fix it since.

I'll be honest. God made sex and once I get married, my husband is going to be well taken care of. Of course that will never be the only reason to get married, but I want to make it loud and clear that I think a healthy sexual relationship is something God intended to have in marriage. I just have been having (in my desire to find someone to get intimate with) my own thoughts ponder on what it would be like if certain single friends of mine ever decided to marry me. Of course, not all of that is sex, but it's hard not to steer that way.

Sometimes I'm sleeping in the middle of a dream, and I find out my body automaticly went into masturbation mode when I wake up.

I don't feel condemned, it's more along the lines of... "Not again... this is annoying...". I know it's something I shouldn't do, but being a creature of habit for that long time is making it a nightly struggle.

How do I take care of something like this?

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by daisyscheihing on Fri Mar 06, 2009 5:42 am

I think many of your emotions and feelings are normal. Maybe you have taken them to the extreme side ..at times. And they may make you feel out of control at times. You list this as a lust problem.

If you are battling this to gain victory in mine and spirit. Could there be some thing deeper that needs to be prayed about. Pray and ask the Lord to reveal any thing .That you need to be aware of.

If nothing is brought to mine ..great

Marriage is a good thing with the right person.

After a while you may find out. sex isnít ever thing its cracked up to be. I realize ever women feels .What she feels and may not agree. The television and moves portray sex as some wild screaming experience? Itís the only thing in life. Itís the only thing in marriage. So they would have one believe.

Do you indulge in movies or think upon things .You know you should not.

There are many experiences in a marriage. That make it whole and lasting and gives meaning to ones life.Your life as a whole is more than a sex experiance

I guess I am saying .Sex is a lovely thing in its right place in ones life.

Pray and ask the Lord how to go forward. To help you control your constant thoughts of sexÖIf this is the case.

To bring some one into your life as a Christian companion.

Sunshine

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by Desiree (Starpop) on Fri Mar 06, 2009 8:58 am

That's normal. You just have to "cast down those thoughts" that you know are thoughts of "lust". You may need to fast some (this will help you have more self-control). I wouldn't beat myself up about it because no matter "how saved" a man/woman is--he/she will still fall short at some point or another. Just be patient and make every thought "obediant to Christ". Don't watch movies or listen to music that could cause you to lust and in turn do self-pleasure.

Temptation is not the sin, but its giving into it that is. Just keep focused and know that if you fall you can ask for forgiveness but continue to do better each time. Stand on God's word. Whenever a thought comes into your mind to "you know what"--get up and do something productive (walk, pray to God, read a good book, etc--just anything to get off that certain focus). This faith walk is a process so don't expect to see a drastic improvement overnight--but day by day, little by little you will overcome this thing (if that's what you really want of course)!

God is able to deliver you. He wants you to have that great intimacy with your husband, just do your part by giving it to him and "staying pure and holy" before him. Many people think this topic is taboo but many (even in the church) deal with this problem--so dont feel embarrassed or alone!

smooches and I hope that I've helped
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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by daisyscheihing on Fri Mar 06, 2009 10:30 am

Good advice desiree .

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by Vile on Fri Mar 06, 2009 8:50 pm

I've stepped away from smut fiction, but sometimes when I watch movies and don't know the scene is coming, it's like "DOH!"... When I write my own fiction I try to go to FTB, unless the scene is pivotal to character development (and I still don't do a play by play, but I only used it once in a "mock romance" to punish those who liked to read smut... I left it at a cliffhanger with a broken internet link to the "rest of the story" right before they went at it because I was sick and tired of seeing that stuff... :( )

Other than that, I try not to indulge any further than my own mind. Of course some real-life examples turn me on every now and then to lead to those.

I've went through every night, to a couple times a week... and these days it's only when I'm having... well female problems when my hormones are out of whack... x_x. For some strange reason, if someone asked me to do it for real, I would turn them down. It takes an emotional bond to turn me on. I don't think I could even have sex with a boyfriend... I MIGHT jump the gun on fiancee... not really wanting to, but I'm just being honest about my weakness. Sex = trust and security for me. I want to give the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with the security of knowing that I hadn't been messing around at all.

I really want him to be safe with me and know that I don't play games. Psychologically, it's not the sex, really. It's intimicy in general.

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by Desiree (Starpop) on Fri Mar 06, 2009 11:01 pm

Thanks Sunshine! flower I can say the same for you (you brought up some good points!)

Vile, true intimacy comes from God. Once you know how to "be intimate with him" he will do the rest! I encourage you to spend more time alone with God and read 1 Corinthians 13 as much as you can (because that's what Love/intimacy stems from). Serving others and helping in their needs in the best way to get out of selfishness (ie: thinkng about self in this case).
Be blessed
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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by daisyscheihing on Sat Mar 07, 2009 7:34 am

Vile, I can see by reading your post. You may be spending a lot of energy on some thing. That should never be an issue in a Christian marriage. I am a realist and I know Christian husbands and wives do stray. ..

If you marry a Christian man of like faith.

This should never be an issue.

Sex = trust and security for me What does sex have to do with security?

When men or women in a marrage stray.It hurts deeply and tares at the fabric of a marrage. I don,t belive any person can be completely secure from this happening.

.Regardless of the effort on their part.

I realize you may not see what I am saying as relevant

Believe me you can box your self in and make all the walls in your life solid. And find your world crumbling under your feet. (Life can be just that way)

Your security is not in a man even a Christian man. As a Christian women. Your security is in the lord and his word to you. You should not feel you have to prove your worth and trust worthiness. A Christian man worth his salt. Would see you as trust worthy because of your love for him. And your walk in Christ. You are a godly women.

Pro 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

Pro 31:11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

Pro 31:12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.



Scriptures do say specific things dealing with sex and marrage .

Have you taken time to study the word on these matters? As a christian women center your mine upon the lords word. Put him first in your life .The rest he will work out in his perfect timeing. Mat 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by Vile on Sat Mar 07, 2009 8:01 am

I've read about intimacy with Christ wondering if that was my problem. Thing is... I have a hard time understanding what that means in the spiritual.

The Lord meant for Adam and Eve to be intimate with one another and "know" one another. Jesus doesn't need it like that, otherwise He would have taken a wife. I try to get into the Word, but I just... have a problem keeping focused with it. I ponder on God all the time on a casual relationship. I pray every day and talk to Him, knowing some key scriptures and when I need a scripture for a certain thing I go look for it. Then I remember one of the apostles saying in one of the letters after acts (pardon my bad memory for scripture quoting) that he was more intimate with God than his own wife. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around that one and get from "earth" mindset to "spirit" mindset.

As a human, I understand human intimacy in the physical. I'm still trying to get to that level with Praise and Worship and prayer... Getting to that spiritual level has annoyed the heck out of me in the back of my mind. I guess my mind keeps going back to what I know as a human, but I know there are a couple of scriptures pointing out that I'm not supposed to fully comprehend.

I've cast out demons, I've prayed and things have come to pass, but on this matter I have a glass ceiling. I don't really have friends I can trust with this matter, so I prefer to turn to quazi-strangers whom I can trust as being godly people. I trust my pastor and people there with my life, but... I know all too well the works of the devil in any Church setting. I'm happy I found a place which accepts my artistic and philosophical preferences (because I stick to Bible principles with both) I just realize that having too much information out there with a lot of people who like to talk may lead to some odd things.

Would you beliveve that I "knew" who my husband was three times already? Part of this was a psychotic episode after a crush of mine died the day I said to others that I would ask him out, my father passing away two months before that, and one of the men responcible for getting me born again passing away in his mid-forties two months after that. I even had signs and wonders follow two of them, but also read that the devil is capable of producing signs like that. I realized the first two had aspects to them which I despised and wish would change even though they were godly people, so I knew the first two were duds. The last one, I wouldn't change, but he has a very strong conviction about staying single... and if God told him that, then I'm not pushing to ask him out anymore.

My desire is to have a partner. I know I won't get them until I'm ready for it, and this has been a royal roadblock. I'm slowly getting to understand it, but I need a little more help.

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by daisyscheihing on Sat Mar 07, 2009 8:46 am

I've read about intimacy with Christ wondering if that was my problem. Thing is... I have a hard time understanding what that means in the spiritual.

This is how I would describe my own intimacy with the lord. I did not grow up in a church. When I came to the lord. Most Christian teachings were new to me. It was like going to school for the first time. I started to learn and pray and just be.

As a Christian of many years now. I find as I grew and matured as a person. So did my walk with the lord.

When I take that time to be alone with the lord. To center my thoughts on him. To seek his counsel and his guidance. I find his spirit real and I am blessed. Much as a revival refreshing. When I lift my hands in whole hearted praise. I feel his spirit.If you are not able to find this place for your self. Ask the Lord if there is any thing coming between you .That would hinder your walk with him.

When I read his word and it touches my soul. Itís a intimae time spent with the master.



Women feel the need for a companion, That is a normal desire in your life. More intimate with god

that he was more his own wife.???? I don,t know of such a scripture .

spiritual mine set.. comes from living in reality . But seeking the Lord in all things in your life.

I am trying to under stand where you are coming from.

I am glad you are able to post your harts desires. Think on the things said . I honestly donít think there is a crash coarse in walking with the Lord. Itís a day by day seeking him just as you are doing.

Sunshine Ps,,, Yes I know all about churches.

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by Vile on Sat Mar 07, 2009 8:57 am

More intimate with god

that he was more his own wife.???? I don,t know of such a scripture .




I heard my pastor or someone who came to our Church preaching that one, now I can't find the scripture. It was several years ago. I'm trying to search for it now.

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by daisyscheihing on Sat Mar 07, 2009 9:46 am

I donít believe there is a scripture like that.
Donít know where he was coming from. But if he made a statement like that. It had to be some thing he himself thought .
If you find a scripture like that. please send a post. Sunshine

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by Jadams on Sat Mar 07, 2009 9:55 am

First of all Vile...I would like to tip my hat off to you for being so honest and so open about this issue. This issue is MORE widespread in the church than anyone could ever imagine.

I do agree with the intimacy part because there is something in you that does not feel fulfilled. Only God can do that. I agree with Sunshine that there is no formula to getting intimate with the Lord because everyone's intimacy is different....it depends on the individual. I believe that when you spend time daily in his Word and in prayer, entrusting those things that you don't undertand into his care, pray in the spirit (if you do that), then one day you will wake up and realize that the areas that you struggle in will no longer be there. How do I know this? I had the same problem as you. I didn't do it as much as you did, but I knew that me doing it was because my husband left me and we had a very FRUITFUL sex life. To go from that to absolutely nothing blew my mind. I was mad at God for "allowing" him to leave me the way He did so I didn't care what I did. I watched the "smut" because I didn't care. When I finally came to myself and rose out of the mud and realized that I can't make it without the Lord, I took EVERYTHING to Him and he began to minister to my soul. He NEVER said anything about the masturbation...He ministered to me in the areas where I was empty.

I can't tell you when or how it happened, but my desires changed and just thinking about manually taking my body to that level made me sick. Thinking about watching "smut" on tv (which was quite costly and totally out of my budget) no longer made sense and seemed so stupid. Now, do I still miss sex? YES!! The difference now is that I run to my Father's arms and I tell him all about it and the feeling goes away because HIS strength becomes perfect in my weakness.

It's hard for me to cast down imaginations the way some of these ministers tell us to do it by speaking to it and casting it down so when my mind wants to go there from time to time, I turn on praise and worship music or turn on a CD of a message that I purchased from my Pastor or my favorite minister from tv or somerthing. You have to learn how to replace the thoughts because our actions begin in our thoughts.

I hope this makes sense to you. I want to help you and I'm glad that I went through this so I could openly share with you how I received my deliverance. The most beautiful lesson that I learned out that season of my life that God NEVER shunned me or turned me away because I was doing it...He was trying to draw me even the more because of me doing it because He wanted me whole and he knew that it was the voids and emptiness I had in my soul that was causing me to do this.

I'm praying for you my sister in Christ...

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by Vile on Sat Mar 07, 2009 9:57 am

He might have meant "closer to God" than his own wife, since the word "know" is also used for intimacy, but there are different levels of intimacy. I'd have to talk to Pastor to see if he remembers that, but I think it was someone from the outside preaching that one. I know it was somewhere in the Letters...

Actually, when you said "tell me all about it" that was something the Holy Spirit asked of me recently after it happened again. I got bratty about it, but not at him, but just saying what I wanted and what I wanted now. I haven't been feeling condemned, but I have felt God trying to draw me closer.

I just wish I knew where the hole was. That would make things so much easier.

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by Jadams on Sat Mar 07, 2009 10:03 am

Vile, you don't have to know where the holes are. SOmetimes they are deep rooted and you will never begin to figure those out. Mine wasn't just my ex leaving me...I'm sure. Just turn your heart and soul over into His care and let HIM handle the rest.

I don't know all that God did to deliever me and unless He tells me, then I really don't care because being on the other side of that thing is the most beautiful feeling and I want you to experience that.

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by LovetoworshipJesus on Sat Mar 07, 2009 10:18 am

Vile I want to encourage that wait on Lord and he will see you through. I had the same problem and NOw I have agreat intimate relationship with the Lord. It takes patience and your heart felt prayers to break strong holds and and thing the distract you from the Lord. So I pray GOd s will be onde in your life. GOd BLess you

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by Vile on Sat Mar 07, 2009 11:02 am

Patience is another thing I need to work on. *LOL*

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by daisyscheihing on Sat Mar 07, 2009 12:53 pm

I think your pastor or visitor did say what you wrote.

Perhaps in his mindset of thinking. He really thought it just that way.

I am glad others are also sharing. It truly helps to know others share the same struggles. In a deferent way perhaps. But still a deep struggle to over come .

Donít feel along in your struggle.

If they can make it to victory, so can you. When you feel discouraged remember others also have been there. And won the battle.

Sunshine


Last edited by sunshine on Sat Mar 07, 2009 12:54 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : aa)

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by Vile on Sat Mar 07, 2009 7:35 pm

I know others had similar problems, but I've also known people to take dillemmas out of context and use it against me (which is how I somewhat got kicked out of my second ministry because some Jezebel decided to use things I confided to her for her own agenda and spread rumors that I was a dangerous psycho in need of incarceration).

Here, I know that people don't well me enough to use stuff against me, thus I can speak freely.

I have a gift for honesty, almost to a fault. Sometimes I don't understand why people are so amazed that I have such "guts"... I simply don't know better other than personal falls in trusting the wrong person.

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by Desiree (Starpop) on Sat Mar 07, 2009 7:38 pm

It's hard for me to cast down imaginations the way some of these ministers tell us to do it by speaking to it and casting it down so when my mind wants to go there from time to time, I turn on praise and worship music or turn on a CD of a message that I purchased from my Pastor or my favorite minister from tv or somerthing. You have to learn how to replace the thoughts because our actions begin in our thoughts.

...good point jadams. You have to do what works for you until you overcome that issue! Actions DO follow thoughts. "As a man thinketh, so is he".

I love it!!! flower

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by Jadams on Sun Mar 08, 2009 7:11 am

Yes Desiree...that's the scripture that I was trying to think of in Proverbs, but it wouldn't come to my mind. I quote it all the time...

Vile, I hope the discussion of this issue is helping you...I can't tell if it is or not.

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by Vile on Sun Mar 08, 2009 2:31 pm

It's definately giving me new ideas, but one of my problems is that it hits me when I'm tired and ready for bed. I have been able to think about the novel I'm writing every now and then, but getting the battle of the minds to work is tough.

Getting back up and doing something productive when I'm going that route might help... maybe getting better exercise so I can get to sleep quicker would be a good one.

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by Desiree (Starpop) on Sun Mar 08, 2009 3:19 pm

Its been said that "just like it takes a long time to develop a habit, it will take the same amount of time/effort to break it." The subject that we're talking about here is a habit and you have to take necessary steps to "get out of the habit". You have to Retrain your mind/way of thinking. It may not be easy but making the effort and perservering will lead to success. Try "killing" this habit within the next 30 days (which has also been said is the amount of time needed to "break/develop" a habit). Come back with your progress report and before you know it--you will be free from this!!

Peace and Blessings
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p.s. read your personal message-thanks!

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by Vile on Sun Mar 08, 2009 6:32 pm

I'm hitting the Latin Dancing DVD as we speak... :) I need to lose pounds too.

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by Jadams on Mon Mar 09, 2009 10:36 am

Oh DEFINATELY...bed time is the worst. I think that your devotion time needs to be before you go to bed. If that's when the "feeling" comes over you, then you need to "beat it to the punch" so to speak.

I used to have a hard time on Friday and Saturday nights. As soon as I got off of work on Friday's it was like I turned into a different person. I started going to the movies or going out with friends, but when I came back home, it was torture. So instead of supressing it by replacing it with other things, I would have my devotional time with God when I got home from work on Friday's and I would just be honest and real about my wants and needs. There were times when I would feel so much better after prayer, but in the middle of the night I would slip, but it was a process for me and one day...it was over.

There was one thing that God spoke to me when I was doing the movies and going out with friends. He said "without me, you can't be free from this". What he was saying was, I was trying to take my mind off of that issue by replacing it with activities and not Him. When I started putting Him in place, then my deliverence came. I hope this helps you a little more.

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

Post by Vile on Tue Mar 10, 2009 7:51 am

Gaaaah... after fighting for four hours last night, I gave in again... :P

I need to get better pillows so I can just go to sleep faster. I'm going to the Chiro, so my neck and spine are shifting. The sooner I get to sleep, the less likely I am to do it. I was even doing scripture, but once I found that pillow combination that worked to get to sleep... Doh!

I got to bed at 10, didn't get to sleep until 2...

I got this one guy I know I would never date that I have been honestly worried about because he wasn't saved and lately the devil is just turning my care about him against me. I rebuke it in the name of Jesus!

Once I forget to focus on God, it's over. I just have to keep reminding myself somehow.

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Re: Lust Problems (Adult Topic)

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