Can't give up bad relationship.

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Can't give up bad relationship.

Post by Christa on Thu May 02, 2013 6:33 pm

I have a boyfriend that is a narcissist. I've had the worst dreams about him trying to hurt me or leave me to die. Every time I tell him I want to break up, he begs me not to stop seeing him. When he met me, he lied and said he was a Christian and all sorts of good things. He's a poser and incapable of love, but we've done 'stuff' because I was weak and he's convincing. Now he keeps sucking me back into his web of lies, promising me love and all that, but all that occurs is us fooling around for a half an hour every 2-3 weeks. This guy is poison, but I have a hard time with narcissists because I'm really good at problem solving, and they have huge issues. They never want to break up with me because they get used to me being their doormat. I wish I could get mad enough to tell this guy to go fly a kite...but everything I've tried hasn't been working. God has really been good at sabotaging us getting together recently, but I need this ungodly soul tie severed for good, or made holy asap. However, I don't see us ever having a future or a holy relationship as long as he's a narcissist. I really need prayer.

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Re: Can't give up bad relationship.

Post by gracee (lionhgirl) on Fri May 03, 2013 1:13 am

Praying with you Christa

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Re: Can't give up bad relationship.

Post by Deborah on Sun May 05, 2013 3:59 pm

Hi Christa I pmed you with the name of a resource I think you will find helpful:)

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Re: Can't give up bad relationship.

Post by Cholette on Sun May 05, 2013 11:25 pm

Christa...think of your daughter. What you are doing is creating a pattern for her on what type of man to choose in her life. Yes, you need deliverance from this soul tie, but there are some natural decisions you need to make for HER sake. She will repeat what you are doing if you don't make some tough decisions.


I would admonish that you stay far away from relationships until you are healed. You are attracting the wrong type of man and its because of the wounds and issues inside of you.


I don't mean to be hard on you, but I believe you hear my heart and you know I have your best interest. You've gone through a lot in the other relationship and sadly if you don't get a handle on this, you will end up in the same type situation or worse...and the only thing you need to do is make a decision. God's grace is there to give you strength to do what you can't do within yourself. Pray and tap into it.

Praying for you...


Do not fight FOR victory, but fight FROM THE PLACE of victory. Jesus has ALREADY won the battle!

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Re: Can't give up bad relationship.

Post by Christa on Tue May 07, 2013 9:47 am

Thank you Deborah and Cholette. Yeah, I'm totally seeing the pattern....but in hindsight!!!! I need to be able to spot a narcissist from a mile away. I ended up bugging him the other day (calling him multiple times, texting him at the same time) to push him to the point of breaking up with me. It worked, and he broke up with me, but he's already tried once to suck me back in. Thank God I had the strength to ignore and delete his text, but if he tries again and again, and if I get increasingly lonely...I just don't trust myself. Yes, I need some deliverance from the ungodly soul-tie issues.... and healing. This guy drained the life out of me.

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Re: Can't give up bad relationship.

Post by Cholette on Tue May 07, 2013 4:02 pm

I'm curious on his narcissitic behaviors. You dont' have to be specific...but can you give me an example of how he is a narcissist?


Do not fight FOR victory, but fight FROM THE PLACE of victory. Jesus has ALREADY won the battle!

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Re: Can't give up bad relationship.

Post by Deborah on Tue May 07, 2013 8:30 pm

Christa, do you suffer with headaches?

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Re: Can't give up bad relationship.

Post by SisterinChrist on Wed May 08, 2013 10:05 am

hey christa... im truly very sorry for what u r going through, i understand its tough.

I completely agree w/what cholete said... just wanted to add to that,, in my life, what i realized is that when i had too much time in my hands my thoughts & actions would push me to wrong things, the devil would send distractions... b/c of 'loneliness'

Can u try & fill your time with lots of things... get busy w/church maybe,,find Godly friends? or start an activity that fills out ur time, so u dnt hve time to think about this person... start praying for deliverance...once u start to see the other side, you will realize its not worth it

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Re: Can't give up bad relationship.

Post by Christa on Thu May 09, 2013 9:20 am

Cholette, you don't believe me? Narcissists are ego-centric. Everything is revolved around what I could do for him, and if I refused to do it, he would verbally abuse me....it would be my fault. He never once took me on a date. I even invited him out and offered to buy him dinner, he wouldn't go because he didn't have the time. I would say, "You never have time" and he would always laugh, in a mocking sort of way, like he would take pleasure in my pain of not being able to see him. I told him I needed to spend time with him at least two days a week (because he would go a couple of weeks without seeing me or even talking to me), or else I was going to break it off with him. He promised he could do a couple of days a week, but didn't follow through. Actually, after that promise, I didn't see him for 3 weeks. When we'd hang out, it would be about his pleasure, not mine....ever. He's the opposite of empathetic....would only ask me how I was doing as a lead into questioning me as to when we'd "get together" again. He would beg me to send nude pictures to him, and when I wouldn't he would abuse me and say, "Well, you don't know how to take care of your man then." It was my fault I had values.

Deborah, no, I don't suffer with headaches... neck aches daily though.

Sister, thank you for that....I feel like you understand what I'm going through.

I know people's intentions with tough love are good, I've just come to take it as disrespect because I'm nearly 40 years old and I can choose to do what I wish. I don't intentionally date narcissists, but I attract them...once I'm in the relationship and all of the glory wears off, they start to act like themselves...doing less for me and then using lies, manipulation, or whatever to keep me around, because I take care of them well and make their lives better. For my daughter's and my sake, I'm completely withdrawing from dating until I'm emotionally healthy again. I'm also going on a hunt to find out how to immediately know whether a person is a narcissist or not. I don't want to be anywhere near any narcissists, whether male or female. It all boils down to being able to discern what is God and what is witchcraft, I suppose.

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Re: Can't give up bad relationship.

Post by Cholette on Thu May 09, 2013 10:36 am

Ohhh Christa...you misunderstood the reason why I asked about being a narcissist. My reasons were because I don't know any and I was CURIOUS to find out how they act.

Sorry you were offended and felt disrespected. I do understand what you are going through, not because I've been through it but because I know you've been through a lot of stuff in relationships. I will back out of the conversation...

God bless...


Do not fight FOR victory, but fight FROM THE PLACE of victory. Jesus has ALREADY won the battle!

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Re: Can't give up bad relationship.

Post by Deborah on Thu May 09, 2013 10:46 am

Hi, Christa,
The reason I asked you about the headaches is because a broken heart can lead to a spirit of self hatred which can manifest as headaches, but other pain too.
Could I tell you a little bit what I've learned through my own life? People have a way of picking up on how you feel about yourself. If they perceive you don't like yourself they figure, he/she knows herself really well and if he/she doesn't like himself/herself, why should I? Then they treat you accordingly. I grew up around some religious folk who thought it was holy to put themselves down all the time. It's taken me decades to finally get to the point where I love myself. It felt unholy telling myself all the time "I love you, Debbie," but I said it by faith until I believed it. The Bible says we are to love our neighbor AS OURSELVES. We can't love others if we don't love ourselves.
This self hatred leads to depression, specifically feelings of worthlessness and rejection. These feelings cause others to treat us like dog doodoo which leads to more feelings of worthlessness and rejection, a never-ending cycle. However, we CAN break this cycle. It involves spending time with the the Lord and bathing in His Word until we start to see ourselves as He sees us. Then we need to really watch the words of our mouths. Are we calling ourselves dumb? fat? skinny? stupid? This needs to stop. I'm glad to hear you're withdrawing from dating until you're emotinally healthy again. I think getting healthy again is going to attract people to you who are healthy too.

Father, I pray for Christa. In the name of Jesus, I curse the spirits of trauma, fear, rejection, abandonment, abuse and shame. I speak to those spirits of hopelessness, depression and oppression that have been hanging over Christia like a cloud. The heaviness of that curse in now broken off. I speak peace from the top of Christa's head to the soles of her feet, a waterfall of peace. Thank You, Jesus.

Say these words over yourself:
In Jesus' name, I renonouce the words spoken aganst me, even my own words and thoughts. I am lovely. I am loving. Thank you for teaching me to love others without fear. Thank you, Jesus, Amen.

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Re: Can't give up bad relationship.

Post by Christa on Thu May 16, 2013 7:24 am

Thank you.

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Re: Can't give up bad relationship.

Post by Dove-Solutions on Sun May 19, 2013 5:35 am

Hey Christa! I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I will keep you in prayer. Remember that god knows what your going through, so give it up to him, he has your back.

Love in Jesus!

Connie


~Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Himand He will direct your path.~ Proverbs 3:5-6

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Re: Can't give up bad relationship.

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