Blasphemous/horrible nightmares? I'm afraid I'm unsavable -please help

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Blasphemous/horrible nightmares? I'm afraid I'm unsavable -please help

Post by username93611 on Mon Apr 15, 2013 7:08 am

To keep this as short as possible, I will only share just the briefest background about my situation I can. I was a hardened, scientific, skeptical atheist for 28 years, and after my father and mother died in tragic circumstances over the last two years, I was broken and came to Christ, completely and fundamentally changing everything about my life, repenting completely.

Since then, I've gone through incredibly harrowing experiences. I've experienced gnawing, apostacy-like doubt of the Lord, against my will (there's no other way to describe it; I knew Christ is Lord, and I was in very serious anguish over the fact that my faith felt like it was fleeing) and every attempt to keep and preserve my faith and serve the Lord as sincerely and as earnestly as I could. People around me have often remarked with astonishment at the depth of the turnaround in my life and the way I've studied scripture almost ravenously, trying to catch up.

I have had numerous instances where I know without doubt literal demons were pinning me down in my sleep, and physically striking me. At times, calling on the name of the Lord would send them fleeing. At others, when my faith was particularly weak/gone, calling on the name of the Lord did nothing, and eventually I would wake up, sweating and still hurting and afraid.

I pray almost every waking hour, and have for months.

The last two nights I have had nightmares that I nonetheless can't attribute to anything other than the Lord speaking to me. They are deeply horrifying. That isn't an exaggeration, as anyone who reads this will surely agree. I just woke from the second one an hour ago, and I'm still completely numb in horror from it.

In the first dream, the previous night, I was struggling with a man with a gun, and then I turned the gun on him, and was pointing it at him, savoring the moment before I pulled the trigger to kill him. I then either heard a voice say, or said myself, "allahu akbar!" or however it's written, because I don't even know. To be clear, the whole idea of doing this to someone voluntarily in the dream is violently opposed to -anything- I would do while awake.

I mentioned the nightmare to a deeply devout Christian friend that I have zero doubt of the authenticity of her salvation. (The sermon on the mount is literally written about her, from abject poverty to daily tribulation, while strong in her faith). She told me, without really knowing anything other than that I had had a horrible nightmare, that you need to have someone like a Joseph interpret your dreams for you. She then shared that she had had a dream that night as well, that she was with someone and they were trying to blind her. She said it with no malice, but I had been having a theological discussion with her the previous day, in which she sharply rebuked me from scripture.

Just a little while ago I woke from another nightmare. This one was far worse.

In the dream, I was on a ship of some kind, and a sailor, or maybe just a man, was pursuing a woman. He called out to her, but she turned away, and then he walked after her, but she fled. Then he chased after her, and she ran. Then he caught up to her and pinned her between his arms. As I watched, I thought he was accosting her, perhaps with evil intent, so I (and I don't remember clearly now, but I think I had 'help') grabbed him, pulling him off. At thisnpoint it turns...well...I don't have the words. I'll just truthfully report it. I then grabbed the man, and with help, pulled his clothes off, and then held him down as a gigantic pig sexually assaulted him, in horrifying fashion, while I watched, not caring (in the dream...after I woke up I was horrified.)

I didn't really need help understanding the symbols of this second dream; I just didn't really know what to do besides ask others, in the vain hope that.... there was anything to do.

The Lord bless anyone who reads and has pity enough to try to help. I'm near hopelessness at the moment.


username93611
New Member
New Member

Posts : 5
Points : 7
Join date : 2013-04-15

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Blasphemous/horrible nightmares? I'm afraid I'm unsavable -please help

Post by username93611 on Mon Apr 15, 2013 7:18 am

To merely add to the description... I have had dreams in the past I was uncertain if they were from the Lord or not. In one of them, the Lord gave me the name "Methiniel" (as best I can recall) and a friend said that might have been Nathaniel, but I don't know. In another, a black (in color) shepherd dog was standing on a platform above me, and stepped down to a second platform below it (there was a third platform below that one) and was staring directly at me. A voice said: "Do you see this one? He has loved you since before you were born."

At the time, I was greatly discouraged, and I thought this was an encouragement from the Lord. Now I doubt that.

username93611
New Member
New Member

Posts : 5
Points : 7
Join date : 2013-04-15

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Blasphemous/horrible nightmares? I'm afraid I'm unsavable -please help

Post by gracee (lionhgirl) on Mon Apr 15, 2013 8:13 am

Hi username93611, it's awesome you've come here, there's so many people who can help you out. I just wanted to say I often use Psalm 91 as a declaration over myself. I truly believe the word of God is the best protection!

gracee (lionhgirl)
Junior Member
Junior Member

Posts : 498
Points : 852
Join date : 2011-07-31

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Blasphemous/horrible nightmares? I'm afraid I'm unsavable -please help

Post by username93611 on Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:06 am

Thanks for your reply, Gracee. I'm hopeful someone will have something to say. I could say more to argue for or against myself, but this is a forum about dream interpretation among other things, so I'll leave it at this.

username93611
New Member
New Member

Posts : 5
Points : 7
Join date : 2013-04-15

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Blasphemous/horrible nightmares? I'm afraid I'm unsavable -please help

Post by Macleod on Mon Apr 15, 2013 2:24 pm

Psalm 27:1
"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"

Can I just encourage you not to let fear grip you, but to put all your trust in the Lord. Focus on Jesus and the power of His blood. Allow Gods Amazing Love and Grace to guide you through this and remember there's power in prayer so don't stop praying.

I fully agree with Gracee - "The Word of God is the best protection!" Keep reading His Word and listen as He speaks to you as.. "the Word of God is alive and active". Be encouraged!


Macleod
Junior Member
Junior Member

Posts : 123
Points : 214
Join date : 2011-05-05
Location : Scotland (Isle of Lewis)

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Blasphemous/horrible nightmares? I'm afraid I'm unsavable -please help

Post by dreamster on Mon Apr 15, 2013 4:54 pm

i wood seek prayer and counciling from anointed leaders, since your conversion u stand out in the spirit world, the devil has lost his claim to u, but will torment harass any way how, so deliverance is needed, your second drm may well relate 2 retribution of sorts, to an injustice, anything in your past that relates to this, ,,pigs represent anything unclean, i suggest the man is unclean or is given over 2 sumthing unclean,, ,,your salvation is fixed, unshakable, nothing can seperate you from the love of god,, ,,,

dreamster
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 9202
Points : 9470
Join date : 2008-09-22
Age : 50

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Blasphemous/horrible nightmares? I'm afraid I'm unsavable -please help

Post by username93611 on Mon Apr 15, 2013 6:50 pm

I very much appreciate the response. I hope you won't be offended or frustrated if I voice some of the objections my subconscious yells at me, with the hopes you can address them. Nothing can separate me, except for blasphemy against the Holy Spirit?

My interpretation of the dream was that the man was our Lord, pursuing the woman, an unsaved person (me, once...I'm not female, but Christ is the bridegroom and we are invited to the marriage feast) tried everything in His power to save me, but in the end I blasphemed, and became as unclean as the pig. My attempts to restore/act out my faith currently are like trying to forcefully join myself (permanently unsaved) to the Lord, and is an act as abominable to the Lord as the dream was to me.

But I'm mercilessly skilled at arguing against myself, and I will be to my grave, it seems. Nothing is more important to me than the Lord and I pray almost minute by minute now, and I feel only wrath.

username93611
New Member
New Member

Posts : 5
Points : 7
Join date : 2013-04-15

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Blasphemous/horrible nightmares? I'm afraid I'm unsavable -please help

Post by dreamster on Mon Apr 15, 2013 7:52 pm

um im sure of the scripture, ,i know all have fallen short, also that all your sins/iniquities/transgressions have been paid in full, cancelled, forgiven,,blotted out, covered,, etc,, my understanding og greiveing the holy spirit was to say jesus was casting out demons by beelzebub ,,,,,jesus took on himself evey sin ever commited by men an bore the wrath of god for them, then justified haveing paid the price that sin commands was seperated from god for 3days, in hell where he the keys of death and hell, released the captives, and rose victorious, ,,,,,hope this helps,

dreamster
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 9202
Points : 9470
Join date : 2008-09-22
Age : 50

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Blasphemous/horrible nightmares? I'm afraid I'm unsavable -please help

Post by username93611 on Mon Apr 15, 2013 8:15 pm

First... please, no one who is uncertain of their faith, or who is obsessive compulsive, read this. I would never want to cause anyone to stumble. And I believe all of what you've said. Once, in the deepest grips of handing doubt that felt like my faith was fleeing, I actually questioned (unconsciously, or unintentionally, maybe, or perhaps intentionally, and only instantly afterwards regretting, hating and being horrified by the thought; the Lord knows; I don't) whether Christ was sent by the Lord, or the (I'll just say) 'other side' for reasons that I wouldn't even share, for the same reason as my post disclaimer. I don't think that. I think it's insanity. It just occurred out probably hundreds of things my anxious, obsessive head came up with while struggling with anguish over feeling like my faith was disappearing.

And then these two dreams.

Incidentally, my Bible study group is studying Genesis right now, and the lesson this week was on Genesis 39-40. I only read them after both dreams happened, so didn't know Joseph inteprets the dreams in them. Go figure.

username93611
New Member
New Member

Posts : 5
Points : 7
Join date : 2013-04-15

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Blasphemous/horrible nightmares? I'm afraid I'm unsavable -please help

Post by gracee (lionhgirl) on Mon Apr 15, 2013 8:32 pm

You had a thought, yes, but you knew it wasn't right. And you said the Lord knows that you don't believe it. You said you're pursuing a relationship with God and praying to him all the time and I think that shows great faith. The mind takes time to get into a Godly pattern. If it happens again, say something out loud declaring your faith - like Jesus is Lord, or I'm forgiven -or whatever you choose, and it'll just become natural to ignore it.
Try not to judge your thoughts to harshly, sure it's not good to dwell on wrong thoughts, but they don't define you.

gracee (lionhgirl)
Junior Member
Junior Member

Posts : 498
Points : 852
Join date : 2011-07-31

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Blasphemous/horrible nightmares? I'm afraid I'm unsavable -please help

Post by dreamster on Mon Apr 15, 2013 8:37 pm

hmmm well if you beleave all ive said ,,ther shud be no room for doubt/unbeleif etc. dreams can be excessive, over the top, outside normal parameters, ,,i would pull down any thort that wants 2 exalt itself above the name of the lord, ,,feelings are jus that, feelings,, the woman brought 2 jesus naked from the act of adultery walked away justified, unaccused, not condemed, ,,,,so shud you,

dreamster
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 9202
Points : 9470
Join date : 2008-09-22
Age : 50

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Blasphemous/horrible nightmares? I'm afraid I'm unsavable -please help

Post by Macleod on Tue Apr 16, 2013 1:59 am

I was on the same line of thought as dreamster "...walked away justified, unaccused, not condemned"

I hope it's okay to share something with you, like you, for two years after coming to Christ, I walked in self condemnation. No matter how many times I was encouraged to come out of the ashes, I could see no beauty in me, I only saw my past sin. The Lord then came and lifted my chains and freed my mind, once He did this I asked Him "Is this it, am I free?" and He shook His head and spoke to my mind saying "you must watch your thoughts." It didn't take me long to realize why He said that, the very moment I let thoughts, that went against Gods Truth, enter my mind, I was held captive.

John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

In Christ, we are offered a new beginning and this Grace is offered freely, Again and Again. You are a new creation, beautifully and wonderfully made, don't be hard on yourself anymore, remember, He died for you because He loves you; you are priceless!!

Macleod
Junior Member
Junior Member

Posts : 123
Points : 214
Join date : 2011-05-05
Location : Scotland (Isle of Lewis)

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Blasphemous/horrible nightmares? I'm afraid I'm unsavable -please help

Post by Cholette on Wed Apr 17, 2013 1:48 pm

These are my thoughts...

The first dream seems positive because the assailant is the enemy and you turned around and killed him. I believe this has much to do with your decision to come to Christ. The moment you said yes to Christ, you pretty much did that to the enemy in the spiritual realm. The key words were "Savoring the moment"...that was a feeling you had that stood out to you in the dream.

I don't think the second dream is Jesus because of what the pig ended up doing. God could be showing you something to come...not sure.

I really don't think you should allow your dreams to condemn you. Don't take them at face value and automatically feel as if everything is negative. If God is showing you things to help you in your walk, he would NEVER do anything that would bring fear or condemnation. Dreams are like prophecies...they will edify, comfort and encourage. There are times that God will show us something and it's a warning, but it's NEVER to put fear. God is a God of love and PERFECT LOVE casts out all fear. If you are feeling anything outside of peace, I would say that it's NOT of God and you should pray until you receive the peace and/or understanding that you need.

Coming to this site is a great idea because we have some fantastic people that can help you to discern and understand you dreams. So with that being said...WELCOME!!!!


Do not fight FOR victory, but fight FROM THE PLACE of victory. Jesus has ALREADY won the battle!

Cholette
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 3879
Points : 4070
Join date : 2008-08-04
Age : 49

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Blasphemous/horrible nightmares? I'm afraid I'm unsavable -please help

Post by Sponsored content Today at 3:10 am


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum