Homeless man, lack of communication, and a custody battle ending

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Homeless man, lack of communication, and a custody battle ending

Post by Daisy on Sat Jan 19, 2013 4:52 am

I had a dream that I was in our living room. This homeless man carries one of those cheap foam filled fold out couch beds, and plops it into our living room. He sits on it and makes himself at home. I looked at him and said, "Keep on moving, your not stopping here." My husband walks into the room and says, "O, I gave him permission to stay here. I didn't tell you." I look at my husband in frustration, and walk in the other room. So this guy takes camp up in our house, which I feel uncomfortable about. I wish my husband would have talked to me about this first. We have small children, and I feel uneasy about having this stranger in our home with our kids. I think my husband allowed him to shower at our house and gave him some new clean clothes to wear. I looked in my daughters closet and could sense his dirty clothes were in the hamper in the closet. Her church dresses were touching the laundry basket. I felt frustrated once again with my husband for not thinking of the obvious in this situation. God only knows if there is lice or other germs on this homeless mans clothing. These clothes should have never been put in my daughters closet, touching her things! They should have been thrown straight into the washer on the HOT cycle!!!

Scene change
Im eating at a snack bar area with my dad and step mom. My brothers exgirlfriend shows up and is talking to me. She is the mother of my brothers child, and recently irl and in the dream had another child with a different man. IRL she has ex communicated with our side of the family, bc of the custody battle and child protective issues that she has been encounterig with my brother (who is struggling to get sober). In the dream she was friendly towards me. I was talking with her, and she asked if I would allow my brother to watch my own children. I said very nicely, "No, I wouldnt be comfortable yet. He needs more time under his belt of being sober." It was then that I realized that he was also sitting on the other side of the room. I didnt feel bad that I said this, I said it in all sincerity and in love. He didn't seem hurt by my comments in the dream. She was going to allow me to watch both her kids in the dream. I felt hopeful in the dream for my brother, to be able to start seeing his son again. IRL he has only been allowed to have supervised visits with social services. Im thinking this part of the dream may be that communication may be opened back up to at least our side of the family to see my nephew more often...probably with making sure my brother is always supervised (and sober) with his son when he is with our family.


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: Homeless man, lack of communication, and a custody battle ending

Post by Daisy on Thu Feb 14, 2013 7:15 pm

bump


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: Homeless man, lack of communication, and a custody battle ending

Post by Mia Sherwood on Sat Feb 16, 2013 1:20 pm

Daisy wrote: I looked in my daughters closet and could sense his dirty clothes were in the hamper in the closet. Her church dresses were touching the laundry basket. I felt frustrated once again with my husband for not thinking of the obvious in this situation. God only knows if there is lice or other germs on this homeless mans clothing. These clothes should have never been put in my daughters closet, touching her things! They should have been thrown straight into the washer on the HOT cycle!!!

lol!

sorry


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Re: Homeless man, lack of communication, and a custody battle ending

Post by Mia Sherwood on Sat Feb 16, 2013 1:22 pm

Dream One

Is someone else in your family doing something that makes you feel concern over your daughter? Like their involvement in your life could corrupt your daughter and you want nothing to do with it until they get their act together?

TWO

I agree that something comes that makes you feel a little hope for your brother's situation.


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Re: Homeless man, lack of communication, and a custody battle ending

Post by Daisy on Sat Feb 16, 2013 6:45 pm

Mia Sherwood wrote:
Daisy wrote: I looked in my daughters closet and could sense his dirty clothes were in the hamper in the closet. Her church dresses were touching the laundry basket. I felt frustrated once again with my husband for not thinking of the obvious in this situation. God only knows if there is lice or other germs on this homeless mans clothing. These clothes should have never been put in my daughters closet, touching her things! They should have been thrown straight into the washer on the HOT cycle!!!

lol!

sorry

I know right!??? lol!

After rereading this part, it seems kind of not so compassionate of me to be so annoyed and frustrated. Your comment below though about who else I wouldnt be comfortable leaving around my daughter makes me realize what this is all about.


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: Homeless man, lack of communication, and a custody battle ending

Post by Daisy on Sat Feb 16, 2013 7:05 pm

Mia Sherwood wrote:Dream One

Is someone else in your family doing something that makes you feel concern over your daughter? Like their involvement in your life could corrupt your daughter and you want nothing to do with it until they get their act together?

TWO

I agree that something comes that makes you feel a little hope for your brother's situation.


My mom is pretty stubborn about wanting me to alllow my brother back into our life (a different brother than the second part of this dream). The brother my mom wants me to allow in my daughters life is biologically her birth father. He is in and out of jail, and a known drug user with a disease. Since my mom allows him to have a revolving door at her home (I dont expect her to shut him out, he is her son) there have been times that he has left behind contaminated needles in her home. I refuse to take my kids there, and my mom is having a very hard time with this decision. Since I know he comes and goes there, I dont feel its a safe place for my children to play. Me holding my ground has caused much tension in my relationship with my mom. She is very stubborn and wont let this go. She sees it as I dont love her enough to do what she wants me to do...and that Im being just being selfish. Its hard for me to not simply give in, to please her. The Lord is using the love and concern I have for my kids, to help me in this area...but this has totally been a huge source of stress for me!!! I never expected the person who should help me the most, be the biggest pain and source of stress in my life. My mom has not been the support I need through this whole adoption process. We had a blow out this week, and I shared my heart with her. I let her know what I needed from her, and if she wasn't willing or able to do that then I can accept this. I explained to her she can be an emotional support for me, even if she didn't agree with our decisions and stewardship regarding our kids. If not, no problem, I told her I cant handle the drama, guilt, and stress, and that I would be stepping back from the relationship (not entirely ending the relationship, but enough to guard my heart and keep good emotional boundaries). She said that she would be the support and encouragement I needed. Im not certain though that she will follow through. All I know, is that this stress is not healthy for my marriage, or my family, or my own personal health. If she doesn't follow through with her part, I am finally at the point, that I will certainly have no choice but to follow through with my part. Ugh....she has been my only hinderance in this whole process....I totally didn't expect this...even though I wouldn't change our choice to adopt our daughter for the world!!! Please pray for me Mia, this has been very challenging for me. Im tired of being hurt and let down by her. Im tired of her judging me, and criticizing me, instead of encouraging me (which moms are suppose to do). crying


Thank you for your post, Im certain my frustration with the lack of common sense def has to do with my moms lack of perspective with our situation. She continues to push to get her way, and its a safety/health issue. To me this is a no brainer.


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: Homeless man, lack of communication, and a custody battle ending

Post by Daisy on Sat Feb 16, 2013 7:33 pm

Sorry for the novel, I left a lot of details out too...lol. lol!


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: Homeless man, lack of communication, and a custody battle ending

Post by Daisy on Sat Feb 16, 2013 8:30 pm

I will edit my post after you respond, due to the personal things I posted. I prob shouldve pmd you. lol!


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: Homeless man, lack of communication, and a custody battle ending

Post by Mia Sherwood on Sat Feb 16, 2013 10:23 pm

Daisy,

Take a stand for what is right. DO NOT under ANY circumstances jeopordize your daughter's welfare. Your mom is old enough to take care of herself, your daughter is not. Sometimes making difficult choices is... well, difficult but they still need to be made.

You definitely need to pray that God strengthen you when you get weary and keeps you focused when things get cloudy. A little leaven leavens the whole lump.

The BEST thing for your daughter and for you is to step back until your mom can grasp how bad this situation is. Her lack of firmness and determination will continue to cause problems until a light goes on in her head that SHE needs to take a firm stand as well.

I will definitely be praying for you.

Love,
Mia



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Re: Homeless man, lack of communication, and a custody battle ending

Post by piano on Sun Feb 17, 2013 7:29 am

I had a dream that I was in our living room. This homeless man carries one of those cheap foam filled fold out couch beds, and plops it into our living room. He sits on it and makes himself at home. I looked at him and said, "Keep on moving, your not stopping here." My husband walks into the room and says, "O, I gave him permission to stay here. I didn't tell you." I look at my husband in frustration, and walk in the other room. So this guy takes camp up in our house, which I feel uncomfortable about. I wish my husband would have talked to me about this first. We have small children, and I feel uneasy about having this stranger in our home with our kids. I think my husband allowed him to shower at our house and gave him some new clean clothes to wear. I looked in my daughters closet and could sense his dirty clothes were in the hamper in the closet. Her church dresses were touching the laundry basket. I felt frustrated once again with my husband for not thinking of the obvious in this situation. God only knows if there is lice or other germs on this homeless mans clothing. These clothes should have never been put in my daughters closet, touching her things! They should have been thrown straight into the washer on the HOT cycle!!!

Hi Daisy-- Some thoughts for your discernment.

When I was reading your dream this morning (just the first part) my thoughts were that God has this perfect plan for those who He will give a home with Him, (for the homeless, the destitute) but sometimes that plan doesn't fit in with the way we imagine things should go. Trusting Him is the key.
He intends to redeem those who make a home with Him, by His Mercy and Grace through the gift of faith.

When you described your daughters "church clothes" in view of thoughts of them touching the dirty laundry (or that which was has been thrown off) of the homeless man I wondered.
What does this say about the church itself..how are we to view the baby sheep brought into the fold, and how are we to view their past?
If His blood sacrifice can clean up what is in our own closet, can we trust Him to do so for others as well?

I just saw your dream as hope for a life redeemed in Him, and a need to trust the process, not always easy.

He knows where the dirty laundry is too, and just how much if any that will effect you or those you love.
To seemingly be stuck with it... maybe has to do with some work on your end-- a work planned by Him in advance for His Glory? Not sure....perhaps some areas that will need to be placed under the blood..forgiveness.

Discard anything not helpful.

Peace,

Piano







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Re: Homeless man, lack of communication, and a custody battle ending

Post by LadyonFire 217 on Sun Feb 17, 2013 10:56 am

Dear Daisy, I feel your pain in dealing with a mother who is stubborn, critical and not supportive. I learned to not desire and seek after what my mother was not able to give. It hurt, but there is power and strength in the name of Jesus. He can definitely get you through these trying times. I am 50 something and my mother is still a very critical person. So I cherish what she can give and the rest of the motherly affection I get from God.
My response is meant to encourage you, not to offend. I hope I succeeded in being an encouragement. 2Cor 1:3,4 ...that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
My heart goes out to you.

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Re: Homeless man, lack of communication, and a custody battle ending

Post by Mia Sherwood on Sun Feb 17, 2013 10:59 am

LadyonFire 217 wrote:Dear Daisy, I feel your pain in dealing with a mother who is stubborn, critical and not supportive. I learned to not desire and seek after what my mother was not able to give. It hurt, but there is power and strength in the name of Jesus. He can definitely get you through these trying times. I am 50 something and my mother is still a very critical person. So I cherish what she can give and the rest of the motherly affection I get from God.
My response is meant to encourage you, not to offend. I hope I succeeded in being an encouragement. 2Cor 1:3,4 ...that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
My heart goes out to you.

wink


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Re: Homeless man, lack of communication, and a custody battle ending

Post by Daisy on Sun Feb 17, 2013 4:18 pm

Mia Sherwood wrote:Daisy,

Take a stand for what is right. DO NOT under ANY circumstances jeopordize your daughter's welfare. Your mom is old enough to take care of herself, your daughter is not. Sometimes making difficult choices is... well, difficult but they still need to be made.



Yes I agree 100%!!! I couldnt agree more! This is a strong confirmation for what I have felt in my heart. Her and my brother have already made their choices for the results of their lives. Its my daughters life that is still before her. As much as I have been a people pleaser my whole life, this is just not an area that I can compromise. My daughters well being has much more priority over pleasing my mom. It hard bc my mom assaults my character, and says I am just on a power trip, and I am selfish to not give her what she wants. Its actually manipulation...and it hurts that she cares more about getting her way than what is in the best interest of my daughter. I have been standing my ground since she started pressing us on these issues for the last 3 or 4 years. The biggest reason we left our church of 10 years is bc she wanted my brother to be able to come there. We started entertaining moving out of state to lessen the stress on the family. I have backed away from my mom quite a bit since all this has happened..but she still keeps pushing. Im tired of fighting her on this, but I wont give in and endanger my daughter for anything. I would back off the relationship with my mom if she keeps wearing me down. I really believe that this stress is where my physical ailments have been coming from. Im reaizing, that if this continues, that I would need to set better, stronger, and more distant boundaries with my mom for my own health and energy to be able to continue to properly take care of my family. Thank you for praying for me. Im just tired, weary and wore out from this. I will not give her what she wants EVER if it would endanger my daughter. Through this, God is using it to change my people pleasing at the core of who I am. I really appreciate your encouragement, confirmation, and prayers Mia!! Bless you.



Last edited by Daisy on Sun Feb 17, 2013 4:43 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : added some more details)


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: Homeless man, lack of communication, and a custody battle ending

Post by Daisy on Sun Feb 17, 2013 4:22 pm

LadyonFire 217 wrote:Dear Daisy, I feel your pain in dealing with a mother who is stubborn, critical and not supportive. I learned to not desire and seek after what my mother was not able to give. It hurt, but there is power and strength in the name of Jesus. He can definitely get you through these trying times. I am 50 something and my mother is still a very critical person. So I cherish what she can give and the rest of the motherly affection I get from God.
My response is meant to encourage you, not to offend. I hope I succeeded in being an encouragement. 2Cor 1:3,4 ...that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
My heart goes out to you.

Thank you ladyonfire for your post. It was very encouraging to me, and not at all offensive. Bless you!!!


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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