Friendship Problems: I just wanna quit!!!!!

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Friendship Problems: I just wanna quit!!!!!

Post by Mamoyo on Wed Dec 12, 2012 10:47 am

Hi everyone.
I need some help concerning my relationship with a friend. I have pondered over this for a long time now, but still not sure about how to proceed.

I have known this friend for more than twenty years and at one time we were the best of friends. With time I moved to a different country, and for the past 12 years we have kept in touch erratically, sometimes going for 6 months without any communication. This friend calls herself a christian, but her actions do not reflect her beliefs. For example, she has confessed to me that she was having an affair with a married man, this was when sh herself was also married (now divorced; she left her husband. To be fair to her, she was in an abusive relationship. Not judging her decision to quit.) However, what I did not agree with was her act of adultery, and causing another woman pain. I tried all I could to make her see sense, to no avail. She continued with the affair, which went beyond her divorce, lasting about two years or slightly less.

In an unfortunate turn of events, this past April she was diagnosed with cancer. I tried as much as I could to be supportive of her, at one time even giving her financial assistance. She is still going through the treatment. The reason why I bring her illness in this is to make this point; I feel drained with this relationship, but I feel bad cutting ties with her now because I know she needs support.

I however feel that this friendship has run it's course and I do not want to continue in it. I came to this conclusion recently when I visited my native country and this friend came to my home to see me. All she talked about for her whole visit was how difficult she is finding it to get a new man, basically her current problem, from what I see, is not getting healed from the cancer, but her need for a man. Her problem is not even concern for her her eight year old daughter who might be left without a mother, but where and how to get a man.

While I understand that we are flesh and blood and we do have needs in that area, I just could not understand how she could be so bothered by her sexual needs in the face of such health issues. To be honest, I feel that there is a spirit that is manifesting itself in her life and has now managed to destroy her marriage, brought her the illness, and is keeping her mind so pre-occupied by sexual matters so as to prevent her from seeking the face of Jehovah to receive her healing. I have tried praying with her, going through bible verses with her, but her responses are, e.g "Well, the bible does say my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit but.......what am I supposed to do sexually.....my husband doesn't touch me anymore.......(regarding the adulterous affair) I am almost 40, where do I get a single man of that age?"

Long story short, I do not want to associate with this friend anymore. What should I do? Thanks for your advice in advance.

Mamoyo
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Re: Friendship Problems: I just wanna quit!!!!!

Post by astra on Fri Dec 14, 2012 2:16 pm

Hi Mamoyo,
Sorry to hear about your friend being in such trouble. Dear Sister, I do believe that your friend is not choosing to be that way. I believe she is in great trouble because she believes the lies about herself and does not know who she is, her True Identity which is the same as for all believers - the Image and Likeness of God, our Creator.
When we don't know who we are we keep on believing all sorts of lies of the enemy and keep on living in all sorts of bondages. This does not mean we are bad or wicked people. This means we are confused and simply don't see the way out clearly.
She keeps on seeking satisfaction of this particular desire, driven by lies, not her choice. So often we fall for this one (not necessarily sexual "satisfaction"). This is called lust and the definition of lust is simply a sinful desire that cannot be satisfied. The reason it is sinful is because we place anything but Christ Jesus as something to pursue in our lives and most obviously the satisfaction cannot be achieved simply because we were DESIGNED and CREATED to only be satisfied by our Lord. It's basically running in a circle like a hamster in a cage and never ever arriving.
So many of us have such lusts in our lives. Some chase after money, some after greater possessions, some after career, and some after feeling "important" and "secure"... you name it.
Please pray for your friend for the Lord to open up her eyes on who she is in Him, free her from this bondage as well as lies and false chains of sickness and her life will be restored, she will stop chasing after illusions. She simply will never feel the need for it. When we pray for all the right reasons and from understanding the truth, the Lord does answer and turns people's lives around in amazing ways. The Lord is waiting for His beloved daughter - your friend - to seek Him First and Foremost. Let's pray according to His desires and will and not what our eyes see!!

We need to pray for each other. The Lord gave that woman a friend - YOU - to pray for her bacuse where she cannot see - you can and you do! Who esle will support and uplift us before God if not our Christian brothers and sisters? That's why we have each other. Your friend does not live her life in the Lord to the fullest because of the lies she believes about herself. When you are alone with the Lord, cry out to Him for her not out of frustration, or judgement, but to free her from bondages of the enemy!!

God bless you richly, Sister!!

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Re: Friendship Problems: I just wanna quit!!!!!

Post by Mamoyo on Sat Dec 15, 2012 11:16 am

Hi Astra

Thanks a lot for such thoughtful and well-meaning advice. You have made me realize that in a way I was being judgmental of my friend and seeing myself as holier than thou art; pride that the Lord hates. I repent of my sin and will continue to pray for my friend and give her the support that she needs, bearing in mind that I too am a sinner who needs help. Thanks for helping me realize the error of my ways.

God bless you and may he continue to work through you.

Mamoyo
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Re: Friendship Problems: I just wanna quit!!!!!

Post by astra on Sat Dec 15, 2012 5:18 pm

Hi Mamoyo,
Please do not think that I said the above to correct you in any way. I out of all people have no right to do that. The word "pride" never even remotely crossed my mind. I know it's so easy to slip into condemnation here, but that's exactly the opposite of what the Lord wants.
And please don't think you are a sinner. You are NOT! Your heart is pure and right as you have the heart of Christ. If you were a sinner you'd never even think that your friend is doing wrong. I believe you have a zeal for the Lord and huge zeal for your friend. Unfortunately sometimes people don't respond to other people's efforts to show them the way out. I don't know why. But when this happens our hearts hurt for them so much that it brings us to the point of "burn out". This happened to me so many times as well.
But when we pray for them and show God's Grace, the Lord, knowing exactly what needs to be said to them, when and exactly how, they, all of a sudden, listen and turn around.
Romans 8:1 says that there is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. That is us, Christians. I don't even believe this is about who is bad or good, who is "goodder "or "badder" :-). I believe that now it's about what we see or don't see.
I know that I don't see so much and so I ask the Lord to open my eyes and let me see what He sees regarding my life in general and particular situations where I feel I am stuck and He always does. And He never gets mad or frustrated, but like a good Teacher, lovingly explains and shows and He never gets tired of it. Never gets frustrated even if I ask the same question He has already explained to me many times before. He NEVER condemns!!!
I wish I could give you a big hug, Sister!! The Lord has blessed you so much and He gave you His Heart so you will shine bright to the others!
Tons of blessings and thank you so much for blessing me as well!!

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Re: Friendship Problems: I just wanna quit!!!!!

Post by Mamoyo on Mon Dec 17, 2012 1:43 pm

Thanks Astra, for you have helped a lot. I will continue to pray for my friend so that God himself through the power of the HS ministers to her; because everytime I try to point her to the Word, she gives me answers that make me frustrated and indeed I feel burnt-out. Only God can make her heart receptive to His word.

I have come to the conclusion that all I can do is pray, pray and pray more for her.

Mamoyo
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Re: Friendship Problems: I just wanna quit!!!!!

Post by astra on Wed Dec 19, 2012 11:43 am

No problem, Sister! James 5:16 says "The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man (or woman) availeth much."

Tons of blessings!!!


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Re: Friendship Problems: I just wanna quit!!!!!

Post by Mia Sherwood on Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:36 pm

thumbs


Mia

I'm a lousy example of a Christian but a PERFECT example of God's Grace.



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