need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

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need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

Post by owen on Sun Aug 12, 2012 12:22 pm

please brothers and sisters in Christ, help me pray about two concerns in my present situation these days.

My family has been in a very challenging, trying and testing of faith this month.

First, we are in a very tight situation financially. My wife is pregnant with our second child, most of our savings have been used for check ups and preparing for the coming baby. i know most mothers know what i mean. Yesterday, we just had a car accident. Miraculously, no one was hurt, not even my pregnant wife. GOD IS GOOD AND I PRAISE HIM FOR THAT. My car has major damage in the front part, the bumper was totally destroyed. Thank God the engine is OK. Truly, God preserved our lives.

Second, my brother-in-law is living with us together with his two friends for two weeks now. That would mean that I need to tighten more my finances and plan my budget wisely. My expenses for food in a month have doubled in just two weeks. My wife and I have always been helping him financially for many years. I love my wife this is why I am letting him and his two friends to live with us because I know he has no one to run to.

Please, please, please help me pray that I will remain humble and wise to respond in His provisions financially and spiritually.


I am also asking your godly advice about this matter. My wife is bothered about the sexual preference of his brother who lives with us. 3 years ago,He had a homosexual relationship with two men. When my wife learned about it, she tried her best to help him. But he became resentful and aloof towards us. My wife decided not to talk about it anymore, but still, kept on helping him financially.

What makes my wife and i wondering if he (her brother) and his male friend who also lives with us, have this what we call romantic relationship. We are trying to ignore it, just shrug it off because we dont want to be suspicious or judgemental. He told us that his friend is just like a brother to him. And they have been sleeping together since they became close. We want to believe it, but we cant help thinking that two men in one small bed prefer to sleep each night in one room. My wife asked me if I would choose to sleep in one bed with my male best friend. I told her NO, I would rather choose to sleep on the floor or in a big sofa.

I have no one to open up about this matter and ask some advice. I even think that it is a bad a idea to ask for counsel from my close friends in a church, because I don 't want people to gossip about him.

Well, maybe, my wife and I are wrong. I hope we are wrong.

If you were in my shoes what would you do, given that he lives in your house with his friends.

Thank you everyone for leaving comments and agreeing with me in prayer.


Last edited by owen on Mon Aug 13, 2012 6:03 pm; edited 2 times in total

owen
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Re: need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

Post by astra on Sun Aug 12, 2012 3:00 pm

Hmmm, two men in one bed - brothers? I don't think so. Kick the "friend" out. One thing is helping your brother-in-law financially, another thing is letting two or three grown up men sit on your neck and on top of that let them (well, at least two of them) sleep in one bed.

If your wife's brother needs financial help, it still does not give him the right to use you like that. This is YOUR house and YOU set the rules. It's up to you if you want to accomodate all 3 of them, but letting them sleep in one bed, his is BEYOND anything reasonable by any standars. If they feel like "brothers", they can go and experess this somewhere else, not in your home. If there is not room in the house, put a tent up in your backyard.
Besides, I'd give them a time frame with definite deadlines by which they have to accomplish something in order to stand on their own feet.

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Re: need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

Post by owen on Sun Aug 12, 2012 3:24 pm

To be honest, several times my wife and I have been advising him what to do when it comes to his major decisions, such as issues about choosing a job, buying a house, investing his money to start a business, relationships, etc. unfortunately he never listened. And everytime he's in trouble because of his wrong choices, he runs to us for help. This is what upsets me. Everytime it happens I ask God for patience and peace in my heart. I told my wife that I know she is a good sister but we can not go on like this forever. well, hopefully they will move at the end of August, I hope.

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Re: need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

Post by owen on Sun Aug 12, 2012 3:33 pm

astra wrote:Hmmm, two men in one bed - brothers? I don't think so. Kick the "friend" out. One thing is helping your brother-in-law financially, another thing is letting two or three grown up men sit on your neck and on top of that let them (well, at least two of them) sleep in one bed.

If your wife's brother needs financial help, it still does not give him the right to use you like that. This is YOUR house and YOU set the rules. It's up to you if you want to accomodate all 3 of them, but letting them sleep in one bed, his is BEYOND anything reasonable by any standars. If they feel like "brothers", they can go and experess this somewhere else, not in your home. If there is not room in the house, put a tent up in your backyard.
Besides, I'd give them a time frame with definite deadlines by which they have to accomplish something in order to stand on their own feet.

That's what i thought few days ago. the thing is my wife never interfere with his relationship since the her first confrontation with him Though I know that she is bothered by it.

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Re: need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

Post by astra on Sun Aug 12, 2012 3:38 pm

Well, advising him how to handle his finances is one thing, but when he LIVES off of you this is a totally DIFFERENT situation for him. You and your wife have to face the truth. As long as he has a freebie, he'll use it. I do not think it is helping him any.
Grown up men are supposed to support at least themselves. If he has the nerve to use your hoome and eat your food without any contribution to the budget, he CAN'T CHOOSE not to listen to you. You'd do him a really huge favour if you set a short term goal to find ANY job to at least put food on the table or else here's the door.

I know this is hard, especially with close family. I pray that the Lord is giving you both strength and wisdom as to how to handle this situation. I also pray that He touches your brother-in-law's heart so he can see himself as a strong man, provider and giver as he should be. Amen!

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Re: need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

Post by astra on Sun Aug 12, 2012 3:53 pm

owen wrote:
That's what i thought few days ago. the thing is my wife never interfere with his relationship since the her first confrontation with him Though I know that she is bothered by it.

Well, they key in this situation is THEY LIVE IN YOUR HOME! You do not need to interfere with his relationship but again the fact of the matter is YOUR HOUSE - YOUR RULES. All they need to know is that in your home one man sleeps in one bed and this is final. Besides if there's nothing going on between those two (which I'd never believe) they shouldn't be upset.
You're the man of the house, so YOU set the rules. Tell your wife "sorry, honey, they'd have to sleep separately since neither one of us feels comfortable with this situation." I can almost guarantee you she'd be relieved by this decision. And again, let me stress this, it's not you teaching her brother how to live, but setting Your rules in Your house. Don't like it - GET OUT!

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Re: need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

Post by owen on Sun Aug 12, 2012 4:33 pm

astra wrote:Well, advising him how to handle his finances is one thing, but when he LIVES off of you this is a totally DIFFERENT situation for him. You and your wife have to face the truth. As long as he has a freebie, he'll use it. I do not think it is helping him any.
Grown up men are supposed to support at least themselves. If he has the nerve to use your hoome and eat your food without any contribution to the budget, he CAN'T CHOOSE not to listen to you. You'd do him a really huge favour if you set a short term goal to find ANY job to at least put food on the table or else here's the door.

. Amen!

I understand what you mean. When I finished my college and found a job, I became independent from my family.

I agree , having a freebie is putting your finances at stake. I've seen this in his life since he had his first relationship. Even though he earned a lot of money, not to mention his business, he came out broke at the end. Same thing happens today.
Well, he said he's gonna pay as soon as he gets his first salary.

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Re: need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

Post by owen on Sun Aug 12, 2012 4:45 pm

astra wrote:
owen wrote:
That's what i thought few days ago. the thing is my wife never interfere with his relationship since the her first confrontation with him Though I know that she is bothered by it.

Well, they key in this situation is THEY LIVE IN YOUR HOME! You do not need to interfere with his relationship but again the fact of the matter is YOUR HOUSE - YOUR RULES. All they need to know is that in your home one man sleeps in one bed and this is final. Besides if there's nothing going on between those two (which I'd never believe) they shouldn't be upset.
You're the man of the house, so YOU set the rules. Tell your wife "sorry, honey, they'd have to sleep separately since neither one of us feels comfortable with this situation." I can almost guarantee you she'd be relieved by this decision. And again, let me stress this, it's not you teaching her brother how to live, but setting Your rules in Your house. Don't like it - GET OUT!

laugh , kind of funny, can't imagine myself saying that to his face. My wife told him the same thing but indirectly. I really like your advice, but the thing is she loves her brother despite of his personality.

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Re: need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

Post by owen on Sun Aug 12, 2012 5:43 pm

Astra, I really appreciate your advice, very practical and true. Another thing is my wife is pregnant, i don't want to hurt her feelings, not good for her.

Really need your prayers!!!!

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Re: need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

Post by astra on Mon Aug 13, 2012 3:52 am

Well, Brother, I think that the best way to pray for your brother-in-law would be Ephesians 1:17-23 and 3:14-21. I don't know of any other prayer that would bring God's light where there is darkness. I firmly believe that if he saw himself the way the Lord sees him, he'd choose to change in a flash. And I don't mean to say He sees him as a real bad sinner. I mean to say that He sees him REGHTEOUS, FREE, REDEEMED, in his true identity of a child of the Living God.
We have a firm promise from the Lord that He does see His children's burdens. Isaiah 42:6-7: "I the Lord have called You [the Messiah] for a righteous purpose and in righteousness; I will take You by the hand and will keep You; I will give You for a covenant to the people [Israel], for a light to the nations [Gentiles], to open the eyes of the blind, to bring out prisoners from the dungeon, and those who sit in darkness from the prison." (Amplified)
So rest on these promises, that even if he's in the darkness about his identity and because of that darkness he sits in a prison of homosexuality, the Lord has promised plainly that He will not live him there, but deliver him out.
You might not say another word to your brother-in-law, but pray these verses over him that the Light of the Lord is in him and he will change. Our God is good all the time! Rest in His Shalom.
Blessings

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Re: need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

Post by astra on Mon Aug 13, 2012 9:37 am

Just thought of something. You probably don't have to make it sound like an ultimatum. You can reword it so it sounds less offensive. For example you don't think it sets a good example to our child (you'd be surprised how early they pick up on things), especially if it's a boy. Tell him that despite the fact that he might have the purest intention, he must understand that it looks bad for everyone else and because you want your child to grow up with good family values you don't want him/her to see such inappropriate behaviors in YOUR HOME. Otherwise how are you going to bring him or her up right if such things are happening in your own home (child will assume it's allowed by you and your wife). So you simply cannot allow this any more. Being very firm with the brother-in-law is the key (without being offensive).

Blessings!

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Re: need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

Post by Cholette on Mon Aug 13, 2012 10:08 am

I agree with Astra 100%. I would like to add some things to what has been said. Spiritually, you have allowed certain dark spirits into your home. YOU, Owen, are the priest of your home. You protect it and you make sure that no outside forces are able to come in. I know that the natural side to this situation is bothering you, but when you allow the homosexual spirit and all other perverse spirits that come with it into your home, you are asking for trouble.

I'm asking you to really put aside your "feelings" in this situation and see this thing spiritually. Your brother-in-law has a squatter's mentality. He EXPECTS to be taken care of and that alone is a spirit. You have a child and one on the way. It's time for you to take back control of your house and protect it. You don't show love by enabling...you show love by doing the best thing possible for the individual. You can't help a person who feels entitled to receive from you. Yes, he will be angry and he probably won't speak to the two of you, but he will thank you later.

I had to do the same thing for my son. I had to release him to the Lord when he first left for college. He wanted to run crazy by drinking, smoking weed and doing all other types of stuff. I cut off all financial help to him until he figured out what he wanted to do. Did that hurt me? YES!!! I wanted to go and get my baby and bring him back home into a safe place, but that would only make him worse. I prayed for the Lord to show him "the wall"...which is that thing that everyone has the opportunity to run into in order to wake up. Just like Hannah did to Samuel...I gave him over to the Lord and allowed him to lead and direct him.

Three months later, my son had a reality check. Now, he's one year away from graduating with his Nutritional Science degree and moving on to graduate school. He works and goes to school and just finished his business plan to launch his own fittness clothing line.

I said all of that to say this...SPIRITUALLY your household is doomed if he stays...just for the simple fact of his lifestyle. SECONDLY...you are not helping him...you are damaging him as a man. In love, let him go and give him over to the Lord. I promise you that God will bring him into purpose. Anything you put into the hands of God, always comes back bigger and better...but you have to do it and trust God through prayer...no matter what the circumstances look like.

It's rough, but it works.


Do not fight FOR victory, but fight FROM THE PLACE of victory. Jesus has ALREADY won the battle!

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Re: need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

Post by owen on Mon Aug 13, 2012 6:18 pm

PRAISE HIM! :hallelujah: PRAISE HIM! :hallelujah: woo hoo

On Thursday this week, they will be moving to another house, two blocks away from where we live. I felt like a yoke has been lifted up from my neck. My wife said that it was best for him to live near our house so that she could monitor his whereabouts and pray for him in a regular basis.

I know he saw or felt that I was uncomfortable when he and his "friend" were around, even though I am not homophobic but because of spiritual reasons. you know what I mean.

woo hoo :praiseg-d:

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Re: need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

Post by owen on Mon Aug 13, 2012 6:23 pm

Astra and Cholette, I will always keep in mind what you have said. I know you two sees what is right in His eyes.

GUYS thank you, thank you thank you thank you







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Re: need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

Post by owen on Mon Aug 13, 2012 6:26 pm

One last question....

He said he is going to pay what I have spent during those days he and his friends were with us. Do you think it is OK to receive it or I'll just tell him to forget it?

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Re: need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

Post by Cholette on Mon Aug 13, 2012 7:23 pm

TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A man should ALWAYS pay his own way...and hold him to it. wink


Do not fight FOR victory, but fight FROM THE PLACE of victory. Jesus has ALREADY won the battle!

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Re: need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

Post by astra on Tue Aug 14, 2012 4:28 am

Halleluiah! God is so good to us all the time!
I don't think it matters much whether you take the money or not. But I'd shake his hand and tell him you're proud of him for taking responsibilities for his actions just like real men do! (he made a decision to pay back what he owes and not just "use" you). That sounds like a huge step for him.

Again, Glory to God as He makes ways where theres eems to be no way and turns around any heart with His LIGHT!

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Re: need your prayer and advice UPDATED!!

Post by owen on Wed Aug 15, 2012 3:19 am

Well, I know money is not an issue, but I'll show him that I take his word seriously, and keep reminding him.

God will make a way! AMEN!

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