I'm cutting myself.

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I'm cutting myself.

Post by Jasmine on Thu Apr 12, 2012 8:18 am

I want to stop because I know God cries when I do but I want to be covered in scars. I like it but I want to rebuild my relationship with Jesus. I need to get my life back on track. God has a plan for me and it's happening soon. I've just been diagnosed with clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder. My soul is broken. I am torn. Do I want to get better or worse. I'm comfortable in my pain but I'm sick of it. I think some demons are involved.@

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Cholette on Thu Apr 12, 2012 2:31 pm

Yes they are involved...a lot more than you know. I suggest you go to your pastor or a minister in your church and receive some counseling and deliverance covering. This isn't anything to play around with. I'm proud of you for opening up and being honest about the issue. Please go get some help. We can all pray, but there needs to be the next level do spiritual warfare In this situation.

Warring for you....


Do not fight FOR victory, but fight FROM THE PLACE of victory. Jesus has ALREADY won the battle!

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Jasmine on Thu Apr 12, 2012 3:18 pm

How much I'd love to do that, I can't. I go to an incredibly small church. They don't have a deliverence department. The pastor there doesn't seem like someone who can help me. He's old and traditional. However, I know of a priest that could help me, but I barely get to see him. I might if I sneak to his church, but I don't know. This forum is basically all I have.

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Cholette on Thu Apr 12, 2012 6:11 pm

Well there is no distance in prayer so I will continue to war and also declare someone into your life that can give you some hands on help. When was the last time you cut?


Do not fight FOR victory, but fight FROM THE PLACE of victory. Jesus has ALREADY won the battle!

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Jasmine on Thu Apr 12, 2012 6:57 pm

Last week I think.

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Daisy on Thu Apr 12, 2012 7:21 pm

I am in agreement with Cholette Jasmine. Please know I am praying as well!! I want to share some of my thoughts with you. Deep in our hearts we know that someone must pay a penalty when a sin is committed. I personally feel that the deep rooted reason most people cut is to punish oneself for their sins. I believe the root is condemnation. In addition to us praying, I would suggest looking up every scripture on forgiveness, and meditate on these as much as possible....memorize them. Try thinking on these things, and the COMPLETED work on the cross every time you have bad thoughts about yourself, or your behavior. When you see yourself cloaked in Christ's righteousness, I personally believe your joy will return and the desire to cut yourself will stop. Think about this...Christ died once and for all for all your sins...this work is completed...it was enough...it was more than enough for all your wrong doings for the rest of your life!! When you see what HE did to purchase your righteousness, to give you this free gift, the punishment for all our sins was already taken! So when you punish yourself more by cutting, its basically saying that Jesus' sacrifice wasn't enough (which could not be further from the truth). See His sacrifice as MORE than enough, and bask in His love for you sweetheart!!! Meditate on how much He loves you, and you wont want to hurt yourself anymore!! He gave it ALL for YOU Jasmine!!!! YOU are the APPLE of HIS EYE!!!! praying


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Jasmine on Thu Apr 12, 2012 8:10 pm

But that's not why I continue to cut. I feel it is because I find my identity in my depression, anxiety and cutting. I find who I am in my disease. I feel that people will see how strong I am. It's as if my problems make me who I am. It's not that I feel guilty for my sins therefore lashing out on my own body. It's that I am creating problems for myself so I can be someone. If I don't have my problems, then who the hell am I? Sometimes I would cut myself out of anger for someone else cause I couldn't injure them. Also I would do I when I was sad, anxious, or just bored. It's not that I don't have respect for life (I use cutting as a way of coping. In a sense I am using it to live, but It can kill me.) I don't have respect for myself.

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Daisy on Thu Apr 12, 2012 8:16 pm

Im so sorry Jasmine...I was totally off on my perspective. I pray that you will find your value and identity in Christ. In Him we are complete. I am praying for you sweetheart! I will pray for deliverance, as well as God putting the right people in your path to minister to you, love you, and show how important you are to the Father. huggins


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Dove-Solutions on Thu Apr 12, 2012 8:17 pm

Amen and amen Daisy.


~Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Himand He will direct your path.~ Proverbs 3:5-6

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Jasmine on Thu Apr 12, 2012 8:46 pm

Thx

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Jasmine on Sun Apr 15, 2012 4:34 pm

I think I have almost 60 cuts. They past few weeks have been really tough.

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Daisy on Sun Apr 15, 2012 6:43 pm

You have cut yourself 60 times in the past few weeks???? Jasmine, I am really concerned sweetie!! Does your mom have any idea that the cutting is taking place?? If she doesn't, I really want you to consider talking to her about this. Please, please, please, pray about it if you haven't told her already...... praying


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Jasmine on Sun Apr 15, 2012 6:45 pm

Not 60. But 40. I had scars from before.

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Daisy on Mon Apr 16, 2012 5:39 am

What about your mom, does she know about this?


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Boscoe Jenkins on Mon Apr 16, 2012 1:31 pm

I will be praying for you as well. I used to cut myself a couple of years back. i was looking for a way out but i can assure you continue to seek out the Lord. Do not give up he has a mighty work for you. I believe that when the Enemy see our potential & how powerful we can really be so he puts thing's in our way to stop us. i am still a work in progress but looking for him saved my life!!! Do you have any friends that can help you with this issue?? Scratch Chin

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Grey Butterfly on Mon Apr 16, 2012 3:51 pm

Hi Jasmine,

Can I suggest an alternative?

I read your reasons to cut, and I wonder if you would temporarily deliberately decide to use something else to find your identity in [obviously you have an identity in Jesus already, you are the daughter of the most high God... you are beloved and beautiful, if people could see you as God sees you, as you really are, they would fall on their faces in awe] It is hard to get a handle on that when you are depressed and in need of something to do with your hands... so, I wonder if you would try using another method... there is one I can think of that would be useful too for displaying strength...

So, as a temporary thing, a first line of action thing, do you think you could do something else when you feel like cutting?

My idea would be walking... if you signed yourself up for a marathon for example and then you begin to train for that marathon... seeing the pain of training in the way you see the pain of cutting... you could focus your energy on it. Lets face it, you would have to be strong to complete a marathon, those who do that are people of tenacity and courage. Of course, the up side of that idea is that exercise can actually help with the depression because of the hormones it releases.

You are right, Jesus does cry, I know because I very nearly did when I read your post and He loves you ever so much more! You do need to stop cutting, you said that yourself... and the underlying depression really does need to be dealt with... I'm sure you know that. Would it help in the short term to have an alternative Jasmine? To have a "something" to do with that energy, till the desire to cut is gone?

My idea might not be the thing... but find something Jasmine, will you please?? And find a way to get (hands on, face to face) help, even if it means telling Mum so that she can get that help for you.

Bless you... I will pray for you too.

With much love, Diane

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Grey Butterfly on Mon Apr 16, 2012 3:56 pm

Jasmine, I just read in your other post that you are 2 months clean from cutting, now I will cry!

Well done!!!!

That is the princess of God standing right there!

I will pray for you now about the fasting... I saw that Astra answered you, I didn't stop to read her answer yet, I was hit by the fact you were not cutting any more.

Bless you precious sister, bless you!

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Jasmine on Tue Apr 17, 2012 3:06 am

No. I relapsed that post was from last month.

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Grey Butterfly on Tue Apr 17, 2012 6:02 am

It is hard to give up something that feeds something that so strong and that feels so important. I will pray for you Jasmine :o)

You need help with this one though... and it's ok to ask for it... everyone needs help sometimes.

He loves you heaps xxx


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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Grey Butterfly on Tue Apr 17, 2012 3:06 pm

I wrote that last post just before I went to bed... and I prayed for you last thing... and then:

Last night I dreamed of finding scads of razor blades under my seat in a kind of bus. I pulled them all out along with some junk... just paper rubbish. I woke up and wrote the dream down - I had no idea what it was about and I focussed more on the odd transport [it was small, like a golf buggy only longer and with the seats running lengthwise down each side] In this kind of transport the drivers are required to sound like a recording [I don't know if you have recordings in your trains that tell you which stop you are approaching and where you are going all the time... but the drivers are required to do that - in this funny dream land] but the "robotic" driver was very nice when I told him about the razor blades... he still talked kind of robot-ish, but he stopped for me and was kind and wanted to help.

So, this morning after I ate breakfast, I thought of you and prayed for you... that was when I began to think that perhaps I had dreamed my dream about/for you... because:

A 14 year old girl I know put the razors under the seat in my dream... the girl in my dream was [I now believe] symbolic for you.

The robotic driver and the small bus thingy makes me think of your small church pastor... the traditional one. [I don't know him at all... but perhaps, even though he seems unapproachable, he would end up being kind?]

Jasmine i care about you very much... I will continue to pray for you. Please stop cutting again??? You know you can do it.

Bless you dear one!

Diane



Last edited by Grey Butterfly on Tue Apr 17, 2012 5:04 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : took out the half that was just me rabbiting on...:))

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Jasmine on Tue Apr 17, 2012 9:34 pm

I saw my therapist today. She told me that she was proud of me for my progress in my emotional state. My mom too. They don't know I relapsed. Today, I've cut myself twice. Once in the morning, to calm myself. I have been over anxious and it has been making me throw up. Then, during school in the bathroom. I just felt the urge and gave in.

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Grey Butterfly on Tue Apr 17, 2012 10:13 pm

They can't help you if they don't know... their help might be annoying when you want to give in, but your bigger desire is to stop... let them in Jas, let them help you.

You don't really want this to be your identity do you??

Jesus said that in this world we will have trials, but to take heart because he has overcome the world... could you picture your anxiety in some way? A ball of worms perhaps or a ball of electricity... and could you visualise giving it into Jesus' hands? take calming breaths for your body while you do that... and find a verse to meditate on after you have given it to him... a verse that reminds you how precious you are to him perhaps? Even if you had to do that ten times a day... eventually it could become a habitual way of dealing with anxiety... you could imagine that every time you do it, it leaves a mark on your spirit... a positive scar.

Would you throw away whatever it is you use to cut yourself while you are not feeling the urge to cut??? If you carry it around, it is like preparing for what you do not want to do... it is giving satan a foot in the door. Make it hard for yourself to do it... make it take time - precious time in which you might be able to choose to do something else... like what i've suggested, or take a walk, or ???




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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Daisy on Sat Apr 21, 2012 8:46 am

Jasmine~as I was praying for you last night, I wondered if there was a specific event or something that happened to trigger you to return to cutting? Sometimes looking at things that trigger us, can help us to keep a better guard the next time the situation comes around..helping to handle it differently. Just some thoughts...


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by owen on Sat Apr 21, 2012 8:55 am

Im following this thread and couldnt help but leave a comment.

honey jasmine, if the urge to cut comes back but God forbids it wont, turn to Jesus immediately, call His name. He is always there. and you know that.

love lots,

Owen.

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

Post by Jasmine on Sat Apr 21, 2012 9:28 am

Daisy, the first time that I relapsed was when I had gotten a prank call. I thought it was a friend of mine. I'd rather not say. Then, later on, I was experiencing a lot of stress from school. I was missing out because I was stressed by hearing about Jason's alcoholism. A few days ago, went crazy on myself. I cut myself 80 times in one day. I was depressed about school. I am depressed now because I can't see my friend Ashley. I haven't seen her in 4 years. I want to see Jason too. I was supposed to go out with them, but I can't because their plans take place at 7 pm. I tried calling Ashley to talk to her about it, but her phone is off. I feel like I may cut myself, but I promised myself I wouldn't at least for a month.

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Re: I'm cutting myself.

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