Boundaries with family

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Boundaries with family

Post by Daisy on Tue Nov 01, 2011 12:13 pm

Need prayers and any added suggestions on how NOT to let certain pushy family members cross my boundaries WITHOUT it draining my energy level to sustain the boundary. Boundaries have not been an easy thing to apply in my life. Does anyone know what I mean??

I will edit this content after getting the responses needed, due to personal content...


There has been some family drama that has led me to the conclusion that my moms house is NOT safe to bring the kids around for the Holidays. My mom doesn't really want to let this go, and is trying to get me to tell her what she can do to make me feel comfortable. I went though this last year, and the energy drain is unexplainable. She is very stubborn and says she will do anything to make her house a safe place to have the holidays. Nothing that she can do will change my mind about having the holidays at her house~and this is NON NEGOTIABLE FOR ME....

How do I get her to respect my boundary, WITHOUT the constant energy drain? I am starting to get to the point of exhaustion and am wanting to push away from her entirely.

Any suggestions???


Last edited by Daisy on Mon Nov 14, 2011 7:36 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : After getting the encouragement needed, edited some info out, due to the very personal content.)


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by daphanie02 on Tue Nov 01, 2011 8:17 pm

Could you explain what happens when you tell her something and the result is emotionally draining? I just want to make sure I understand the situation... huggins


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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by Daisy on Wed Nov 02, 2011 4:28 am

Great question! Well............edited very personal info out after getting the encouragement I needed. Thx! :hooray:


Last edited by Daisy on Mon Nov 14, 2011 7:37 pm; edited 1 time in total


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by Daisy on Wed Nov 02, 2011 7:56 am

Im prob exhausting you just with my posting.... lol! rofl


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by Daisy on Wed Nov 02, 2011 5:39 pm

P.S. Sorry for the length... what


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by daphanie02 on Wed Nov 02, 2011 6:38 pm

LOL it's ok, now I understand better and she reminds me of someone I know..

As an outsider, I don't know if I'll be able to give you the right advice, but it sounds as though standing your ground is the right thing to do. There have been times where I've done that with my mom (stood my ground on an issue) and later she saw the err of her ways and told me how proud she was of me. I'm thinking that If you just keep standing your ground, leave her in the Lord's hands and allow Him to deal with her heart and the situation, that would be best. The person I know thats similar to how your mother sounds is complicated. She grew up in a highly disfunctional family too. I think anyone (me included) who comes from disfunctional families has issues and things that we need to be delivered from. God is still working on me! LOL! However, keep that in mind when dealing with your mom. YOU keep doing the great job you're doing with your daughter!!! and I'm sending you a BIG pat on the back!!! LOL!! big hug 2


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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by Daisy on Wed Nov 02, 2011 7:04 pm

Thanks!!! I really needed that pat on the back! I think too that the Lord is working on me in the process too, and strengthening me. I do just need to give it to Him and hold my ground. When I expect my mom to act any different than she has shown me she is capable of, I set myself up to be hurt. As i trust God~He is able to get through to her best..since He knows her in and out. I have thought 100 times I have gave the hurt of the past back to the Lord, and have tried to move forward in my relationship with my mom. But situations like these seem to rip the scab right off my wound...so I think I prob need some deliverance from the past too! lol!

Thanks for taking the time to comment on my post! Ur such a sweetie, and you really helped me! :hooray:

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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by Angelwings on Sat Nov 05, 2011 6:21 pm

Daisy....we have SOOOOO much in common. and I wish I had more time to share my thoughts....but I"ll have to come back to this.
I just want you to know that I'm praying for you and I am blessed to have met you ladies on here.

Daphane....my favorite quote I tell people all the time is "God's still working on me" LOL
I was just crying in happiness the other day as I was praying to the Lord. I said "Lord, I am a hot mess and you still love me?" LOL

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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by Daisy on Sun Nov 06, 2011 7:25 pm

Angelwings wrote:Daisy....we have SOOOOO much in common. and I wish I had more time to share my thoughts....but I"ll have to come back to this.
I just want you to know that I'm praying for you and I am blessed to have met you ladies on here.

I feel the same way Angelwings!!! Thanks for your prayers...it feels good to have some of these things in common with others...I don't feel so alone now!


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by shany on Fri Nov 18, 2011 7:32 pm

Wow I am in the same situation. My kids are not allowed to go by mother place either (not at all). God commanded me to do it. It was not because of what any one has done, but it is because of the spirits lingering around the place. They can't even go in the yard. My mom is too spiritually blind to see the spiritual warfare around her. It was very hard for me and but i must protect and take care what God has given to me. It was hard at first but I don't want any spirits attaching it self to my kids which are 2 and 3. I wish I can go into more details about my situation but i will tell u this; Stand strong. Let go who u have to let go. They are your kids. Protect what God has given you. You will be held accountable. I know it is hard and stressful. If your mother gets angry at you or anyone wants to walks out of your life, remember that God will always be there.

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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by Daisy on Fri Nov 18, 2011 7:39 pm

Amen Shany! Thx for the encouragement!!! Its also nice to know Im not alone at times.... huggins


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by Dove-Solutions on Sat Nov 19, 2011 7:39 am

Daisy,

Do not fear for the Lord is with you wherever you go. :) Families are tough. I have been struggling with my family for years. Love them from a distance and when I do go home, I stand firm on my convictions. Ya know things for me improved with them when I just told them straight out that although I loved them I was not going to change for them. If they loved me they had to love all of me or not at all. I left the choice up to them and told them if they want to see me or if they love me, then they have to respect my choices in life and respect my beliefs. They don't have to agree, that is between them and Jesus, but I will not be trodden on or a door mat anymore. I go home about every 2 years or so now. So I am praying with you.

Love in Jesus,

Connie


~Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Himand He will direct your path.~ Proverbs 3:5-6

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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by Daisy on Sat Nov 19, 2011 10:13 am

That helps a ton! Thanks connie! You are such a blessing to me! Bless You


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by Dove-Solutions on Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:23 am

You are so welcome Daisy! huggins


~Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Himand He will direct your path.~ Proverbs 3:5-6

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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by shany on Sun Nov 20, 2011 5:33 pm

You're welcome daisy. big hug 2

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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by shany on Sun Nov 20, 2011 5:34 pm

You're welcome daisy. big hug 2

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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by shany on Sun Nov 20, 2011 5:46 pm

Dove-Solutions wrote:Daisy,

Do not fear for the Lord is with you wherever you go. :) Families are tough. I have been struggling with my family for years. Love them from a distance and when I do go home, I stand firm on my convictions. Ya know things for me improved with them when I just told them straight out that although I loved them I was not going to change for them. If they loved me they had to love all of me or not at all. I left the choice up to them and told them if they want to see me or if they love me, then they have to respect my choices in life and respect my beliefs. They don't have to agree, that is between them and Jesus, but I will not be trodden on or a door mat anymore. I go home about every 2 years or so now. So I am praying with you.

Love in Jesus,

Connie



Connie I'm going to take this and run with it. Tonight was the final draw with my family. I have made up my mind to cut them off completely now. But it is going to be weird because we attend the same church.


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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by Daisy on Sun Nov 20, 2011 5:51 pm

Ugh! Shany Im so sorry...I go to the same church with my mom...this makes things a bit tricky sometimes. I will be praying for you, this must be so hard on you. i\\'m sorry


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by shany on Tue Nov 22, 2011 3:03 pm

Thanks, We have church like 5 times a week so u can imagine. I don't think my blood family like my (spiritual) family. Its a shame when it takes strangers to love and appreciate who you really are.

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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by Dove-Solutions on Wed Nov 23, 2011 6:01 am

Just remember this when you see them. Love them in Christ and ask the Lord for his supernatural strength and love to show them his love. We still love them we just do it from a distance.

Love in Jesus,

Connie


~Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Himand He will direct your path.~ Proverbs 3:5-6

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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by Daisy on Fri Nov 25, 2011 7:26 pm

shany wrote: I don't think my blood family like my (spiritual) family. Its a shame when it takes strangers to love and appreciate who you really are.
Im so sorry. Yes it is terrible. I hope things get better soon. It may be uncomfortable at first, but hopefully with time it will get easier. bandaid


Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

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Re: Boundaries with family

Post by Dove-Solutions on Sat Nov 26, 2011 5:50 am

Have no fear Daisy.....I am so loved. All of you here on this site and those in my church.....Jesus loves me and my husband love me.....I have all I need. I am so grateful!

Love in Jesus,

Connie


~Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Himand He will direct your path.~ Proverbs 3:5-6

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