Hate such a strong word

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Hate such a strong word

Post by mjtorrence on Sat Nov 20, 2010 9:48 am

Iam sorry if this is a long post. I have had several dreams where I am so angry with my mother and stepfather and sister that in the dream I am cussing at them(IRL)for clarification I don't cuss. Yet last night I had another dream where I had a knife and was trying to stab my sister and then I started cussing at my mother. When I woke up this morning I felt in my spirit that I have unresloved issues with my mother and sister and stepfather and actually I keep feeling that I HATE MY MOM, now I know that HATE is a strong word and I don't ever use it. I believe that I hate my mother for not being a mother to me for letting my stepfather sexually abuse me and her physically abusing me and always treating my sister better than me. I can't confront her because she is passed on, although I did confront her about the abuse in a letter and she still denied that it happend, I thought I had gotten over this and through this as I had been through so much counseling and therphy to get over this hump that was in my life that caused me so much anger and anxiety yet it seems like it's still there. crying
I know that God is a delieverer. Yet I don't want to have any hate in my heart for these people, I was very depressed when my mother died at 49yrs old from what I don't know for one whole year I would cry everytime I thought of her even down to wanting to end my own life crying thank God for my one sister who God sent to give me a word at the time, yet these dreams are starting to overwhelm me what do I do, sometimes when we think we have let go of certain feelings they come back to haunt us or rather me. tornado

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Re: Hate such a strong word

Post by Cholette on Sat Nov 20, 2010 12:22 pm

I am feeling you on this MJ...I really do! I have some unresolved issues with my mom, but let me say this to you, don't be so hard on yourself. You've experienced some HARSH things. Being one that was sexually abused, I get it and I know how awful it feels. Take it one step at a time. God is in it because you would have never had the dreams. It seems as if God is getting ready to do a work in your heart, so let him.

Just relax and don't let the dream overwhelm you. That would be another tactic of the enemy to keep you bound. God saw it all and he knows the rejection and shame you've felt regarding it and He's helping you now.

Sometimes things get buried inside of us and we have no clue it's there. Even though it came out in a dream doesn't mean it's a huge issue. You already know that our dreams are usually BIGGER THAN LIFE and so once again...breathe and continue to pray into this situation and whatever God says to do...no matter how difficult it may seem...do it!

Prayin for you girly!!!!!


Do not fight FOR victory, but fight FROM THE PLACE of victory. Jesus has ALREADY won the battle!

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Re: Hate such a strong word

Post by lola21st on Sat Nov 20, 2010 12:40 pm

Amen, I agree with Cholette!

I also want to encourage you to not let the dreams upset you too much. Sometimes the Lord will give us dreams where the emotions in the dream are much stronger than what we are experiencing in real life, to draw our attention to it. It sounds like He's telling you that it is now time to deal with these unresolved emotions and receive His healing so that He can position you for the work that He wants to complete in you (Phil 1:6). Sometimes we're 99.999999% complete in our healing process from these wounds but still have that .000001% left to deal with and close so that we can completely move on in what God has for us.

I'm with Cholette, seek him for direction on what/how to do next.

Praying for you! huggins

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Re: Hate such a strong word

Post by mjtorrence on Sat Nov 20, 2010 12:55 pm

Thanks Lola for the prayers also I am not upset about the dream I am glad that God is showing me the unforgiveness in my heart regarding what happended to me and yes I believe that it's the 1% that I am dealing with thanks again and I will seek him huggins

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Re: Hate such a strong word

Post by Delightful soul on Sat Nov 20, 2010 9:38 pm

You have every right to feel such emotions about your Mum. every right.

Jesus does say to forgive but before we can forgive we must realise that there is something to forgive in the first place. The dreaming of what you are saying to me sounds like pent up anger being enacted in your dreams.

Sometimes in Christian circles we preach forgiveness but ignore the misdemeanour. You have to face the misdemeanour first before you forgive completely.


I have found also too after I have decided to forgive, that the emotions take a while to feel forgiveness. This is a process too.

Sounds like you had opportuntities to tell your mum about how you felt but she never acknowleged what she did or rather did not do (protect you). This is a grieving process.....but before this I would pray that you have the courage to tell God how angry you are and express how that makes you feel. He will listen and so will we as your sisters.

Maybe also another session with a Christian counselor may help, but I hope you have gained some insight into what may be going on with your dreams lately through what I have written.

I hope I have been a blessing.


Hate evil........this is what God says and Hate IS a stong word and God hates evil too. What was done to you WAS EVIL.

I feel you need to know that and that you are wanting recognition for how wronged you have been.

He hears your heart cry and so do i friend. huggins

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Re: Hate such a strong word

Post by Hiskid on Sat Nov 20, 2010 10:06 pm

God blss you MJ!
I pray God will give you supernatural peace!

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Re: Hate such a strong word

Post by mjtorrence on Sat Nov 20, 2010 10:18 pm

Thank you thank you delightful this is so speaking to me right now yes in the dream I was releasing alot of pent up anger, yet as I stated I know there is unforgiveness in my heart towards these three people, and I am going to pray to release this from my heart, thank you all so much for responding and keeping me in prayer, yes you have been a blessing, the tears almost started to come but I held them back I know I need to release this from me, I heard the holy spirit say make a list and forgive them for the things that happened. thanks sisters in Christ huggins Bless You :thanks:

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Re: Hate such a strong word

Post by mjtorrence on Sat Nov 20, 2010 10:18 pm

Thank you HisKid I pray the same for myself huggins

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Re: Hate such a strong word

Post by Delightful soul on Sun Nov 21, 2010 4:55 am

welcome thumbs

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Re: Hate such a strong word

Post by mjtorrence on Mon Nov 29, 2010 7:19 pm

Update: Well it took me awhile to really pray and say that I forgive my mother for the things that were done to me by her her husband and my sister but I finally did forgive them especially my mother you talking about a relief off my shoulders and heart sweet dreams 2

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Re: Hate such a strong word

Post by pureheart on Sun Dec 05, 2010 6:45 am

HI MJ,

As I was reading this I believe this is the season the Lord is going to be a completly healing in that area. I am sorry to hear that your mother died however I believe he is going to use this situation to reach out to younger people and women as well. You are going to be a living testiomary for his kingdom. I also felt God is bring you to wholeness because of the season that he is taking you. Contiue to yield to him, stay senstive to his Spirit because I believe he is uprooting some things that he want to get rid of. Be encourage and know that God is doing a greater work in you. I pray for a speedly healing, restoration, and delieverance in Jesus name.

Be blessed

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Re: Hate such a strong word

Post by mjtorrence on Mon Dec 06, 2010 8:59 pm

Thank you pureheart, yes this I do believe that this is the season for God to help me release all this pent up unforgiveness as I stated in the post above I have forgiven my mother, stepfather and sister and now I feel so much better. Thank you that you are praying for me huggins

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Re: Hate such a strong word

Post by GoldenEagle on Wed Dec 08, 2010 12:58 pm

Michael, there were so many things you needed that you weren't given. You should ahve been given protection. You should have been believed. You should have been delivered. God is the one who will give you all these things. And any of the other things you think you need.

You will get past this.

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Re: Hate such a strong word

Post by mjtorrence on Thu Dec 09, 2010 10:22 pm

Thanks Goldeneagle yes this is true I will get past
this with the help from the Lord

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